New slave looking for guidance

[Lookingfort-2339]

Hi. Im a new slave looking for guidance and information please. This lifestyle is very new to me and I'm sometimes struggling with how I'm feeling . Am I supposed to worry that my master is in contact with someone else? Is it normal for all masters to want other slaves ect?. I' be very grateful for any help.

[Deleted Member]

Do you worry or do you like that there are others? Is he being open about it/ is it something that you discussed/ decided together from the outset?? If you don’t like it and it doesn’t feel right, talk to him- if he’s a dick- then think about whether this is right for you Or not...

[Pa****]

Each Dominant and submissive is unique, my advice is to default to the four pillars, communication, honesty, trust and respect.

You need to share (Communicate) your feelings and concerns with your master. Through honest communication you build trust and demonstrate respect for each other.

I can share that I do communicate with others, for me it's learning about things I don't know about or have an interest in. Personally, I find that communication with others helps me to understand myself.

But you need to communicate, without this you won't know what the situation is or if your comfortable with the relationship, you need information and you have rights in any relationship....your not a door mat, because you like being a submissive.....your submission is a gift and not a toy to be played with. 

Ask and find out.....you can really submit if you doubt the relationship, it's hard to surrender and embrace your needs/desires within a one sided relationship.

 

[Lookingfort-2339]

I worry that he is in contact with others. He says he' not but says if he wanted to it would be his right.

I have said it hurts to think of him with anyone else and how would he feel about only being with me he said he wasn' sure . 

It' not something I could deal with for various reasons . Past issues make me insecure and worry about things like not seeing him and not as much contact some days . 

I just feel hopeless sometimes. Yet when I'm with him it' bliss

[Pa****]

Stop worrying and talk to your Master....you need to communicate and discuss this with them. No relationship is one sided, you need to ask and you DO have rights, your submission is given and needs to be earned.

Remember: any relationship is based on the common agreements and understandings. If there is doubt about any agreements, these need to be discussed and clarified. 

If there are assumptions, take the time to air these, you Master will want to sort these out with you, you should be at ease in your submission and any doubts will harm or weaken bonds of trust.

Communication, honesty, trust and respect is required on both sides of the relationship.

GO and communicate with your Master and be honest to him, in doing so you are being honest to yourself.

[Deleted Member]

  8 hours ago, Lookingfortheone said:

I worry that he is in contact with others. He says he' not but says if he wanted to it would be his right.

I have said it hurts to think of him with anyone else and how would he feel about only being with me he said he wasn' sure . 

It' not something I could deal with for various reasons . Past issues make me insecure and worry about things like not seeing him and not as much contact some days . 

I just feel hopeless sometimes. Yet when I'm with him it' bliss

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Oh my darling..... stop, stop this now. This is not right for you, he is not right for you.

This is a complete misuse of his power. You power has been taken and you feel weak.

I recognise this only too well as it used to happened to me in my vanilla life.

What I have since found in Sir is the polar opposite and the light is shining brightly for me now to see where things went wrong.

D/s does require an enormous effort on both parts and if this is one sided then it isn’t real. I have no doubt you feel amazing with him but you should also feel secure and amazing without him.

Please take a step back and really think about how this is making you feel, think about what you deserve and have a right to.

Think about the enormous gift of your submission and whether he is able to take on the responsibility of that.

Also if you don’t want to share- that needs to be considered by you as a hard limit, or if it isn’t what are you parameters......

I really believe there is someone for everyone, that someone will make you feel incredible, there are no tears of sadness with that person and ***s are laid to rest through talking and reassurance. You may need to kiss some frogs to find him but you will, in the mean time you have to protect and preserve yourself and don’t let others treat you badly. 

I know this is easier said than done but be strong, trust your gut, enjoy the scene (there are so many people who offer friendship/ play/ aftercare safely) and your true Master will come to you when you least expect it. 

 

Much love xxxxx

[Lookingfort-2339]

Thank you for your advice. I will talk to him . Although we have talked about it I haven' explained fully about my past and insecurities so will be doing that to help him understand me better x I just hope that he wants me as much as I want him .

[18yoGirl]

Same over here.. can anyone help?

[Lord_Blacklight]

I will say to you as I say to everyone that asks. 

There are three pillars to any relationship vanilla or otherwise...

Trust. Respect. Communication.

If you feel unsafe or need more time, there is ZERO things wrong with taking it. Trust is earned. Respect for how You/you both feel is taken into account. He may have reservations as much as you but how is O/one to know unless O/one Communicates? 

If any Dom demands you to call Him sir after five minutes. If he bullies you or tries to guilt you. If he doesn't listen and can't EARN your submission. Then leave him behind and don't look back. he is a pseudo-Dom. A fake. A wannabe or an abusive asshat and beneath you. 

The stronger the woman, the greater the gift when she chooses to kneel and offer herself to you. she can't be ***d and that makes it all the more precious. she wants you to have it above all others.

Makes sense right?