Munch Notes/Agenda - Dom/me/sub Frenzy - 18th June 2020

[Th****]

 

Welcome Kinksters to this week’s munch, tonight we are going to munch on the topic of Dom/Sub Frenzy, which we are sure many members are experiencing at present with the whole lockdown period.

Do you know what a Dom/me/Sub Frenzy is?

 

Submissive Frenzy is a state of mind that you may experience at any point in your submission. It is most associated with new submissives, but it can also come about when more seasoned submissives end a relationship or even during a relationship. During submissive frenzy, you may feel a desperate need to have your desires fulfilled.

 

What are the signs of a Dom/me/Sub Frenzy?

 

●        Mental health may be heightened, anxious all the time, lack of sleep, restlessness, not eating properly.

●        You are at your wits end and do not know what to do with yourself.  Rollercoaster of emotions.

●        That feeling of being of being a child in a sweet shop again, so much choice!

●        Doing things, you would not have necessarily considered doing before.

●        Possibly putting yourself into a reckless or dangerous situation because the need for your kink is in a heightened state by the lack of it.

●        Agreeing to partnerships that you would have avoided previously.

●        Not sticking to your limits, letting your cautions go by the wayside.

●        Self-Medicating.

 

How can you counteract a Dom/me/Sub Frenzy? How can you stop yourself from going down that path?

 

Often this is physical play or service. If you do not have a partner, it is likely that you can ask a Dominant that you trust from within your circle of friends for an outlet. A lot of them understand why you need it and are willing to provide.

Community involvement is also helpful in-service cases. Not necessarily in the BDSM community but any volunteer work where you are directly helping others feels good and feeds the submissive soul. Giving back is like filling up on happiness.

 

 

Are any of you currently experiencing a Dom/me/Sub Frenzy? If so, how are you dealing with it?

 

·         Mindfulness?

·         Mediation?

·         Community involvement?

·         Finding a well-known friend to help scratch that itch?

·         Routes to self-discovery and a way to help define your Needs and Wants more clearly.

 

Do you feel incomplete by your kinks and desires being denied during a Dom/Sub Frenzy?  Do you feel less recognised as your whole self?

 

Often, we in the community are taken by the vanilla world as just our vanilla selves. It can be hard to lack the recognition of our full and authentic selves that we can find in the BDSM community. Often one of the things that fuels frenzy in more experienced people is that their whole selves are not being validated in the same way.

 

Do you feel Dom/mes & Subs go through a similar frenzy in some ways, and how do you think that the different roles experience of Frenzy differs?

 

The submissive Frenzy tends to be focused on the needs of the submissive and her desires not being met whereas Dominant frenzy is known to occur when Dominants get new toys and want to see how well they work.

 

Both roles though have the same reaction when first on the scene and tend to want to try everything at once. A bit like a child in a sweet shop.

 

 

 

As a Dom do you feel you can tell when your sub that is in a frenzy?  Equally as a sub do you feel you see when your Dom may be frenzied?

 

This is a point to consider personally.

 

As a Dom/me or sub do you feel it is too much of a burden to share? Do you feel Frenzy is something you should handle on your own?

 

If you are in a Frenzied state, you should always let your D-type or play partner know. It can cause you to overstep limits and act in ways that you would never normally. Although the last thing you may want to do is tell them. This is again down to fully open and honest communication.

 

What are things you can do to help each other go through a frenzy? 

 

●        Talk to each other – communication is particularly important for safety here.

●        Find alternative ways to keep your kink on, set tasks, do online Video Call, remote control device play.  Order the same takeaway, have a date night via video call etc. Read to your submissive or watch a movie, discuss the merits.  Immerse yourself in positive activities and pace yourselves.

●        Focus on how fast you are moving in a dynamic, examine your wants and needs together, and remind each other the BDSM community will be there in 6 months’ time so there is no rush.

 

If you are not in a Dom/me/Sub relationship and going through a frenzy alone what are things you can do to alleviate the symptoms?

 

●        Talk to kink friends

●        Find something that gives you a refocus – listen to music, read a book, find a new hobby that can occupy your mind

●        Practise Mindfulness and find ways to be more in the present in the moment.

●        Always remember if you are new, the BDSM scene is not going anywhere, take your time, the lifestyle will still be here.

●        Remember we have all been here, everyone has fought the fight you are fighting so you are not alone.

If you have gone through a Dom/me/Sub Frenzy, have you discovered anything new about yourself?

·         Maybe a new kink or two? 

·         Did you learn anything new about your motivations or others?

·         If you used mindfulness or meditation did you find it useful?

·         If you successfully handled your Frenzy did you feel more empowered because of that fact?

 

Would you do things differently if you were to go through one again?

·         Are there any other coping mechanisms that you might deploy?

·         Is there anything you would not do the next time?

 

How would you advise others going through a frenzy, especially the newer Dom/mes and subs who may not have experienced one before?  

 

Try to take time to find yourself and your place in the lifestyle. You need to be able to really know who you are and what you want in BDSM. Compiling a list of Needs and Wants is a good start.

 

If you are aware of any trauma in your life that may be triggered in BDSM play, make a note of it. I know often we do not want to reflect on trauma, but it is better than having a flash back in the middle of a play session.

 

Also note your limits and review them, as well as the things that you enjoy and would like to try.

 

 Do you put yourself or someone else at risk by taking your kink to the extreme, trying to catch up on everything you feel you have missed out on?

 

When in Frenzy people make poor decisions. This means they do not weigh all the factors that they normally would but instead just rush in. This makes them very *** to putting them selves in dangerous situations. You need to take a step back and assess the risks in each situation.

 

Frenzy does not just relate to lockdown – what happens when you have had an intense play session and you crave more?  Do you go in a frenzy to seek more?

 

•             Does the desire for more space send you into Frenzy?

•             How do you deal with the issue of chasing your space in paly? Do you deliberately take a break?

•             Even without space, does experiencing something new give you that Frenzied desire to                     experience it all now?

Regarding Dom Frenzy, it is probably something that most Dom/mes are aware of that Sub Frenzy can cause the submissive to be harmed and Dom Frenzy causes the submissive an increase risk of harm as well.

 

·         Should D-types regard Frenzy an its handling as a part of their duty of care?

·         Do any D-types here find it can be hard to define the line between really getting into a scene and becoming Frenzied?

·         Conversely, does anyone feel that they must control themselves to such an extent it can hamper their enjoyment of a scene?

[ma****]

Definitely think I’m in frenzy mode at the moment hard enough that works been challenging probably making things worse to be honest so yeah I fit the bill here just nicely 😂 is it possible to have both sub and don frenzy at the same time?

[Leisa]

3 hours ago, matt-o-chist said:

Definitely think I’m in frenzy mode at the moment hard enough that works been challenging probably making things worse to be honest so yeah I fit the bill here just nicely 😂 is it possible to have both sub and don frenzy at the same time?

Yes if you’re a switch. Hope you feel better soon. Relax and get into yourself. Self care is important to beat the frenzy blues.

[Th****]

It totally is Matt, that must suck. Try to use the mindfulness side to do a little self discovering outside of play.

Sometimes those kind of ways of dealing with frenzy make us better in our roles. As the insight we may gain can aid future communications.
Good luck mate.

[mu****]

Thank you for this!! It’s really helpful! ❤️
Also great cause when can’t attend the actual munch :) . Thank you again!