Got A "Blackmail" Threat

[Su****]

I've been talking with a new Domme I met on kinkoo app the past couple weeks. I know of kinkoo's reputation for fakes and scammers so needless to say I was extra cautious at the start of the conversation. We moved the conversation to snapchat and turned out she is also a content creator on Only Fans and AVN so as a show of good faith and as a way of checking her out more I decided to subscribe to her (her subscription costs where very low so I figured it was worth it). I can say with confidence that she is legit and not a catfish in that respect.

She turns out to be a findomme to which I admit my hesitance to move forward with anything due to my own current financial situation not being the best (out of work without pay for im losing count but possibly over a month now due to the virus) Couple that with how expensive cost of living where I live working a job that wasnt much over minimum wage and recently being cut the overtime hours that at least made it decent, I'm not entirely sure I can afford to please a findomme. More importantly as I'm sure those who have read my previous posting have pieced together I'm looking for a real and genuine bond/relationship with a domme, not something superficial or bought. She assures me she understands its crazy times and what not and she gets my situation and is willing to work with me.

(I fully admit I should have ended things there but with everything going on I've been struggling with my mental health a lot in all honesty. So ik it doesnt make it any better or bail me out from being at fault in any of this, but I let my *** i guess of being alone get the better of me and i continued talking with her.)

Fast forward a couple days of casual chat trying to get to know each other better (we had a bit in common such as we both enjoyed video games). She mentions she wants me to make a list for her of everything that I was into and what my limits where as well as if i had any ideas for content she could make. In case we move forward she wants to be able to have her fun but doesn't want to do anything to make me uncomfortable or cross any boundaries. I do so and type up my lists to send to her, and she approves of them.

We continue chatting casual for a bit longer, until one day via snapchat she starts teasing me and winds up leading to a little sexting/play via snap. After that end ends she asks what I'm in the mood to do and when I responded to go eat she hints she towards she wasnt done with me yet. So i ask and she explains to me she's been wanting to drain one of her subs all day and hasnt gotten the chance too (I already made a couple small tributes to her that day during the play figuring that was fair and she had approved of it). She told me she wanted to play a drain game with me.

I have never heard of this so I tell her straight up i didnt know what it was so no promises but if theres something i can do to entertain her at least ill see if I can. She  mentions it can be played 2 ways 1 via twitter, and another via spinning a wheel. I say im not comfortable with twitter and dont like the sound of the wheel as I'm not one to gamble especially when i havent seen the wheel or know the odds. She describes it without really telling me what it is or is on this wheel, so i ask to see it and just get a vague there are only "small amounts" on it. My anxiety is now giving me a very hard time and im realizing this is not what i want as I fight back a panic attack, I tell her this and that I'm out, to which she responds "ok." I then block her on snap and cash app in a panic and delete my Only Fans and AVN accounts (i had only made to sub to her as im not a fan of either site.) I than start getting bombarded with cashapp requests from random girls i am assuming are her findomme friends. I blocked probably about 15 users in 5 minutes before i just shut down that cashapp account. That was 2 nights ago. 

Fast forward to a few hours ago I'm on my personal Instagram and saw she sent me a message request last night (I never gave her my instagram handle). To sum up she was pretty much threatened to message the lacrosse team i just recently signed for telling them "who I really am" and asked if id like that since I wasted her time. and letting me know she knew my twitter handle as well. I didnt respond or accept the message request even and just blocked her right away on insta and searched her and blocked her on twitter as well (her twitter was in her instagram bio). So for 2nd time in 3 nights im having another round with my anxiety now... (Im confident if i did reply at all a demand for more tribute would have been made).

I completely understand I made a ton of mistakes in this, but as much as it doesnt suprise me it still stings someone stoop that low or be that petty over it. (Not like i was her only finsub i did the math from a snapstory she posted she has at least 10-12 others going off that, which also kinda bugged me but i wasnt gonna complain to her about anyway.) Last thing I wanna do is waste anyones time trust me and i probably could have handled ending it better, but I was in the middle of a panic attack so idk. Plus i feel like taking the time to do all she does since with sending my cahsapp out there and threatening is wasting more time. I gave her some tribute at least for the time she gave me I feel like but again idk.

I'm not entirely worried if she does end up messaging my team cause I did nothing illegal and sure it will be embarrasing as heck, and ill probably end up the face of many locker room jokes, but its not my full time job or career, and my family isnt involved in that at least. Even if she did somehow manage to get me cut there will always be another team i could try and play for.

Even with that I'm feeling very defeated by all this. I feel like every step forward I find a way to take even more backwards, and im honestly about ready to give up and take a step back again... Idk, but for those who have stuck with and read my venting I very much appreciate it <3 hope others can at least learn from my mistakes and avoid making them themselves.

[FETMOD-TF]

We are sorry to hear this happened to you, even outside of Findomme her behavior was inappropriate.

For those of you who wish to offer support and or advice, please remember to keep things civil and not make attacks on this fetish or those who choose to indulge in it, in general. 

[ey****]

So, first off - this sucks that this happened to you.

Her behaviour isn't representative of those into the fetish or these kinda games - but obviously totally unacceptable and the kind of irresponsible behaviour that can often give a lot of folk a bad name.

However.  I do have a little bit of help and advice for your situation.

Basically, any compiled evidence you have of this, particularly the blackmail element and that she was coercing you into games you weren't happy with.

Take this to : OnlyFans, AVN, Instagram, Twitter, anything else she uses.
OF and AVN she will have had to verify on, so she will likely lose her account and won't be able to sign back up to do this again.

IG and Twitter she'll probably be back to square one on - it might be an inconvenience at most, but certainly her main revenue sources will dry.

If she's using CashApp take it to them also - I can't remember if you need to verify there but, again, if you do then she won't be able to sign back up which means she cannot do this to others.

OnlyFans (or other platforms) *might* refund you any spending there also, or they might not.  If they don't, you can speak to your bank about recovering it.

[Su****]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, first off - this sucks that this happened to you.

Her behaviour isn't representative of those into the fetish or these kinda games - but obviously totally unacceptable and the kind of irresponsible behaviour that can often give a lot of folk a bad name.

However.  I do have a little bit of help and advice for your situation.

Basically, any compiled evidence you have of this, particularly the blackmail element and that she was coercing you into games you weren't happy with.

Take this to : OnlyFans, AVN, Instagram, Twitter, anything else she uses.
OF and AVN she will have had to verify on, so she will likely lose her account and won't be able to sign back up to do this again.

IG and Twitter she'll probably be back to square one on - it might be an inconvenience at most, but certainly her main revenue sources will dry.

If she's using CashApp take it to them also - I can't remember if you need to verify there but, again, if you do then she won't be able to sign back up which means she cannot do this to others.

OnlyFans (or other platforms) *might* refund you any spending there also, or they might not.  If they don't, you can speak to your bank about recovering it.

Thank you for that advice!! After I blocked her instagram I realized I should have taken screenshots of her threats to me, but could go back to recover them so i didn't save any of the evidence per say and being as most of our conversations where on snapchat, they disappeared after being opened. Also I am hesitant to do anything more to provoke the situation, as to my knowledge she hasn't followed through with any of it, so i'd also rather not provoke her to do so should I report her without these screenshot of her threats and she get off due to me not collecting the evidence.

[ey****]

I think it's at least worth collecting evidence.

now, if you're right that she has up to a dozen guys on the go doing similar with - you reporting her would make it very difficult to know for sure who it was.  

 

[Su****]

Just now, eyemblacksheep said:

I think it's at least worth collecting evidence.

now, if you're right that she has up to a dozen guys on the go doing similar with - you reporting her would make it very difficult to know for sure who it was.  

 

True, I guess i can reach out to snapchat and instagram and see if there are any ways to access those conversations we've had there. I just tried briefly unblocking her insat to see if the the message was still be on insta. The option to accept, deny her message attempt came up, but her message with the threat did not.

[Ky****]

3 minutes ago, SubWhoLovesGloves said:

True, I guess i can reach out to snapchat and instagram and see if there are any ways to access those conversations we've had there. I just tried briefly unblocking her insat to see if the the message was still be on insta. The option to accept, deny her message attempt came up, but her message with the threat did not.

that seems the best bet, regrettably all those of us who aren't fully out to the world wrt our lifestyle run this risk.  Remember so long as you aren't that worried about what she can do, which in your op you stated, she is potentially leaving herself open to worse consequences since demanding *** with menaces is a serious offence and she may also fall foul of various revenge porn laws, something for her to consider I hope.

[Deleted Member]

I'm sorry, but NEVER invest *** in people you don't know shit about. I mean really, a person you know, that struggles in life OKAY! Even some donations to organisations with a social direction would be more worth it, since you just feel good knowing you help a lot of people! 
And just because you wrote you are ready to give up. Just think about your own expectations and reduce them! Most of the time, nowadays, people get lost in the catalog of dating apps. Searching like they would upgrade their home with a new cozy couch.
Man, people are individuals and not "things" that we can choose like our most liked coloring of this couch. There is also NO ideal partner out there. It's more like growing close to each other. I find often that people forget that in their own greed and desire for something or someone. 

And people can only blackmail you, if You let them! There are enough things you could do to prevent things like that. 

Edited April 19, 2020 by Deleted Member

[cautiousswitch]

I know very little about most social media apps - it looks as if you've been given good advice by other people already on contacting administrators on them.

From the name, snapchat sounds like someplace where pictures can be exchanged.  Did you ever send her any pictures that could be considered compromising or were all your kinky exchanges text only?

If she has no compromising pictures then it's your word against hers.  Do a preliminary strike.  In casual conversation with one or two of your lacrosse buddies mention how you met a woman on line a couple of months ago and broke it off and that she contacted some other friend and started spreading rumours about you.  Mention that she's photoshopped fake conversations with you.  Don't give any specifics, just that it was some weird stuff she was saying.  Let the story spread organically to the rest of the team.  If she carries through on her threat then they will have to choose between your story and hers, if she doesn't then there's no harm.

Normally, I'm for going with the truth but she has the extremely childish attitude of let her have her way or she will do something illegal, and that should not be indulged.

 

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, cautiousswitch said:

From the name, snapchat sounds like someplace where pictures can be exchanged.  Did you ever send her any pictures that could be considered compromising or were all your kinky exchanges text only?

Snapchat - you send photos/video but the other person can only view/access for a maximum of 10 seconds.   If they attempt to save the content, you get a message back saying they saved it.  So, you know if they've kept anything sent.

[ey****]

just as a further thought

blackmail can occur outside any of the *** exchange sites or applications

if someone coerces you into any form of pic/video exchange (which, hey, might even be what someone is excited by) then there's always a risk at any time they can spring "I have your personal info - pay up" 

this is a risk anyone trying to drag someone off to hangouts or the likes may try to pull also.  (remember, drag someone to hangouts, you have their phone number - search the phone number against twitter/facebook they get your profile and then access to who they deem to be key contacts "pay me or I send to....") 

[Su****]

7 minutes ago, cautiousswitch said:

I know very little about most social media apps - it looks as if you've been given good advice by other people already on contacting administrators on them.

From the name, snapchat sounds like someplace where pictures can be exchanged.  Did you ever send her any pictures that could be considered compromising or were all your kinky exchanges text only?

If she has no compromising pictures then it's your word against hers.  Do a preliminary strike.  In casual conversation with one or two of your lacrosse buddies mention how you met a woman on line a couple of months ago and broke it off and that she contacted some other friend and started spreading rumours about you.  Mention that she's photoshopped fake conversations with you.  Don't give any specifics, just that it was some weird stuff she was saying.  Let the story spread organically to the rest of the team.  If she carries through on her threat then they will have to choose between your story and hers, if she doesn't then there's no harm.

Normally, I'm for going with the truth but she has the extremely childish attitude of let her have her way or she will do something illegal, and that should not be indulged.

 

 

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Snapchat - you send photos/video but the other person can only view/access for a maximum of 10 seconds.   If they attempt to save the content, you get a message back saying they saved it.  So, you know if they've kept anything sent.

Yup, a few pics and brief vids where exchanged by both of us, but i never got any notification she did save or screenshot them so i do not believe she still has access to any of them.

[Su****]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

just as a further thought

blackmail can occur outside any of the *** exchange sites or applications

if someone coerces you into any form of pic/video exchange (which, hey, might even be what someone is excited by) then there's always a risk at any time they can spring "I have your personal info - pay up" 

this is a risk anyone trying to drag someone off to hangouts or the likes may try to pull also.  (remember, drag someone to hangouts, you have their phone number - search the phone number against twitter/facebook they get your profile and then access to who they deem to be key contacts "pay me or I send to....") 

Yup for that reason whenever someone wants to chat me off of the app or site I meet them on I only do it via snapchat. cause the nature of live pictures videos, can give me some sence of verifying who they are.

[Deleted Member]

If you want to take some actual action against them then you may be able to raise a case here: https://www.actionfraud.police.uk/

[Deleted Member]

Sorry to hear this dude I see many have already given great advice but I just want to say in regards to your mental health don't beat yourself up over it. Now trust me I know that's way easier said than done and I'm being a hypocrite tbh lol but many people have given someone the benefit of the doubt when they really shouldn't have due to their mood.
Mental health is a bitch and it will make you feel very low as you clearly already know. However it's not your fault. A starving person would eat food that many would pass up so it's kind of the same here. What is important is to acknowledge what happened remain calm and learn from it as it seems you already have. You are no less of anything for this happening to you in fact you are more experienced.
I myself had a situation where I went forward with a sub despite feeling it wasn't right and trust me it bit me in the ass BIG time. I also felt that was it and I was in serious trouble but in reality once I calmed down and went over it I made an action plan on how to react if she tried to attack me ect and things soon died down. I even ended up meeting a lovely young lady who was there for me and we needed up dating for a while.
Point is some good could come from this or not either way though you must beat yourself up. We all fall off the horse and we all need to get back on it.

[cautiousswitch]

There is actually one that's going through spam mail that I've gotten twice already.  Someone claiming to be able to hack into your computer and skype at the same time so that they have footage of you and what you are watching.  They say they've created a split screen of you watching porn that they'll post on your facebook page, which they also claim to have hacked if you don't deposit *** into a bitcoin account. 

Less believable than this one, as it is created by someone making random threats to people they've never met and have no real details about, but attempted internet blackmail is probably going to increase as time goes on.

[TemptressM]

Mental Health is a big problem in BDSM and some seem to pray on this too.  I understand you wanting some contact with someone and also understand why you took it as far as you did.  Please please learn from this and realize that most that ask for this type of thing are about 80% fakes and scammers and will do anything to keep the flow of *** coming in.

  I myself detest the glorified version that Findom has become and actually had a conversation with a real Dom that does infact have this kink.  I asked her why she did it to try and get an understanding of Findom and she told me she only ever did it with her real life subs and never ever asked them for more than they could afford. 

If you ever need someone to talk to or need to reach out please send me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can.  Again I will say I am NOT into Findom but love to help people. 

[cautiousswitch]

40 minutes ago, TemptressM said:

  I myself detest the glorified version that Findom has become and actually had a conversation with a real Dom that does infact have this kink.  I asked her why she did it to try and get an understanding of Findom and she told me she only ever did it with her real life subs and never ever asked them for more than they could afford.

The only domme I know who does findom does it in person and it's usually having her piggies take her on s shopping spree.  She hates that there is an increasing number of young women with no real domme experience who realize that they can convince men to pay them for the 'privilege' of video chatting.

[Vandalslut]

3 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

There is actually one that's going through spam mail that I've gotten twice already.  Someone claiming to be able to hack into your computer and skype at the same time so that they have footage of you and what you are watching.  They say they've created a split screen of you watching porn that they'll post on your facebook page, which they also claim to have hacked if you don't deposit *** into a bitcoin account. 

We had this one a few times too - and the joke was definitely on the scammer as we don't have Facebook. I'm not very au fait with all the social media mentioned here, but it seems this scamming she-devil hasn't kept anything significant she can use against you so I wouldn't let it worry you too much. It would be a good idea to screen shot and save anything you can - but it's alarming that she could find you on twitter. Even if she does make good her threat and tell the lacrosse team, it'd be your word against hers and I'm sure every member of the team has had scamming attempts made on them since  these scams are now so common and it would be your word against hers. SubWhoLovesGloves, wishing you all the best and well done you for telling your story. It might be an idea to choose a couple of social media accounts that have good protection measures - could help with the anxiety - and drop the rest.   Best and blessings

[ey****]

2 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

The only domme I know who does findom does it in person and it's usually having her piggies take her on s shopping spree.  She hates that there is an increasing number of young women with no real domme experience who realize that they can convince men to pay them for the 'privilege' of video chatting.

that's interesting in the sense that...

video chatting for a fee is neither new, nor strictly Findom.  It's an off shoot of cam girls, which is arguably and off shoot from phone sex/lines which has about 40 years of history.

But, a lot of this ties in with another thread - a lot of people hate there are new/young ladies doing online Domination but lack experience, yet people are happier to shun them ahead of looking to help or at least understand why so many young ladies are turning to different forms of sex work (clue: it's cos the economy is fucked)

Equally, the concept of in-person Findom isn't really much different.  There's also presumably an upper budget set and the sub in this scenario is paying for the 'privilege' of going shopping.

A lot of the online ladies are shoved and pushed away from others; so end up just teaching themselves and that ends up with the somewhat erratic types

[Ky****]

8 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

The only domme I know who does findom does it in person and it's usually having her piggies take her on s shopping spree.  She hates that there is an increasing number of young women with no real domme experience who realize that they can convince men to pay them for the 'privilege' of video chatting.

to me that's not so much a problem, taking a Lady on a shopping spree is not really findom, nor is paying to chat on video, what is the problem is what the scammers want which is just random regular payments, which I think is what is usually practiced in consensual findom as well, if that's what makes someone happy fine, the problem is telling the difference early enough

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Kymi said:

to me that's not so much a problem, taking a Lady on a shopping spree is not really findom, nor is paying to chat on video, what is the problem is what the scammers want which is just random regular payments, which I think is what is usually practiced in consensual findom as well, if that's what makes someone happy fine, the problem is telling the difference early enough

if you are consensually paying somebody regularly then it's not a scam.  

[Ky****]

31 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if you are consensually paying somebody regularly then it's not a scam.  

that's why I concluded with 'the problem is telling the difference early enough '

[ey****]

10 minutes ago, Kymi said:

that's why I concluded with 'the problem is telling the difference early enough '

I think we're going really off-topic.  But.  If someone is on a site they have to verify (like OnlyFans, AVN, etc) then chances are they are at least who they say they are.  From there, there are t+c they must follow that the person referred to in the OP has not - being on a site where you have to verify, or having a verified profile, gives a lot of security.

Usually, the ones that are actually scams are obvious, because it's an *unverified* account trying to take you to hangouts or asking for a gift card it's difficult to gain a refund for.