Neurodivergent Doms vs neurotypical subs

[ju****]

  6 hours ago, LG_eivor said:

ASD and ADHD sub here. I sort of made up a system that helps me, with the help of my psychologist. I used Google sheets for it: i made a list of my most common symptoms, what could trigger them, and what i would need from the dom (or partner in this case, i think anyone can tweak it). In the same sheet, i made a sort of key page with explanations for some of the behaviours and side effects, with linked research. It's not perfect, as it relies on the other person to read and pay attention too, but I've found It's more helpful than just saying you need some accomodations.

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I love this! I generally try to not spend time and energy on NT people. Whether romantically, sexually, or friendly, I end up misunderstood. Life is just so much easier when I’m surrounded by other AuDHD people

[Ma****]

  1 hour ago, kyojinxii said:

There are neurotypical subs?

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… sexual tendency isn’t a form of neurodivergence.

[Ma****]

  5 hours ago, MattyBlue said:

Ahhh that sounds like a dream 🥹

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I feel like it's not outside of the realm of reasonable expectation, even in a lifestyle dynamic relationship.

[Ty****]

I have adhd and quite a few other things that screw with my brain making me more emotional than most people. Which is hard, when you're a dom/Mistress. Having to constantly be in control of myself - emotions, words, actions... each measured and weighed before I do anything. It can be lonely - especially if you don't have someone else you can emotionally dump on. Unfortunately, sometimes I have swerved lanes and mixed slave with a friend and I regret each time. Not for the conversations themselves, I always enjoy talking to my slave... but for the undue stress I may have inadvertently given him. That's not my place as a dom/Mistress.

[ky****]

  12 hours ago, MattyBlue said:

… sexual tendency isn’t a form of neurodivergence.

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It was a joke

[cr****]

I am a neurotypical and my ex was neurodivergent with severe ADHD and some over sensory issues.
I think a lot of it is just understanding where your partner needs. Yes communication, but also the subtle hints and being able to read their body language.
Or myself being more of a surface enjoy taking care of my partner physically, but also their well-being.
A lot of times when things get overstimulated, I wouldn’t touch any other parts of his body. Always had white noise in the background and something solid for him to hold onto.

We would also parallel activities. Doing two separate things within the same shared space. He was a big gamer and I like to read so even though we were within 3 feet of each other we were still doing our own individual activities. I’m a very cuddly person so The constant antigen that we gave one another physically touching massaging caressing was a very welcomed activity.

I was actually more of a hypersexual person than he was

[Ara991]

Not quite sure if this will be a helpful contribution but as a neurodivergent sub (with similar 'barriers'), I've found that experiences/scenes go a lot smoother with another ND. Whilst I wouldn't rule out experiences with an NT dom, the fluidity of communication just doesn't compare! I genuinely believe this is because communication levels between NDs can often be unspoken because of our own individual experiences/thought processes/empathy levels etc.
No, I'm not saying it can be relied upon, especially in a d/s dynamic where boundaries/limits/fantasies/expectations need to be discussed, but holding out for an ND sub may just take the pressure off you, lifting the weight so to speak.

Someone above has already covered about building it into the d/s dynamic, and I would 100% agree with this. I would love for a dom to set this as an expectation/work into our dynamic, for me to check in with him, explore how he's feeling/where his thoughts are at.
Simply asking what his thought process is right at that moment (even if it's completely off topic which, let's be honest, there's a good chance of this!), or to ask him if he'd like to take a break/breather (possibly with a cup of tea or glass of wine to keep the mood light-hearted and relaxed) while we explore options...
In my personal experience, the more aware and connected I am to my dom, the more it actually helps me with my own self-awareness, and it's a reminder to reflect on my own thoughts during scenes/meets.
So yeah, not sure how this will help (it probably won't lol), but maybe even just knowing you're not alone in terms of it being something other NDs are conscious of and can struggle with time to time!

[Im****]

Practice makes perfect. Practice not being yourself, or simply a different version of yourself that you can snap into when you hit the bedroom. I have Asperger’s and deal with a lot of the same things that you listed, but when I walk in that bedroom, I’m no longer me, I’m Daddy. I also find that the horny I am the more I disregard my own feelings. Lastly, just communicate with your partner, even if you over-communicate. More than enough is better than not enough in this case, but conveying your feelings on the matter and what you like and what makes you feel out of sorts will help them understand your needs. I could be hard to read at times, but if I make an example out of a situation and say “right now, do you see how I look and am acting? I’m overstimulated.” That way when they see it, they can react accordingly and not do anything that crowds you. Best of luck to you, friend.

[Deleted Member]

I'll probably get raked over the coals for this, but would somebody explain to me what neurodivergent and neurotypical is? I know what ADHD is, or autism, or bipolar disorder, and other similar conditions, so is neurodivergent just a sort of catch-all phrase that means anything like that? And is neurotypical anybody who's not neurodivergent?

[Ma****]

  3 hours ago, guitarman1701 said:

I'll probably get raked over the coals for this, but would somebody explain to me what neurodivergent and neurotypical is? I know what ADHD is, or autism, or bipolar disorder, and other similar conditions, so is neurodivergent just a sort of catch-all phrase that means anything like that? And is neurotypical anybody who's not neurodivergent?

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That is probably the best sum up of neurodivergent I’ve ever read. Yes exactly what you thought it would be.

[Ma****]

  Thursday at 08:01 PM, ImSoProudOfYou said:

Practice makes perfect. Practice not being yourself, or simply a different version of yourself that you can snap into when you hit the bedroom. I have Asperger’s and deal with a lot of the same things that you listed, but when I walk in that bedroom, I’m no longer me, I’m Daddy. I also find that the horny I am the more I disregard my own feelings. Lastly, just communicate with your partner, even if you over-communicate. More than enough is better than not enough in this case, but conveying your feelings on the matter and what you like and what makes you feel out of sorts will help them understand your needs. I could be hard to read at times, but if I make an example out of a situation and say “right now, do you see how I look and am acting? I’m overstimulated.” That way when they see it, they can react accordingly and not do anything that crowds you. Best of luck to you, friend.

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That’s super helpful, thank you!

[Cy****]

Ngl neurotypical subs 🥱 boooring. Fun for one time but not for a real bdsm thing.

Over attachment or like obsession can be fixed by just straight up discipline. When you want to approach, evaluate for yourself, do I really want my sub now or is it just some sort of neuropathway dopamine fix. Then just *** yourself to deal with it. It’s like an addiction.

What kind of dom are you if you can’t even dom yourself into some basic discipline ;) let that be the motivation. X 💋

[tr****]

Train and tune your hyper focus in those moments to something that's natural,and you'll always have with you to regulate:

Your Breathing

Try this book: the art of Breath yogi ramasharaka

Once you figure out how to breathe again,use the breathing to slow down your thinking process in tandem. It'll give you the moments to ask urself questions like being sure of what you want in the moment. Being a Dom can be alot of pressure mentally resulting in overstim,and the moment can be messed up. So to make sure you can always "Find ur Dom", Just breathe.

Try matching your strokes to slow deep breaths and watch how it changes in the bedroom. If you need anymore help, just ask, that's what the community is for,don't mind the ones that talk too much

[Ka****]

  Tuesday at 04:27 PM, guitarman1701 said:

I'll probably get raked over the coals for this, but would somebody explain to me what neurodivergent and neurotypical is? I know what ADHD is, or autism, or bipolar disorder, and other similar conditions, so is neurodivergent just a sort of catch-all phrase that means anything like that? And is neurotypical anybody who's not neurodivergent?

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Even though you basically already know here's a quick sum lol 🫶
Neurodivergent people process information, think, and behave differently than what is considered "the norm."
While some neurodivergent individuals may have a medical diagnosis, like autism or ADHD, neurodivergence itself is not a diagnosis. It's a broader term describing a range of neurological differences. 
Examples of neurodivergence:
Conditions like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia are all considered forms of neurodivergence. 

The term "neurodiversity" acknowledges the natural variation in how people's brains work and that there's no one "correct" way to function. It's a movement that celebrates these differences and seeks to reduce stigma associated with neurodivergent conditions.