Question For The Switches

[ge****]

So, I recently discovered I have a dominant side and all is going extremely well in that respect - I've embraced it completely despite many years of only recognising my submissive side.

Question being, how do you maintain both sides if you're a switch?

Having identified as a submissive for many many years and honestly believing it's actually an innate thing for me - the fact it's being (pun intended) dominated by my dominant side is both interesting and concerning, because I really don't want to lose sight of my submission.

[Deleted Member]

My suggestion is finding another switch... I have one that I'm Daddy and sometimes she's Mommy.... it just depends on each other's moods... it works out pretty evenly.

[Mi****]

Play with it. The right person will fit right into your world. Im a switch and I need a more masculine partner to be able to allow him to control me. I prefer to be the lead but every now and then. It doesn’t need to be black or white and you don’t need to label it. Imo

[ey****]

at the risk of an awful opening - some depends on what your Dominant side and sub side mean to you 

I've seen people do different dynamics - and all are valid, but some can feel like a struggle

For example; if you partner with someone who is a switch then generally, at least from a play perspective, you can each assume either role depending on mood. From any side of power exchange or dynamic outside of play (or 'the bedroom') it can be difficult to kinda maintain.  I've seen some people say they have a rota over who has "the power" and maybe it works for them to some degree but it can be rather difficult to maintain especially if that day/week/month you do not wish to be in a particular role.  

Structure two is a little more - one person is typically Dominant and the other submissive in all aspects, however there is frame work to allow the sub to do activities deemed as Dominant with the typically Dominant partner 

But; one I have seen work a little more, but isn't for everyone (though there is at least one high profile Dominant does this with her sub/husband) and that is additional relationships.   So there is a person you will be in a relationship with and you are their submissive and someone else you are in a relationship with and you are their Dominant - what the D/s looks like in each of these relationships is down to your dynamic but there can be plenty of power exchange if that is what you are into.  Obviously the two have to be aware of each other with rules that your action towards one should not affect a relationship with the other (and vice/versa) 

[Sp****]

As a switch, I usually prefer dominating switches. Part of the fun with that is we can switch on each other as the scene is going on.

When I sub, my mindset is typically “I’m going to be the best Goddamn sub there is! Bring it on and push me to my limits!” I don’t equate being a sub as weak. I embrace the strength require as one. Not too many men can take whips, othee impact tools, sounds, and massive strapons like I can. Electricity also makes me stronger like Bennett from Commando.

Also, my Dom side can sometimes creep out when I brat and go “meh, that was a 3! you can do better than that!”

[Hezzair]

In my case, being a switch tends to be more gender related for me. I am more submissive to those who are masc identifying, taller and broader than I am, and in the past, that has been cis men only but not because I'm against anyone else, just have not found anyone that really fit into mental headspace for what a dominant needed to be who was not in that category. I am more dominant toward femme identifying people, and I definitely include all trans women into this category regardless of size or parts for whatever reason because that's just how my brain seems to work. Pretty sure if there were a trans man who fit into my taller than I am, can grab me by the hair, and order me around etc, I'd be down for it. Just haven't met one yet. I rarely Domme men, when I do, they tend to be my size or smaller. It is on very rare occasion, and it takes a lot for me to switch my brain from sub mode to Domme mode. What I do, from time to time, is online "Domme" my sissy friend from the UK and then I have a lady friend I can also top. Otherwise, I tend to stay more sub.

[ge****]

Thanks, some good answers and points to mull over.
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Possibly a little more context would have helped, I'm currently in a relationship (non-monogamous) where I am very much the dominant half and my partner just doesn't do dominance and in fact even if she were I suspect it would cause a shift in our dynamic that wouldn't work.
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Now she is completely open to me satisfying my submissive side and positively encourages that I do.
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The dilemma is entirely on me and how I go about maintaining that submissive side beyond just the occasional pick up play in clubs that is more "topping/bottoming" than D/s but at the same time remaining respectful to my existing dynamic.

[ey****]

ooh; good one

so with the extra context.   

Firstly; I'd solidify your relationship

There's nothing wrong with pick-up play but I get where you're going - that it's a different experience - but, I'd still maybe keep that as a kinda... itch scratcher

I think that, obviously there'll always be potential that someone you do casual play with, or meet on here or elsewhere does become something where it's more; and you can see how being their sub can work without affecting your relationship

So; for me...

I am happily married and we do not have any form of strict dynamic, we are both switches.  We both also engage in casual/pick-up play; my wife usually in a Dominant role - myself, it can depend.    I did have something lead to more and I was a sub to them.  That didn't ultimately work out, but lasted 2 years and it's reasons for ending wasn't down to other relationships. 

[ge****]

  7 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

ooh; good one

so with the extra context.   

Firstly; I'd solidify your relationship

There's nothing wrong with pick-up play but I get where you're going - that it's a different experience - but, I'd still maybe keep that as a kinda... itch scratcher

I think that, obviously there'll always be potential that someone you do casual play with, or meet on here or elsewhere does become something where it's more; and you can see how being their sub can work without affecting your relationship

So; for me...

I am happily married and we do not have any form of strict dynamic, we are both switches.  We both also engage in casual/pick-up play; my wife usually in a Dominant role - myself, it can depend.    I did have something lead to more and I was a sub to them.  That didn't ultimately work out, but lasted 2 years and it's reasons for ending wasn't down to other relationships. 

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Yeah "itch scratcher" about sums it up for pick up play for me - same as the other things that have crossed my mind to maintain my submissive side (e.g. simply attending events in "sub mode" even if no play is expected/involved, taking a day each week where I place myself in sub mode by wearing a cage or knickers etc).
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I think ultimately you're right though, it's a case of going with the flow for now and just finding little things to stay in touch with my sub side.

[ey****]

there's a couple of folk I know - one person in my mind is exploring their Dominant side so they will attend some events as a sub and some as a Domme - and, yeah, that can help with headspace a little 

[FetMyLife]

I’m switch, and also sometimes cross dress and sometimes don’t. For me they feel like different expressions of my multifaceted personality. The personification of each role takes over me completely in that moment, I would imagine it is similar to being a method actor and fully embracing the character you’re playing for the duration of a shoot. We all do it a little, we act very differently around our grandparents compared with our friends, we don’t have to think about, it’s just natural. It’s similar to how we present at work or at home, the difference aren’t as polarised as being D/s but they’re there. Also, as a switch I enjoy the dynamic of the D/s relationship roles, I find it sexy that one person submits to another from both perspectives, it’s the entire dynamic that’s attractive. I love being a sub, and I love to dominate and I think that liking both roles makes you better at being both roles. As a dom that’s also a sub I understand what a sub wants and vice versa

[Switch63]

I'm a switch and love being who I am. But I totally get switching from one head space to the next. I sometimes feel I may loss my dominant side, while switching to my submissive side. The only advice I can give you is to take time , to do aftercare after a session . Kinda download from the headspace before switching, to the next. That way I think your brain has a chance to catch up and put everything back in the right box. I'm use to it but I know it can make you, feel like you may lose one part of yourself to the other part. But I really think its about giving your head time to switch. This is only my opinion x Good luck