Vanilla after Kink

[Bi****]

When it comes to starting a vanilla lifestyle with a partner to start a family with , how much will the kinky mindset affect that ?
Is it possible to switch it off forever ?

[bw****]

It won’t go away if that’s what you’re thinking!!

[cr****]

It doesn't have to affect your kinks unless they require excessive sized play toys like human sized cages or adult furniture. Just make sure you keep your stuff locked away and only play when the kids are not home or asleep. Or find a babysitter for a night. You can still have your kinks and be an adult too.

[Deleted Member]

Depends on how into it you are. For most people it's not really something you can turn off. There will be times where you won't think of it, others were you think nothing but of it. Discuss this with your partner before settling down.

[Tr****]

This is a tough one as it depends on the person. I have 2 male friends who are very into their kink and one is engaged with 2 kids and his partner is vanilla. As he told me- there is more to life than kink and sex but he did say kink is the killer. His mind wonders and he lusts for that edge and he crossed the line when he cheated on his partner with smb more adventurous in bed. After a while he said he felt shit about it and it put different priorities in his life and he said the main one for him is porn. He stopped watching porn that drives that side of him and it mellowed down a lot and he is content. The other friend however just couldn't stick it. He tried to pursue his vanilla partner to try some things from time to time but it always backfired. Years passed and at the end he just bailed. He found sex not exciting and like a chore, his needs were not met and he felt while he was totally satisfying his partner he felt sexually frustrated.
So there u have it.. like I said it all depends on the person. Hope this helps in any way.

[dr****]

You don't have to be vanilla to be a parent

[we****]

i would say it’s better to find a partner who has the same kinks as you so yall can be sexually compatible

[La****]

That is scary. Personally Im going to play it safe and only going for someone with the compatible kinks to start a family. Either that or not at all. I cant imagine hurting my spouse and playing behind their back.

[be****]

Always, you have to have restraint/control over yourself if that's what you think needs to happen

[FS****]

As a parent who's a fan of kink, I can assure you that vanilla doesn't have to be your only option. If you want vanilla, then of course, go for it. If you want to continue to pursue your kinky sexual experience with your partner, then that's perfectly okay, too. The key is to talk about things with your partner. When it's time to be the parent, be a great one, be present, be attentive, and be on the ball. That way, when it's time for you and your partner to have some fun, you will both be more than happy to participate. Make time and space for yourself and your partner and the kink doesn't have to go away, it may just need a drawer or a closet for when the kiddo is awake haha

[GGem16]

Why does it have to be vanilla of you are married? I'm looking for a fellow kinkster to start ltr with. Because I want a loving kinky dynamic. I'm looking for compatible partner. Fet is essentially a dating app. Just have to screen and find one that's for you.

[be****]

Some people use kinks as an escape, some for fun, and some to just feel wanted. It's not an abnormal thing to want to be different

[BuzzLightSecond]

I would not recommend starting a LTR with someone that has different needs to your own, find someone that has kinks, there are plenty of us out there. After 22 years with my wife we seperated 15 months ago and life has never felt more normal and happier. When something so important is missing it can isolate and make you feel quite lonely. I will never go to the dark side if vanilla again.

[Bu****]

One will be unhappy, the other one was never bothered…

[sm****]

If you haven't communicated with your potential life long partner and especially one you intend on starting a family with, do so.  In the end if it's a one way street one partner will feel unfulfilled the other resentful.   Early honest communication is a must, as it can have a long term damaging impact on everyone involved.  Be honest with yourself, what are the needs and wants of all involved and how they can be rectified/communicated in a mutual manner.

[lo****]

It shouldn't happen anything if you choose the right partner. Your looking for love not just sex. Where by mere touch is far past what you get by random encounters. If unsure about how far ur partner goes, let him drive for awhile, if he's on course, let it be, if he's all over the road, kick his out the driver's seat and show him how momma likes it. Lol. Take it easy on him. Especially, if he's an Aquarius. I'm one, so I should know, if want romance and passion from day to day end. Aquarius.

[Be****]

Having our four never caused too much a strain in our kink life. A little pause when I got too big for much fun 😁 but otherwise we keep on keeping on

[on****]

From my experience u can't switch it off forever but if u guys want a family switch it off or find an outlet to still do kinky stuff to each other while trying for a family me being the freak I am since I was 18 years old I had found other kinks to do while pregnant but it's a couple effort

[Ed****]

Many times did one side of restraints have to be released. For little drinks of water, in the middle of the night,lol. Youll figure it out

[An****]

Depends on the kink. If your kink is belly punching, no bueno while there's a bun in the oven. But most you could do some version of.

[wp****]

I am going the opposite way. After anazing kink in my early days it was unnaturally suppressed owing to my partner's vanilla bature. After 24 years of a relationship tgat was broken in so many ways I fibd myself single and wanting to revisit my wild side. Coming back to your case ensure you communicate all facets of your life or you run the risk of resentment building and once there is resentment its virtually impossible to shake off. Good luck and I am sure people here will give you sage advice.

[Ro****]

Coming from someone who was married in a vanilla relationship for 20 years and then divorced, single with kids and solo poly since divorce now an empty nester.

First, I'll say you do not need to be vanilla to be a parent. It's a matter of discretion.

Second, I'll say it's hard going vanilla after kink. Though women are more successful at this, I'm not sure why. Depends on your own preferences of what gives you satisfaction. Sometimes, it seems unnecessary. Other times, it could become obsessive. Plan possibilities and discuss it.

[la****]

I don’t think you can ever go vanilla. I had a vanilla but gradually won him over! If you truly love each other I don’t think there’s anything you won’t at least try to please your partner. And when you do you both win! The intimacy is exquisite!

[ne****]

What truly is vanilla? Just bc someone isn't into traditional kink or bdsm they surely have some type of fetish to explore

[JC****]

Have you ever watched billions? I think that tv show can answer this question