BDSM vs Sex

[Se****]

I believe there is a gross misunderstanding that BDSM has the inherent nature that sex would be involved. BDSM is an act of dominance and submission and doesn’t have to include sex or with a partner that is your sexual preference. Does sex and fetishes get intertwined with a BDSM scene, sure, but that isn’t the inherent nature of BDSM.

Kink: the use of sexual practices, concepts or fantasies that are not conventional (vanilla or normal).

Fetish: a form of sexual desire in which gratification is strongly linked to a particular object or activity or a part of the body other than the sexual organs.

BDSM: a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage; discipline (BD), dominance and submission (DS), sadomasochism (SM), and other related interpersonal dynamics. This can involve the act of sex but not necessary.

Just as erotic books are a form of entertainment that doesn’t involve sex on your part, BDSM doesn’t require sex for the session to be fulfilling.

What are some BDSM practices that you have done or fantasized about that doesn’t involve sex?

[le****]

I believe there is a gross misunderstanding that BDSM has the inherent nature that dominance and submission would be involved.

See?

[Th****]

I love CBT. It has not meant to be sexual at all. In fact, if it's done successfully, the guy shouldn't even be able to get hard because of the intense pa in

[Th****]

  59 minutes ago, letsplay said:

I believe there is a gross misunderstanding that BDSM has the inherent nature that dominance and submission would be involved.

See?

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The DS in BDSM is for dominance and submission.

The S can either mean submission or sadist.

The D is always dominance.

 

Otherwise, it's just a kink or a fetish and not BDSM

[Da****]

Lmfao

[Mi****]

This is 100% accurate. Dominance/submission can happen in any context. A thing you’d like to give me control over that I’d like to take can be a platform for dominance. What you eat, what you wear, your workout routine, being my pet, doing chores, making you watch things, denying things, requiring you to do things…..sex would just be one such possibility/platform. It can be confusing because the power exchange can feel so good and potentially arousing that it gets sexualized. Some D/s or S/m dynamics are asexual. Some incorporate everything. Some are cruel, some nurturing. This is why it’s so important to get to know each other as people and figure out what you might be mutually looking for. Also….a fetish or a kink can be incorporated into D/s or S/m play. (I won’t let you have it/make you beg for it/control the distribution of it/etc)

[Th****]

  2 hours ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

The DS in BDSM is for dominance and submission.

The S can either mean submission or sadist.

The D is always dominance.

 

Otherwise, it's just a kink or a fetish and not BDSM

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But it's not a requirement to participate in every aspect. It's absolutely possible to be involved in BDSM without D/s and w/o sex. If you feel that D/s is required then do you also feel that sadism & masochism are requirements? People who are simply tops and bottoms are absolutely a thing that exists. 

Edited March 30 by ThaliaV

[Th****]

  32 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

But it's not a requirement to participate in every aspect. It's absolutely possible to be involved in BDSM without D/s and w/o sex. If you feel that D/s is required then do you also feel that sadism & masochism are requirements? People who are simply tops and bottoms are absolutely a thing that exists. 

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BDSM is an acronym. Every letter has a specific meaning. 

It is possible to have BDSM without certain aspects. But flat out saying that

  4 hours ago, letsplay said:

I believe there is a gross misunderstanding that BDSM has the inherent nature that dominance and submission would be involved.

See?

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BDSM isn't about dominance and submission is also untrue.

[Se****]

BDSM intertwines trust and power into every touch, a dance beyond just flesh rather it touches ypur soul. Its spiritual. 
Sex seeks release, a spark of instinct set free. Sex can be spiritual too if done right. 
BDSM craves the mind’s surrender, control’s sweet edge, connection of souls. 
Sex is the flame; BDSM is the fire’s design.

[Th****]

  1 hour ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

BDSM is an acronym. Every letter has a specific meaning. 

It is possible to have BDSM without certain aspects. But flat out saying that

BDSM isn't about dominance and submission is also untrue.

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I didn't read their comment as if they were saying it's "not about dominance and submission" at all, they said it's not *inherent* just as BDSM doesn't inherently involve sex, sadism, masochism. Participation in every aspect isn't required. 

I did read their comment as being kind of passive aggressive or snarky in tone but that's still difficult to be positive of bc, text format and all. 

[ey****]

  5 hours ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

I love CBT. It has not meant to be sexual at all. In fact, if it's done successfully, the guy shouldn't even be able to get hard because of the intense pa in

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I have started to get hard during CBT (which makes it hurt even more) it has also meant we've had to cut some scenes because I've then started to bleed.  It's not something I would expect - but I think an orgasm scene I did which involved a lot of *** may have contributed. 

[Mi****]

  1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I have started to get hard during CBT (which makes it hurt even more) it has also meant we've had to cut some scenes because I've then started to bleed.  It's not something I would expect - but I think an orgasm scene I did which involved a lot of *** may have contributed. 

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I had a sub describe it as “joy ***” and it def arouses him. I think everyone is different. I think CBT *** is very sexually arousing to some.

[ey****]

  6 hours ago, letsplay said:

I believe there is a gross misunderstanding that BDSM has the inherent nature that dominance and submission would be involved.

See?

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I agree.

BDSM is *supposed* to be a catch-all term which brings together some elements under one umbrella.  Someone who says they practice BDSM could referring to some or all of it and so it's often vague

BD = Bondage & Discipline.  But it also can be Bondage. Discipline. As two separate elements

DS = Dominance and submission. Self explanatory.

SM = Sadomasochism or Sadism and Masochism. 

That it's possible to be Sadistic without being into Dominant. Or being masochistic without being submissive. Or so on. (then this is before we get into that the term 'masochist' in modern day refers to less than it was meant to.  A fetishist, i.e. someone aroused by, say, feet, leather, fur... etc is masochist in traditional definition, I mean, it comes from Masoch who wrote Venus in Furs, about a fetishist!  But nowadays we'd assume someone described as a masochist is into extreme/heavy *** play)  

I think in some conflicts is that for some people things described as BDSM does involve sex.  And, sex, can be to a wider definition than PIV.  Like, even if someone doesn't get aroused or orgasm at the time, potentially even thinking back at what happened and masturbating is still sexual.   And for others it doesn't. Absolutely not.   And either is fine.  Even the likes of chastity, while that forms the deliberate avoidance of sex, it still ultimately comes down to focusing on genitals.  

[ey****]

  7 minutes ago, MistressLeFey said:

I had a sub describe it as “joy ***” and it def arouses him. I think everyone is different. I think CBT *** is very sexually arousing to some.

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Yep. For me - if I was discussing play with someone and everything was up to me, then I'd probably not want CBT  but if the other person wishes to do it, we can discuss and I'll do it and yeah - I think four times in a row I've got aroused now - and the first was one where I was fit with a crown of thrones, and kai's teeth, and then person then took a slubb to my cock while having her feet in my face - and it really, really hurt - but it got really hard and... woah. 

[ca****]

It’s about power and the exchange of. Sex is only an optional part.

[Windwolf]

I guess it depends a lot these days on how one defines BDSM and Dominance.
I am Dominant in every aspect of my life.
When I was still working I was Dominant at work as well as at home.
As a Master, I don't consider BDSM as a part of my Dominance as it's considered by most people.
The appearant use of online interaction turns BDSM into more of a play and fantasy games.
Real life Dominance and online are so totally different that they seem like two different worlds.

In real life 24/7 Dominance definitely isn't just about sex. It's a personality dynamic in which one person is in control and the other person is in submission in every aspect of every day life.

BDSM and even fetish are no longer locked into single definitions.

Just as dynamics are no longer locked into single definitions.

D/s is absolutely different from M/s dynamics. The change these days is that the internet has changed everything into a game and real life D/s and M/s dynamics are anything but games.

[Yi****]

Thats a pretty damn well written topic. Ive never been to a meet up place or monthly get together for local kinksters. As a visitor or participant there is complete show , as compared to privacy of a bedroom. Id think half the fun is the butterflies in your stomach.