Do the Ladies respond to the "Kink Gifts"

[Se****]

  7 hours ago, MusicTraveler said:

I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten a genuinely respectful response from a woman on this app. I always flirt respectfully, or based on what their profile requests; and always mention what I’m interested in about them.

I get a response to maybe 1/10 messages, and it’s usually very rude, or very very little effort, forcing me to chase or bail. For me, this app has been extremely toxic and significantly damaged my mental health.

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I think you need to take a long hard look at your profile and redine/rewrite it. Also, your photos; most women on here do not want to see pictures of boobs or sex acts in a man’s photo gallery.

You also need to understand that the men on this app now outweigh the women by a pretty significant factor. They get a LOT of messages. Their experiences range from unsolicited dick pics, early requests for more images, inappropriate honorifics (babe, honey, baby girl), trying to give someone orders when you haven’t even established a basis for any kind of interaction.

These horror stories are the thin end of the wedge, before we even consider the *** women receive at the hands of some of the members here - particularly those who can’t deal with rejection like an adult and get all sulky and needy - these are not desirable qualities. I have also heard of cases of sexual ***, black mail and attempted ***! So this is way they are very cautions and picky.

Your profile, statuses, photos and first messages are about marketing yourself in the best possible way and a way that is appealing and attractive.

And if you find the app toxic and mentally taxing, this is not the place for you. Other apps are available. But I suggest you need to change your approach.

Good luck.

[ey****]

  6 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

I rarely message anyone because nobody's into the same things I am. On the rare occasion I do find a woman I am interested in or who I think would be interested in or who might be interested in the local munches and I message them, about half the time I get a reply.
 

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I'm similar.  I probably message fewer people than I would want to (that goes for pretty much anywhere, not just here) but because I'm more selective and think it's folk where there would be two way interest then the rate whereby I at least get a response is fairly high.

And when I don't (though, in one recent case I'd gone to junk mail and she subsequently did reply, eventually ) it's not too disheartening because it doesn't feel like a constant barrage of nothing or rejection

I really urge more guys to be more selective

[ey****]

  13 hours ago, TMac007 said:

Is a Kink Gift really going to get her to respond?

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Nah.

They're a weird function in the sense that... how they're *supposed* to be used is to help you with an icebreaker - kinda "hey, thought you were cool - here's a little image it'll allow me to send in exchange for my points" except, hopefully smoother than that.   

But, for example, that they can be used to bypass filters ends up just annoying everyone - like, if someone has a filter set cos I'm too old, too young, too male, too far, whatever - then me sending a gift to bypass their filter doesn't change that I'm too old, too young, etc. 

I guess, treat them as fun, especially with someone you have rapport with - rather than any form of useful tool

[ey****]

  3 hours ago, Alexlamers said:

So, what is a good opening respectful thing to say, that will get a response? I have messaged some of the people that have responded to this thread, without even getting a response. I think it is kind of rude to not even respond.

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so on the first half of your statement.  There's no magic wand I'm afraid. There's no magic button that will get a response.   There are things which will help, basically - keep the opening message brief, but make it count. A very brief intro to you and a basic kinda why you might be interested in them.  Actually show there's something about *them* rather than going through a list or messaging people who look active.  Specifically looking for people who interest you and where it seems like you are what they are looking for goes a lot further - this may involve messaging fewer people overall.

On the latter part.  This is something which is gonna sound off, but it's a preferred analogy. You get home from work and there's a pile of post.  I dunno, a pizza menu, something advertising a conservatory, some bills you need to pay and a letter from a penpal (do people even still have penpals?) 

So, like, you don't ring the pizza shop and say "hey, thanks for the menu - I don't want any pizza but appreciate the message" that'd be insane.  And, honestly, most messages are no better than pizza menus, if the person doesn't want pizza - they go in the bin.

Especially true if you didn't want a conservatory.

The bills might be a priority, but you might not even have to deal with that now - and as excited as you may be from a letter from your penpal - it could be days, weeks, or months before you sit down to respond - and this is someone who is somewhat of a friend

This is what we got to remember, sometimes we're nothing more than a leaflet for a conservatory, when we send to someone who lives in a flat... and to be honest, if they called us to be "sorry, I live on the 4th floor" we'd think they were the ones wasting our time. 

[Ca****]

No.

[Th****]

  2 hours ago, Alexlamers said:

@TheMacabreBrat, I never said anyone owes me anything. I'm just saying that a written response would be courteous and polite.

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And you still feel like you are owed something 🙄

[sardonicus87]

  3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Nah.

They're a weird function in the sense that... how they're *supposed* to be used is to help you with an icebreaker - kinda "hey, thought you were cool - here's a little image it'll allow me to send in exchange for my points" except, hopefully smoother than that.   

But, for example, that they can be used to bypass filters ends up just annoying everyone - like, if someone has a filter set cos I'm too old, too young, too male, too far, whatever - then me sending a gift to bypass their filter doesn't change that I'm too old, too young, etc. 

I guess, treat them as fun, especially with someone you have rapport with - rather than any form of useful tool

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Yeah, while we're on the subject of spending points. Guys, if you do the treasure hunt when it comes up every time and find all the icons, you'll have enough points to get VIP for free for two weeks and you can do that maybe twice a year. Try it some time and when you have VIP, set your search parameters to a "local" distance of 70 miles (which is apparently too far for many people), then set to only show the women with profile pictures who have logged in within the last week. Guarantee the number of returned users is like, 7 or 8.
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Unless you live like in/around NYC, Atlanta, London or some other major metro area, that's the likely result. Most accounts you'll see are abandoned. Look at all the women who "ignored" you and I guarantee the vast majority will have a most recent visible login dated well before you sent your message.
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None of this is a dig at any women btw. This is just a reality check: most profiles are abandoned, often within 24-48 hours of creation.
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And honestly, if a woman's profile is blank, I pretty much will never message her. Why? Because I don't know what she's looking for. Unless she explicitly states she's into the same stuff as me on her profile and that she's actively looking for someone to play with, why would I waste my time? I'm a grown ass adult with responsibilities, I don't have time to chase someone that doesn't know what they want.
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It's a good bet even of what few profiles you're left with that are actually active, half of them aren't here to find a partner of any kind. Some are here for community, some to learn, whatever.
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The point is, all the women you think are ignoring you probably don't even have the app on their phone anymore (or check the website), they don't even know you messaged them to begin with for them to be able to ignore you.
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Know how long my wife was on here? 1 day. Know how long she was on Feeld? Less than 2 hours. That all it took for her to be fed up with the mountains of people who don't bother reading a profile.

[CopperKnob]

  17 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

You really wouldn't believe how many people turn from respectful to vicious in a heartbeat. We really can't tell who will react harshly, so we can't tell if you are someone it's safe to message back.

Again, don't take it personally. It isn't about you.

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Honestly, Char is right. It's not always about the person sending the message. Sometimes, it's the receiver. Eg, I had a relatively pleasant msg the other day, I've not responded to it because it felt like too much effort in that particular moment.

[GL****]

  16 hours ago, Alexlamers said:

@TheMacabreBrat, I never said anyone owes me anything. I'm just saying that a written response would be courteous and polite.

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You gotta understand, brother that these women get bombarded by messages. It would be a full-time job to reply to every single person that messaged them. I wouldn’t take offense if you don’t get messaged. You gotta think about what they go through on this app. Trust me it’s not for the faint of heart. Don’t give up hope though you know you’ll find somebody that you will vibe with. You seem like a nice dude. Just be patient and you’ll find what you’re looking for.

[Pa****]

One thing the points 'can' be usefull, instead of a gift: if you are able to send a msg... Highlight it. If the person is getting 100's of msgs, might as well use up the silly points to make your msg stand out.

[Wantsaprincess]

  22 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Honestly, Char is right. It's not always about the person sending the message. Sometimes, it's the receiver. Eg, I had a relatively pleasant msg the other day, I've not responded to it because it felt like too much effort in that particular moment.

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And this is why people get blocked.

[CopperKnob]

  4 hours ago, Wantsaprincess said:

And this is why people get blocked.

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Oh no, someone sends an unsolicited message and chooses to block me if I don't respond, whatever shall I do...

[Se****]

  9 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Oh no, someone sends an unsolicited message and chooses to block me if I don't respond, whatever shall I do...

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It’s horrifying isn’t it 😬

[GL****]

  Yesterday at 05:42 AM, Alexlamers said:

@TheMacabreBrat, I never said anyone owes me anything. I'm just saying that a written response would be courteous and polite.

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OK, my man I thought about this quite a bit for you.

I am who I am as a man and a Dom because of all the women in my life and the women I’ve met through this lifestyle. I would simply just approach them as friends if you like their bio.

Say something like .

Hey I’m so and so. I’m purely reaching out to get a better understanding of women so I can be the best I can be in this lifestyle. I would love to just pick your brain about stuff and just see what really excites you and interests you about this lifestyle. I would be down to answer any questions you may have as well. Right now I’m strictly just working on my growth in this. If you don’t respond I completely understand. Good luck on your journey.”

Be real with yourself… you probably could use more growth. You got this man. I’m always still learning myself.

[CopperKnob]

  8 hours ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

It’s horrifying isn’t it 😬

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Sadly, I think for some people, it just might be

[ey****]

  On 3/31/2025 at 11:33 AM, sardonicus87 said:

Unless you live like in/around NYC, Atlanta, London or some other major metro area, that's the likely result. Most accounts you'll see are abandoned. Look at all the women who "ignored" you and I guarantee the vast majority will have a most recent visible login dated well before you sent your message.
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None of this is a dig at any women btw. This is just a reality check: most profiles are abandoned, often within 24-48 hours of creation.

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yep - this is it

like, take time - read and understand while keeping in mind a last visible login day.   If the person still  interests you, then of course drop a line, but assume they aren't coming back (or, if they do, will 'delete all' in inbox) but again the feelings of uselessness and constant rejection are lightened when it's "OK, maybe I won't message this person just now...." 

[Al****]

@GLOWfiend first, I want to thank you for taking the time to think about my question, and actually respond without just jumping in and accusing me of thinking that everyone I message "Owes" me a response. I don't think anyone "Owes" me a response, but I feel like it is just curtesy.
Your response is great advice. Thanks again for taking time to respond, I know you probably have "Hundreads of DMs in you inbox ."
Thanks again for responding to mine. Can I message you directly?

[Al****]

@eyemblacksheep thank you for your response. I'll keep your recommendations in mind.
Thanks again.

[TM****]

  Sunday at 08:04 PM, south-bend-mish said:

Thanks for the basic answer. Appreciated. I feel like I should gift you something for your help...

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😅🤣👍🎁🎁🎁

[Ki****]

  Monday at 06:38 AM, Nonnahs said:

I honestly dont even know what those mean or what they are for. So when i have seen i dont do anything at all

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Came to say the same thing - what ARE they supposed to be? When I got one the first time I took it as an insult: "So and so gave you a spank" Wtf why would someone do that to a Domme! But then I figured it is just a sticker people send. I just hope nobody iis paying to send those since it is really not clear what they are supposed to be or do.

[Th****]

  On 3/31/2025 at 3:14 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

so on the first half of your statement.  There's no magic wand I'm afraid. There's no magic button that will get a response.   There are things which will help, basically - keep the opening message brief, but make it count. A very brief intro to you and a basic kinda why you might be interested in them.  Actually show there's something about *them* rather than going through a list or messaging people who look active.  Specifically looking for people who interest you and where it seems like you are what they are looking for goes a lot further - this may involve messaging fewer people overall.

On the latter part.  This is something which is gonna sound off, but it's a preferred analogy. You get home from work and there's a pile of post.  I dunno, a pizza menu, something advertising a conservatory, some bills you need to pay and a letter from a penpal (do people even still have penpals?) 

So, like, you don't ring the pizza shop and say "hey, thanks for the menu - I don't want any pizza but appreciate the message" that'd be insane.  And, honestly, most messages are no better than pizza menus, if the person doesn't want pizza - they go in the bin.

Especially true if you didn't want a conservatory.

The bills might be a priority, but you might not even have to deal with that now - and as excited as you may be from a letter from your penpal - it could be days, weeks, or months before you sit down to respond - and this is someone who is somewhat of a friend

This is what we got to remember, sometimes we're nothing more than a leaflet for a conservatory, when we send to someone who lives in a flat... and to be honest, if they called us to be "sorry, I live on the 4th floor" we'd think they were the ones wasting our time. 

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In addition to this, is your opening message actually engaging? 

I get so many statements dropped in my inbox and there's nothing to be said in response to what was said. What am I supposed to do with a statement that's not engaging and there is no question to be answered? 

[ey****]

  32 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

In addition to this, is your opening message actually engaging? 

I get so many statements dropped in my inbox and there's nothing to be said in response to what was said. What am I supposed to do with a statement that's not engaging and there is no question to be answered? 

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Yep - good call

I think if it's some you have rapport with, it can be different

But if it's someone cold - a little... ask a question - and that question not "want to chat?" or "meet for a drink?" or variants there of - something which shows you're interested in them?