Rude Messages To Fellow Kinksters

[Deleted Member]

I completely agree with your post.  I'm relatively new here so I haven't seen much of the disrespect but it's just in real life. The golden rule applies to everyone. 

[Deleted Member]

23 hours ago, Eveningside said:

I completely agree with your post.  I'm relatively new here so I haven't seen much of the disrespect but it's just in real life. The golden rule applies to everyone. 

Welcome and if you need anyone to chat with your always welcome to drop me a message 🤗 and very true ! Kindness costs nothing but can mean so much

[Vandalslut]

@Donnykinkster  Not good is it? Ffs, this happens all the time. I was chatting to a new member a couple of days ago and she sent me some screenshots along a similar vein. Rejection was met with spite so I reported him expecting a lifetime ban yet he's still active. That is the problem for me, stricter rules are needed and needed soon, that are en***d with zero tolerance or as you say those who understand what "nice" is will be driven away….It surprised me that he's still around as the messages which I still have were pretty vile, as another member has said in time it will drive the decent folk away which is sad. I'm starting to think the management as it were need to lock horns and make some changes. It's becoming a plague and its needs action..

@Paul_aka_Helen  Perhaps that should be a suggested topic for a quarantine munch.

That would certainly get some attention and highlight how much it is starting to upset people.

@Donnykinkster I was thinking the same thing. It's a subject that really needs sorting as it's infecting the place. There are many it would seem not happy at all

@AnimeBlonde  It is truly shocking to see in black and white just how far the level of rudeness and lack of respect is going, don't get me wrong it is not everyone and the are so many amazing people on here and in the world but it seems to be the few idiots that just ruin it for everyone. It would be interesting to see new measures put in place by the mod team to help with unkind / rude messages, perhaps a way to report and they get a warning and explain that respectful messages are a must?

@Curvykate The risk, if nothing changes, is that this site will become as rude and hostile as the other one is. Where I don’t post any longer or even comment because I know what it will mean.

Sorry for all the quotes, folks, but we've been out for a week or three - a couple of different reasons but the main one is all of the above.  We were targeted a couple of weeks ago, for no reason whatsoever, by a member we've had zero interaction with,  and who stated very clearly in a public forum that he 'knew' we reported him and not only that, he 'knew' what we had said and could  'quote' from this fictional report. He also had his bestie back the fabrications up. We hadn't reported him, as he'd done/said nothing report-worthy. Maybe someone else reported him, but it certainly wasn't us. But no, he was adamant it was us! So much knowledge! Evidently, this member has psychic abilities and perhaps should be on television making scads of *** - but his crystal ball was definitely on the fritz on this occasion. We believed that a moderator would surely see the hazards of allowing  a clear allegation of 'knowledge', which would have been confidential, to stand - new or prospective members could have read this rant and then say unto themselves, "Oh, crap. If I report someone, they'll know about it! And then they'll rant at ME! No protection here, then!" and immediately depart for a properly policed social site. It was also clearly an attempt at intimidation, which is not allowed by the rules of fetish.com.  However, when no moderator came forward to say, "Hey, NO-ONE knows who reported who, much less what's in those reports!" or maybe close the thread down but no-one did; so we asked a moderator to please refute the statement that anyone can access confidential reports but we were told in no uncertain terms that it was clearly a 'personality clash' and there was no reason for any action. We tried the help desk - twice - got no answer, but we did get a little query/survey email: 'Hey, how did we do?' Well - badly, actually. So as far as we know, that dishonest, deceitful claim of 'knowing' who reports and what's in those reports, invented quotes and all - is still up there. For all current, new and prospective members to see, absorb and draw their own conclusions as to how safe their personal information ISN'T.  It was certainly still up there 6 weeks after it was made. Quite long enough to do a heap of damage to this site, both reputation-wise and ly. 

Personality clash?  We'd had no interaction whatever with this member, apart from occasionally upvoting his posts. No, we just wanted to see this site succeed and for members to feel comfortable and safe here - but when a very obvious attempt at intimidation gets brushed off by the moderators and the help desk - and that's before the observations and experiences on this thread are taken into account - it's headed for oblivion.

We've noticed a few familiar faces disappear from this site over the past 12 months; regular contributors are now far less regular or totally absent; and members come up as 'deleted' after two hours' membership. We've tried posting on the 'Let's Improve Fetish TOGETHER' thread - which was started two years ago, incidentally - but the posts were removed very rapidly. No swearing or bad language, no names were named - but they were removed just the same.  It seems that when there is an obvious problem, the policy is to ignore it, delete it or remove it in the hope it'll go away without anyone doing anything - and that could be the reason why there is so much rudeness and unpleasantness now - no action is taken when actions needs to be taken. We used to say hi to people on the 'New here?' forum - we don't do that anymore. It's a bit hard to sincerely welcome people  here now.

I hope the munch on this problem goes forth, as it is one that urgently needs to be addressed - @Bounty, @lil-monster and our very excellent @PixieDust will be very fabulous and able hosts/support. I'll even try and drag myself out of bed for the bird-fart hour that it will be on here in Oz. And I hope plenty more members also con in an effort to have rules applied and en***d consistently and for this site to become a safe place to find help, assurance and knowledge, all very vital needs in the world of kink.  People want to feel safe, they'd like to feel that they have been heard and accepted and they need good commonsense knowledge from the more experienced kinksters here who are very kind and generous with their time and effort for the benefit of those new to the Life.

It seems that Fetish.com is losing its safe, sane and consensual 'star rating'.

Oh, and we're taking a screen shot of this post, 'cause the Vandal's got a fiver that sez it'll be removed. I hope not, I owe him $20.00 on similar bets now.

Thanks, good friends, for listening.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

July 15, AnimeBlonde said:

Gotta love idiots sometimes 😂

Does make you wonder why we bother with a profile when some just blatantly ignore it....

Makes me want to put some weird and funny things in mine just to test if people read it 🤔 (I know what I'll be doing for the next couple hours now 😆)

I know a guy on another site who asked people to put a particular subject if they message first time. It was a bit further down in his profile. If people didn’t use that subject and he didn’t know them, he didn’t respond. Fair enough!

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

I know a guy on another site who asked people to put a particular subject if they message first time. It was a bit further down in his profile. If people didn’t use that subject and he didn’t know them, he didn’t respond. Fair enough!

I have heard of this and used to use it on a profile I had on another account where I was purely looking for play partners, I wouldn't want to do it on here per say as I am looking for a nice chat and to make friends so them reading my profile isn't 100% necessary I suppose as long as they're polite 😂

[Deleted Member]

Is the a reason why we cannot respond to Vandalslut's comment ?

[FETMOD-KF]

13 minutes ago, AnimeBlonde said:

Is the a reason why we cannot respond to Vandalslut's comment ?

there's no reason why this shouldn't be possible

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, FETMOD-KF said:

there's no reason why this shouldn't be possible

I've tried to respond a couple times and it's not working but is letting me respond to others ?

[Si****]

3 hours ago, Curvykate said:

I know a guy on another site who asked people to put a particular subject if they message first time. It was a bit further down in his profile. If people didn’t use that subject and he didn’t know them, he didn’t respond. Fair enough!

I've done the same with a code word in mine. Its really worked to thin out the bots and scammers.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, AnimeBlonde said:

Is the a reason why we cannot respond to Vandalslut's comment ?

I did reply. My reply has been deleted.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Curvykate said:

I did reply. My reply has been deleted.

Tried twice and looks like both were not sure what's going on there 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

I've done the same with a code word in mine. Its really worked to thin out the bots and scammers.

Good idea SirGreen! 👍🏻

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

I've done the same with a code word in mine. Its really worked to thin out the bots and scammers.

They can work but like I said if someone just wants a friendly chat sometimes they don't read a profile, if I was looking for a partner I would want them to read my profile. For a friendly chat I'm not going to make someone 😆

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, AnimeBlonde said:

I have heard of this and used to use it on a profile I had on another account where I was purely looking for play partners, I wouldn't want to do it on here per say as I am looking for a nice chat and to make friends so them reading my profile isn't 100% necessary I suppose as long as they're polite 😂

I’ve updated my profile so it’s purely about friendship/chat (I have found what I was looking for elsewhere) and my message count has gone way down. 👍🏻

[Deleted Member]

On 7/25/2020 at 12:59 PM, Curvykate said:

(I have found what I was looking for elsewhere) 

😊💓

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I’ve updated my profile so it’s purely about friendship/chat (I have found what I was looking for elsewhere) and my message count has gone way down. 👍🏻

Congrats! 🤗

I did update mine and the amount of messages I had did go down but when I add photos or post on forum I get a bunch of idiots message me 😆 ah well first world problems to have hey

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

😊💓

Aw thanks Donny 🤗

[Deleted Member]

16 minutes ago, AnimeBlonde said:

Congrats! 🤗

I did update mine and the amount of messages I had did go down but when I add photos or post on forum I get a bunch of idiots message me 😆 ah well first world problems to have hey

🙌🏻🙌🏻 😀
I rarely put photos up now but i feel better about being more visible these days. I guess it’s just being in the right place to deal with things.

[Deleted Member]

On 7/25/2020 at 1:38 PM, Curvykate said:

Aw thanks Donny 🤗

I'm happy when those around me are happy 

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

I'm happy when those around me are happy 

I am SO happy 🤗

[Deleted Member]

On 7/25/2020 at 1:54 PM, Curvykate said:

I am SO happy 🤗

And now so am I, got a bit of "Cheshire cat" going on for you 😁😁

[Phoenyx]

7 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

We've noticed a few familiar faces disappear from this site over the past 12 months; regular contributors are now far less regular or totally absent; and members come up as 'deleted' after two hours' membership.

I have also noticed a sudden lack of "fun" topics.  Every discussion now, has become deadly serious.  The positive energy that was once on this site, is ebbing rapidly.  Aren't we all here to have fun?  Why has this place become so somber?

A lot of blame has been placed on one particular individual, and his cohort.  But, has that one person truly spread the "Covid-19" of bad energy?  Or, are there other ***s at work?  Is it the isolation caused by the real Covid-19?  Has the lack of physical interaction, the lack of true Power Exchange, allowed the positive energy to drain from the loop?

[ey****]

1 hour ago, phoenyx said:

I have also noticed a sudden lack of "fun" topics.  Every discussion now, has become deadly serious.  The positive energy that was once on this site, is ebbing rapidly.  Aren't we all here to have fun?  Why has this place become so somber?

I'm gonna be honest that I've been struggling a bit recently.  I've found a lot of threads have descended into circular arguments or be derailed (or attempted to be derailed) by assorted whinging - and it's draining.

I don't blame one person or another.  I'm also aware I have added to some of these circular spirals.  And I'm also glad I've seen a couple of people make the peace and such.  But, yeah, I feeeeel - it'd be good to start to try to get more positive topics moving and maybe try to (collectively) avoid some of the biting.  

[Vandalslut]

10 hours ago, phoenyx said:

A lot of blame has been placed on one particular individual, and his cohort.  But, has that one person truly spread the "Covid-19" of bad energy?  Or, are there other ***s at work?  Is it the isolation caused by the real Covid-19?  Has the lack of physical interaction, the lack of true Power Exchange, allowed the positive energy to drain from the loop?

 

14 hours ago, Curvykate said:

I did reply. My reply has been deleted.

Far out, looks like the Vandal owes me a fiver.  Unfortunately we didn't make any provision in the odds of members unable to reply or replies getting deleted due to tech-bugs (?) but thanks, all - send us a PM if you like.

As to negative energy...this is something the Coven has studied over the years, whether it be common and garden Vampirism or electronic transfer/exchange of energy. And before anyone gets the giggles, electricity is a form of energy and capable of carrying good and bad energies. We've all felt good when we see an email from a friend or family member, sharing a great joke or just asking how we are. But if that email's from a chronic whinger, it's instant-groan time. In an effort to keep our spirits up during Covid isolation, the Coven members fell into the habit of posting a Thought for the Day and a Song for the Day. We have discussions by email as commitments and time allow and we're learning plenty about music genres we might not have tried out before. There's been no negativity, no malfunctioning egos, no vampirisim. We'd agree with our main man Phoenyx - sometimes we can work out anger or frustration by physically confronting someone, or engaging in physical activity - that last still possible even in the days of Covid. But there are those who don't want to try these solutions, and  it only takes one or two of them to wreak a lot of destruction and cause an energy drain in cyber-space.  Via our observations and personal experiences, the Coven concluded that the most destructive for of negativity is LYING, whether it's a great big dirty black lie, or a little polite white social one, it will always cause destruction. Politician or pauper, king or kinkster, no exceptions. Wherever it starts, the damage just spreads outward and keeps spreading. 

Energy never goes away. It'll become something else - but it never goes away. Statistically speaking, it will find its way back to its origin.  So why start a snowball of bad energy for five minutes of petty misplaced revenge, or an hour of smug self-satisfaction? You feel good for a millisecond in the grand scheme of things, and you have thousands of hours in which to contemplate the consequences of that lie.

Your best friend asks you what you think of her new dress. You seriously loathe it. You don't want to tell her that because that'd hurt her - But you can say you like the colour, or the style is fabulous, if these things are true. Don't want to go to an engagement party? Send an 'inability to attend' card. You don't have to 'invent' a reason. 

 

10 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm gonna be honest that I've been struggling a bit recently.  I've found a lot of threads have descended into circular arguments or be derailed (or attempted to be derailed) by assorted whinging - and it's draining.

I don't blame one person or another.  I'm also aware I have added to some of these circular spirals.  And I'm also glad I've seen a couple of people make the peace and such.  But, yeah, I feeeeel - it'd be good to start to try to get more positive topics moving and maybe try to (collectively) avoid some of the biting.  

Nice to see you around again, Blacksheep, the Vandal likes reading your posts and he noticed you being less conspicuous. We can all do our part here, and those with the authority to deal with the disruptions that occur wherever humans gather also need to do their part and issue warnings, deal with rule infringements and get things back on track instead of doing nothing and hope it will just all go away. It won't.

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm gonna be honest that I've been struggling a bit recently.  I've found a lot of threads have descended into circular arguments or be derailed (or attempted to be derailed) by assorted whinging - and it's draining.

I don't blame one person or another.  I'm also aware I have added to some of these circular spirals.  And I'm also glad I've seen a couple of people make the peace and such.  But, yeah, I feeeeel - it'd be good to start to try to get more positive topics moving and maybe try to (collectively) avoid some of the biting.  

I’ve started a positive topic. Would love to hear from you and @phoenyx on there 👋🏻