Deleted Member Posted April 12, 2020 Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) I’m wildly in the closet with regards to my sexual desires in my vanilla life. I simply don’t move in the circles of friends or colleagues that would understand. However I do feel this adds to the excitement of it for me, it’s my private little secret and escape from the mundane day to day life we can find ourselves living. Recently I confided in a friend about my kinky life choice and she couldn’t understand it. I struggled to explain it too. I started at the beginning where I met a man that turned out to be a Dom and how I was drawn in and it was all so exciting and new. I told her the experiences he offered me and the self awareness that followed. I went into great depths about the physiological and mental growth I gained while belonging to him. With all the good aspects I shared with her I had to share the bad too. I had to explain to her that when it ended, when he released me I was broken.... not completely shattered though as I still had my perfect vanilla life to live but fractured. There were cracks in my soul that weren’t there before him. She asked a question I’d asked myself numerous times before and that was “If it was all so perfect and I was happy before, why couldn’t I simply return to that?” I dug deep to answer this question, well as deep as a DC Comic but you know, read the right way that shit can reach great depths. I referred to when Harley Quinn met the Joker, she was a successful, well rounded, beautiful woman a woman that not only knew her own mind but had a mind great enough to understand the disturbed mind of others and make sense of them. She was captivated by the Joker, she knew his way of life was obscene to others and well quite frankly could be dangerous but she craved to enter and belong to this world... not because of the surroundings it offered but because she’d enter it as his. He’d own her, protect her and always put her first as she would him. She took Jokers hand and entered this unknown world, in order to make her ‘fit in’ there Joker had to first break and disfigure her. To do this he placed her in a drum of toxic waste but only long enough to change her humanity not her. After all he’d chose her, groomed her and made her his pet. Once he pulled her from near death she put on the costume and wore the mask he chose. She gave up all she knew and trusted him to lead her to a better way of living, a free way without ridicule or judgment. For a short period of time Harley Quinn loved this life and fully embraced it, taking every experience she could and devouring them with her body and soul. However one day she woke up and missed who she once was, she chose to leave the life that Joker had carved out for them. She took off her costume and mask and handed it back to him. Returning to her old life she felt incomplete, she knew it was Joker that was missing but she also knew that they were was wrong together. She tried in vein to fit back in, to belong, to be fulfilled by the life she once loved but that was never to be the case. Joker broke her and stripped her of her humanity ... he changed her to her core but what Joker also done was rebuild her. The new Harley Quinn could never go back to the life she once knew after experiencing the life Joker had offered her so she ran back to him and with open arms he presented her with her costume and mask because in the underworld what’s Joker without his Harley Quinn and visa versa. By this point my friend was looking at me like I was crazy... maybe I am but I couldn’t describe it to her in any other way..... **Disclaimer** My opinion of that relationship not fact. I appreciate their relationship was built on *** and not the pillars of BDSM. Edited April 12, 2020 by Deleted Member Spell check
Mo**** Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 Dark_Princess, you found with your Dom, a dynamic that matched what your life subconsciously needed for fulfillment. We go through the same types of feelings in the vanilla life when we invest our 'everything' in that other person. There is a difference however, in that, in the vanilla world, we never really let our guard down, and although we generally hate lies, we actually live those lies with our partners, because there is seldom true, open and honest communication, and so we have this thin veil we live behind, because we are not sure that our partners will fully understand, and will judge us. So in the end, we make a life behind those veils of secrecy, and for most of us, we make do. When you come into this kinky life, you find that the different kinks don't matter, and that we are not judged for who or what we are. In this life you are appreciated for those things. This life we lead is suppose to be fun, exciting, and fulfilling with the meeting of our desires and needs being matched by another. In this life, we are less inclined to look for the cheerleader/supermodel type (male perspective here) and go for the open mind, the personality, the intelligence, the honesty, and willingness to experience and explore what life has to offer. It should be and is a place where there is a true meeting of the minds. When you give yourself in such a way to another, when that relationship dies, it feels even harder to take than in the vanilla world, but truly, it isn't. If we enjoy this life that much, it is as simple as putting yourself back out there to try and find another match. YOUR not broken or fractured, your simply scared that you will never actually live those feelings and emotions again - but you will. You as the Princess, might just have to kiss a few frogs along the way, but eventually, you will find that other mind you want to connect with. Princess, you also need to reflect on you as the individual. Through life we grow and develop, and eventually bloom like the beautiful flower. When we are in relationships, we should be doing the same, but in tandem to the individual growth. If either of these spheres of growth ceases, then we as a person go backwards, or as a couple, the relationship withers and dies like the fruit on the vine. The final aspect to this is that sometimes, unfortunately, one will outgrow the other, and if totally honesty and respect are accepted traits, the one that is holding back the relationship, should release the other to continue their growth. This is hard to do, but for the benefit of both, it must be done in order to have that contentment in life. If any of your friends should ever question your involvement in this life, just ask them, if you know them well enough, have YOU been totally open and honest with your partner about your life, your experiences and not held anything back from them. This stops them in their tracks and makes them think.
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 you will find its easier to keep it secret, most of vanilla people's idea about bdsm is spank whip and collar, and don't understand the deep mind set! Your best friends will be on these sites, we share the same passion poison, well few of us only some are only to play a bit and disappeared when they discovered its harder than what they had in mind. keep searching....
Carnelian2 Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 @little_dark_princess - I like the way you write and express this. It also made me think of the Dracula series over Christmas and the love he showed for her - despite her disfugurement. The depth of feelings involved in D/s relationships are logical to me, but still hits me when it ends. In difference to vanilla relationships, you have to develop a trust and confidence which only really develops in vanilla relationships after a very long time. I am talking about long-term relationships not short encounters, as this is what I am looking for myself. It is like any groups of people; only another addict can understand the emotions and thoughts that addiction brings, whilst only another kinkster can understand the depth of emotions that can be involved in D/s. It is ironic when you get the impression that some people get involved with D/s to avoid emotional involvement and focus on the acts of submission and Domination, but there you go. I don't know if you already are, but once this is over, maybe go to a few Munches - there are some great ones. I go to four different ones in London, which are all great. LAM also has talks on the mental aspect of BDSM as well as offering a good market.
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Carnelian2 said: @little_dark_princess - I like the way you write and express this. It also made me think of the Dracula series over Christmas and the love he showed for her - despite her disfugurement. The depth of feelings involved in D/s relationships are logical to me, but still hits me when it ends. In difference to vanilla relationships, you have to develop a trust and confidence which only really develops in vanilla relationships after a very long time. I am talking about long-term relationships not short encounters, as this is what I am looking for myself. It is like any groups of people; only another addict can understand the emotions and thoughts that addiction brings, whilst only another kinkster can understand the depth of emotions that can be involved in D/s. It is ironic when you get the impression that some people get involved with D/s to avoid emotional involvement and focus on the acts of submission and Domination, but there you go. I don't know if you already are, but once this is over, maybe go to a few Munches - there are some great ones. I go to four different ones in London, which are all great. LAM also has talks on the mental aspect of BDSM as well as offering a good market. @Carnelian2 this was over 3 years ago so I’ve since had subsequence D/S relationships. It was just a recent conversation but I love your idea of munches. 💗
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 6 hours ago, MossyBoy said: When you come into this kinky life, you find that the different kinks don't matter, and that we are not judged for who or what we are. In this life you are appreciated for those things. This life we lead is suppose to be fun, exciting, and fulfilling with the meeting of our desires and needs being matched by another. In this life, we are less inclined to look for the cheerleader/supermodel type (male perspective here) and go for the open mind, the personality, the intelligence, the honesty, and willingness to experience and explore what life has to offer. It should be and is a place where there is a true meeting of the minds. Princess, you also need to reflect on you as the individual. Through life we grow and develop, and eventually bloom like the beautiful flower. When we are in relationships, we should be doing the same, but in tandem to the individual growth. If either of these spheres of growth ceases, then we as a person go backwards, or as a couple, the relationship withers and dies like the fruit on the vine. The final aspect to this is that sometimes, unfortunately, one will outgrow the other, and if totally honesty and respect are accepted traits, the one that is holding back the relationship, should release the other to continue their growth. This is hard to do, but for the benefit of both, it must be done in order to have that contentment in life. @MossyBoy I love this! It’s certainly a meeting of minds and self growth is so important 💗
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 When I woke up this morning my first feeling was anxiety... I thought oh no people are going to think I’m calling D/S wrong, sick and twisted but that’s not the case. I was just trying to explain how one mind can mould another to the point of no return. The Little Princess in me could very easily draw this conclusion from the relationship between Beauty and The Beast... at first she sacrificed herself to be in his company but then became to grow and change while accepting his way of life (symbolic when they drink from the soup bowl discarding the use of spoons) When he released her back to her normal life he still craved her presence but she was unsure... eventually she returned to live happily ever after and they became complete.
cautiousswitch Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 In the vanilla world there is a common belief that men just take sex for granted. Why would you want to add abusive behaviour on top of that? People don't realize the amount of thought and communication that goes into practicing good kink. Most people's concept of it is as it is portrayed in the media, usually two people are making out and one produces a pair of handcuffs that the other wasn't expecting. In most cases it's not like that at all. The misconceptions have to be torn down before trying to explain the reality.
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 @cautiousswitch I had a conversation with a Dom about this recently. I was trying to explain to them how a Submissive gives their mind before their body. I was truly shocked at the silence which followed, once it was broken I felt like I’d actually impacted his thought process and hope changed it for the better.
cautiousswitch Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 7 minutes ago, little_dark_princess said: @cautiousswitch I had a conversation with a Dom about this recently. I was trying to explain to them how a Submissive gives their mind before their body. I was truly shocked at the silence which followed, once it was broken I felt like I’d actually impacted his thought process and hope changed it for the better. There are people who want to be dominant because they think it means they get whatever they want. Even here you will occasionally find posts about how a real submissive does whatever is expected of them without question yadda yadda yadda. Most of us disagree with that.
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 1 minute ago, cautiousswitch said: “There are people who want to be dominant because they think it means they get whatever they want. “ I don’t think this was 100% the case with him but he focused so much in the physicality of the arrangement he didn’t appreciate the emotional and/or mental impact of submission. 💗
Mo**** Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 11 minutes ago, little_dark_princess said: I don’t think this was 100% the case with him but he focused so much in the physicality of the arrangement he didn’t appreciate the emotional and/or mental impact of submission. 💗 Dark_Princess, I am a firm believer that unless the minds meet, then the bodies never will. For me as a Dominant, I have to be able to get inside the head of my submissive, and this may take hours, days or possibly weeks. Once I am there, then we can worry about the physical aspects of the dynamic, and the attaining and fulfilling of the needs. Being dominant usually means you either take the time to ensure the submissive feels that connection, or, like the dominant you were speaking to the other day, 'get on the train girl and I will give you what you need mentality'. A lot of newbies, unfortunately, don't understand the difference, and so readily accept what that type of dominant has to offer. It is not only newbies that fall into this 'trap' though. Being dominant, IF you take your submissive's needs into account, is a lot of hard work and takes effort. And not every session will involve sex, or at least not in my sessions.
Ky**** Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 26 minutes ago, cautiousswitch said: There are people who want to be dominant because they think it means they get whatever they want. Even here you will occasionally find posts about how a real submissive does whatever is expected of them without question yadda yadda yadda. Most of us disagree with that. just as at the start many of us subs seem to think being sub is about giving up everything, nice to see it stated I've run into a few D who expected me to behave like that, I'm learning, hopefully
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 Not enough people appreciate the emotional and mental impact of submission.
Kriss123 Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 Would you mind if I contributed something to this topic Dark Princess ?
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 Feel free @Brittone2 everyone is entitled to their opinion here 💗
Kriss123 Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 36 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said: Not enough people appreciate the emotional and mental impact of submission. 4 minutes ago, little_dark_princess said: Feel free @Brittone2 everyone is entitled to their opinion here 💗 Thanks dark princess all I wanted to add its good when it's emotional but don't forget it's also a gift..xx cool post
Deleted Member Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 Dangerous territory the whole “Gift” debate 😂💗
Kriss123 Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ariel said: How dark are you 😍💖🎀 I am the Darkness reaching into the Dark... Feel the chill.. it feels so real..
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