Why is it so hard to find and fufill kinks/fantasies

2025-03-25T22:11:32Z

I have been on a few apps/ websites looking for people to have a discussion or honestly to start a conversation about mine and my hubby's Kinks and Fantasies and the persons Kinks and fantasies as well. Me and my husband have had this conversation a lot recently about what we're looking for for ourselves or individuals. And usually you have to pay to even see who liked you and even pay to start a basic conversation. Me and my hubby are not in a rush but we have noticed that we really do want to fulfill these Kinks and fantasies. How are you guys dealing with this and or have places that you've been successful in finding people?

2025-03-25T22:45:48Z

FetLife is a great website for bdsm related kinks and more. Unfortunately all the good features for what seems like any site are hidden behind pay walls 😔

2025-03-25T22:48:31Z

It's not that hard actually.

I only paid for this app for one month, then realized there was no point in paying since it's a small community, and I still had the conversations and discussions I wanted with open-minded people who knew how to talk.

2025-03-25T22:49:38Z

Well. To handle a infrastructure to host a website like this is not for nothing.. you need servers.. fast internetlines.. administrators.. thats why some features must be Paid..

2025-03-25T22:50:41Z

You can get a premium membership on fetlife, but really all you’ll ever need is available to basic members.. it’s a great resource for finding information, for events in your area and networking with likeminded people.

2025-03-25T22:53:10Z

As @MuStormsaid, you certainly don't need to pay for good conversations and finding the right people.

The key is being selective with whom you message. Use your icebreaker messages wisely with people you feel you match with.

Add a personal ad to your profile. Make it clear what you are looking for and that will appear in people's newsfeeds. I'm sure you'll then have no shortage of unpaid for conversations.

2025-03-25T22:54:35Z

I feel like this too

2025-03-25T22:57:29Z

It's actually not that hard and you get out of it what you put into it so if you're not putting enough for the community you won't get anything out of it. One of the other people mentioned that life you can also look on here to see what events are happening in your area and you can join FetLife and do the same thing if you're really interested in the lifestyle I strongly suggest that you attend events in the lifestyle and I don't necessarily mean sex parties and mean munches which are vanilla events to get to know people so that they can know and trust you to do things with you guys behind closed doors. Best of luck to you.

2025-03-25T23:05:08Z

Because of the profiles are fake

2025-03-25T23:05:40Z

*most of the profilr

2025-03-25T23:17:39Z

I have been using it since couple of days, this app looks good, had conversation with few, but hard to find right people

2025-03-25T23:18:24Z

💯

2025-03-25T23:32:42Z

FetLife is wonderful for getting connections with people and finding local groups and events to foster those connections. I joined this place on a whim, and I've been finding it seriously lacking. Apps like this are always going to be paywalled for the good features. I'm pretty sure Fetlife only paywalls the ability to watch the videos people post.

2025-03-25T23:36:40Z

Facing the same situation. The honest and compatible people I meet are all too far away to try kinks in reality. Can't meet anyone nearby 🙁🙁

2025-03-25T23:58:54Z

I know its hard maybe u should try FetLife i like that app

2025-03-26T00:00:50Z

It's a difficult journey as far to many fakes in this world sadly who have just seen violent porn and don't understand it's acting for ***! Guys watch it and get so utterly desperate their desires they want to punch women in the face and women want it so badly they are blind and accept such things!

2025-03-26T00:13:47Z

I am going to say get on FetLife and look for local groups to you and your kinks. Go to some munches and find a group you click with most in the community are friendly and helpful

2025-03-26T00:19:05Z

Not sure where you are or what you are looking for but I have been into kink for 30 years, during that time I have been Dom and sub...a full on slave to a Goddess...a cuckold husband to a gang bang wife and lived In a threesome relationship with 2 ladies for over a year. Did I just write an application for a job??? Anyway the point is I have experience and am more than happy to chat...good luck.

2025-03-26T00:30:32Z

I bought the year subscription

2025-03-26T00:49:37Z

Sadly, it's because most of these apps aren't interested in actually connecting people. They do it for the *** it brings in from people like us who are actually looking for others to interact with. I'd say, the best way is to find any local kink based clubs or events in your area and attend those functions to actually meet people in person without having to pay for an app. Granted, many of those events will have a cover charge which can get kinda pricey. But it's the best way to meet and find people to interact with. Honestly, then eat place to find these events in your area will be FetLife, in their event category. But do not expect to find anyone on FetLife as most of them are very snarky and think they are better than everyone else because most of them are "spicy site stars" who think they are above us regular Kinksters and will never reply or have a general conversation with someone unless you agree to pay for their content first. I've been on FetLife for over ten years, so I have the experience to say that FetLife is a very difficult place to find "real" people to talk or interact with. Most of them won't even acknowledge your existence until you are paying for them.

2025-03-26T00:52:51Z

I totally agree....one reason why I want pay to chat with peoples on here

2025-03-26T00:54:31Z

Trying to find someone to have fun with and a good time it's appears to be a waste of time

2025-03-26T00:58:20Z

2 hours ago, etna384393 said:

FetLife is a great website for bdsm related kinks and more. Unfortunately all the good features for what seems like any site are hidden behind pay walls 😔
Expand

FetLife is actually horrible for most things. It's difficult to get any sort of recognition or reply from most people. Not to mention the disgusting pigs on there that often have no regard for a person's profile bio or respect for an individual's request to not receive disgusting content in their messages. They are also very spiteful against people who report others for sending unsolicited or unrequested photos or messages containing disgusting content. I highly recommend anyone considering that site to not post anything and only using it as a page to find local kink clubs and events. My wife just had to deal with that very thing last night, and woke up this morning to an infraction against her account for reporting someone who did exactly that, sending an unrequested dik pic and then calling my wife a "c*m pig" when her profile specifically states not to send pics or use disgusting terms like that without explicit permission from her and myself, but more so her permission. It is a place where women are constantly harassed by disrespectful and ignorant individuals with no respect for another person's boundaries. Granted that happens here on Fet, but not nearly to the same degree as FetLife.

2025-03-26T01:10:38Z

I’ve found the Kink community pretty welcoming to new comers over the years. Go to FetLife and search your area for a local munch meet and great and just show up. Making connections in person is the way to go. Then get an invite to a party or 2 and just spectate. You guys will find your way.