The whole switch debate

[Deleted Member]

OK I'm interested to know peoples views on this.. I've spent many years in a sub role. Even in vanilla relationships I often took a more submissive role as I've always gone for dominant natured men. In the rest of my life I've been a dominant woman.. A leader.. A manager and a successful career woman. As ive matured this dominant side of me has become more prevailing and therefore I've looked at the possibility of being more the dominant in relations.. My issue is I'm still craving a submissive role and additionally I'm struggling with the reality of subs occasionally being more needy and less authoratively masculine than I'm used too.. Opinions welcomed should I leave the dominant side to managing life and remain a submissive in relations. I do enjoy playing a dominant role in a scene  however I'm not sure I have the ability to also provide care and nurture in that dynamic in order to develop and grow my sub. Thanks for reading 

[Si****]

Here's what I think for what its worth: Firstly, I wouldn't try to be submissive if the need arises at a particular point to take a more dominant role.... The need arises because you're curious about it and that's a good thing. Yes, you may try and not like it or absolutely love it and carry on, whilst also not neglecting your Sub needs. So I would always recommend that you do what feels rigHT to you at that time... With ONE exception!!! If you're not sure you're going to be able to take care of your Sub, do NOT play. Literally as simplementation as that (unless of couse, your Sub tells you explicitly that they do not require aftercare/nurturing etc - even so, you should regularly check/offer). As a Sub, I suspect you might now yourself how, as relationships develops, Subs look up to their Doms more and more. They take great strength from them through many different interactions. But most importantly, I'd like to think that they learn that BDSM dynamics are really not about "people-beating-people" but the mutual understanding of each others needs. Through the contrast of something as "wrong" as hitting another person, then SHOWING them that you just did that through love and not hate... In short: BE the kind of Dom YOU would want to submit to!!!

[Carnelian2]

SirArtu put this very well. There are so many nuances to this, which also varies by people. For myself, what I would like is a mutually respectful relationship where both people have a role to play and also share their kinks. In that respect, you would also find the balance , at least, I think so

[Deleted Member]

Just go with your instinct Shelb. There is absolutely no point in denying your dominant side any more than you would your subservient. As you know, I'm looking at the reverse at the moment and feeling just as confused as you... x

[Deleted Member]

On 03/12/2017 at 12:49 AM, SirArtu said:

Here's what I think for what its worth: Firstly, I wouldn't try to be submissive if the need arises at a particular point to take a more dominant role.... The need arises because you're curious about it and that's a good thing. Yes, you may try and not like it or absolutely love it and carry on, whilst also not neglecting your Sub needs. So I would always recommend that you do what feels rigHT to you at that time... With ONE exception!!! If you're not sure you're going to be able to take care of your Sub, do NOT play. Literally as simplementation as that (unless of couse, your Sub tells you explicitly that they do not require aftercare/nurturing etc - even so, you should regularly check/offer). As a Sub, I suspect you might now yourself how, as relationships develops, Subs look up to their Doms more and more. They take great strength from them through many different interactions. But most importantly, I'd like to think that they learn that BDSM dynamics are really not about "people-beating-people" but the mutual understanding of each others needs. Through the contrast of something as "wrong" as hitting another person, then SHOWING them that you just did that through love and not hate... In short: BE the kind of Dom YOU would want to submit to!!!

My concern exactly.. I've a long way to go me thinks 

[Si****]

Don't give up on your dreams and desires.

I wish you the best of luck.

x

Artu