HELP I THINK I'VE BEEN CONNED

[Wo****]

37 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

giving information away that you're emotionally ***, inexperienced & like to be dominated is like honey to a bee. Unlikely to attract women

I disagree with this....

I'm actually talking to someone now who considers me his soft Mommy Dom. We got chatting because he was all of those things (***, inexperienced and liked to be/wants to be dominated) on his profile, which I rated, which led to chatting. 

An honest, *** profile does, and will, attract women. Unfortunately it also attracts predators.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

  

5 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I'm actually talking to someone now who considers me his soft Mommy Dom. We got chatting because he was all of those things (***, inexperienced and liked to be/wants to be dominated) on his profile, which I rated, which led to chatting. 

You're not "all women".

[Wo****]

13 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

  

You're not "all women".

But I am "a" woman.

You said "unlikely to attract women" 

It attracted me.

 

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Bounty said:

But I am "a" woman.

You said "unlikely to attract women" 

It attracted me.

If you have a sales pitch for a product that attracts 1 client for every 100 of them, it's either a product or pitch that's unsuccessful at attracting client. Pedantry about "it attracted 1 client" doesn't mean anything if your firm's going bust.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

Men are less likely to target women for these things. That's because women just aren't as desperate for attention, validation, sex, etc. from the other sex. That makes a fake female profile particularly lucrative, especially one that targets emotionally *** men.

Actually, sorry to dispel your idea.  But, 63% of people likely to be victim to a dating scam are women.

I know this might sound difficult to believe - but, it's true.  My next door neighbour was being scammed and she just couldn't believe any rational or reason I gave to her.  She was caught up in being flattered that being late 30s, with a young daughter that somebody knowing this would still be interested and make her feel wanted/valued/sexy/listened to/etc.

The approach when women are targeted is different to men and often seeking higher values over all.  But, they take a lot longer to play out.

The scams that generally target men are usually for relatively low amounts but in a shorter period of time.

[ey****]

7 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

If someone ask for *** and doesn’t have the currency sign on their profile just report them as they suppose to pay a special fees to the site. Best reassurance they are genuine if they have that sign on their profile 

From what I understand

they don't pay to have the symbol.  It's put there to both showcase who has declared they are here in a professional capacity as this also complies with the US SESTA/FOSTA laws - if you are from the US you cannot be here in a professional capacty whilst US based users cannot see Rest-of-the-World profiles that have the € sign.  

I did have a scammer in my inbox who had a € sign.  So, I would also check for this along with any fake check. 

[ey****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

Even if they have a euro sign, no-one should be paying them without an exchange of some kind of service

A lot depends on what is considered a service - but also - what is considered a gift - and also what is an icebreaker

If you go up to a lady in a bar and offer to her a drink - you're effectively paying for a chat... ...and she can certainly accept the drink without giving you a chat because there was no discussion on expectations.

If the Euro sign is there - you can take it to know that *** will be on the cards - so if someone has this symbol and goes "hey" you know the score.

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

, they could say "oh yeah, I'll agree to meet you at xyz location for a coffee, just send over a first", never show up

this is common in terms of paying a deposit.  This is on the person paying to have confidence the person is real - which is on them.

Remember of course the message history is your evidence.  

[ey****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

And I doubt many of them are actually female. Femdom is an unusual interest to women

I've met an awful lot of ladies where, my lived experience doesn't match your assumption.

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

From what I understand

they don't pay to have the symbol.  It's put there to both showcase who has declared they are here in a professional capacity as this also complies with the US SESTA/FOSTA laws - if you are from the US you cannot be here in a professional capacty whilst US based users cannot see Rest-of-the-World profiles that have the € sign.  

I did have a scammer in my inbox who had a € sign.  So, I would also check for this along with any fake check. 

They don’t pay for the symbol but for the fact they are making *** with the site. Hence the symbol that’s what I meant 

Edited July 16, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

If you go up to a lady in a bar and offer to her a drink - you're effectively paying for a chat... ...and she can certainly accept the drink without giving you a chat because there was no discussion on expectations.

I mean the scammer referred to in the OP could use that same excuse. In fact, unlike in your analogy they could actually say they offered OP a service - discussed with him for several hours and then he sent them ***. By your own analogy, we shouldn't feel like the OP was hard done or owed anything. Same deal if you a drink for a woman at a bar and she says she'll have sex with you if you do: she doesn't owe you anything, not even a conversation.

 

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If the Euro sign is there - you can take it to know that *** will be on the cards - so if someone has this symbol and goes "hey" you know the score.

That's true, there's at least honesty. But nothing to stop them from theoretically engaging e.g. in - sucker in some low self-esteem male that's easy to manipulate, insult their intelligence and humiliate them and call it a fetish, let them think some other service might be on the cards, e.g. that they may meet up in real life, and then just take their *** off them. All of that could be in the "rules".

 

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The scams that generally target men are usually for relatively low amounts but in a shorter period of time.

Eh, maybe.

 

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I've met an awful lot of ladies where, my lived experience doesn't match your assumption.

You're also involved in the film industry which the vast majority of men are not and probably most would not want to do that to meet women. And of those women - mostly involved with film or BDSM as compared to vanilla women - what proportion of them identified as dominant or even switch compared to submissive?

Edited July 16, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

12 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

I mean the scammer referred to in the OP could use that same excuse. In fact, unlike in your analogy they could actually say they offered OP a service - discussed with him for several hours and then he sent them ***.

But the message history will say otherwise.  It will clearly show what was agreed and on what terms.  In this case he can take the full message history from Instagram to the bank when filing for fraud. 

14 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

But nothing to stop them from theoretically engaging e.g. in - sucker in some low self-esteem male that's easy to manipulate, insult their intelligence and humiliate them and call it a fetish, let them think some other service might be on the cards, e.g. that they may meet up in real life, and then just take their *** off them. All of that could be in the "rules".

It's a nice straw argument but holds little water.

22 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

You're also involved in the film industry which the vast majority of men are not and probably most would not want to do that to meet women

It's not the only way I meet women.  I am extremely active on the local fetish scene if nothing else.  Getting myself out a lot allows me to meet real people.

23 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

And of those women - mostly involved with film or BDSM as compared to vanilla women - what proportion of them identified as dominant or even switch compared to submissive?

In terms of film work.  Most of the ladies I've filmed with are / identify as Dominant.    Some are open about being switch. Some I know switch but don't advertise it or do it on camera.  There is one female sub I've filmed with and she is someone I've known for over a decade - and others I've talked about doing stuff with who are exclusively submissive.

But, yeah, the majority are Dominant on and off camera.

[TemptressM]

Right,  did a little bit of digging this woman is in the USA not in the Uk at all.  Please before anyone hands any *** over do some digging and find things out. 

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But the message history will say otherwise.  It will clearly show what was agreed and on what terms.  In this case he can take the full message history from Instagram to the bank when filing for fraud. 

I mean, theoretically you could go to a bar and record a woman saying she'll have sex with you if you a drink for her first.

 

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It's a nice straw argument but holds little water.

Not really, you could deliberately use suggestive language to lead someone to the conclusion that there would be some favour in exchange for a . You're just saying it doesn't technically constitute fraud, which you're right it doesn't. The action itself most people would consider deceitful if done to themselves, however. So, psychologically there isn't much difference between your example of a woman at a bar refusing to converse with a guy after he bought her a drink versus what a could do to a guy for a , let's say the same price as a drink (so we don't go exaggerating the principle here). The difference is purely legal and actually you might be overestimating how easy it would be to hold the to account.

 

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But, yeah, the majority are Dominant on and off camera.

The majority of women you know are dominant regardless if they are involved with the sex industry?

[Mo****]

Mate you have been given some very good advice on the situation, and what I am about to say will probably echo most of what has already been said.

First up - get yourself back to a settled state, because what comes after will be much easier to understand, and to a degree - control.  I have been in some dark bad places at times, and you can't function properly if you are not settled.

Secondly - unfortunately you have lost your ***, and there will be almost NO chance of ever getting it back.  NEVER give *** until you meet them in person, and only then, if your sure that they are who they say they are and that your going to get the attention your prepared to pay for.  I have been conned in the past, luckily for only small dollars, and I think back to that same thing every time a conversation leads to someone else asking for ***.  That just sets alarm bells and causes me to end up dumping/blocking/ignoring them.

When it comes to your dealings with anyone, keep it to those that live in your same country, and preferably to those closest to you, those that are easy to meet or visit.  DON'T look outside your country or state.

Life is tough enough at the best of times, and couple that with your added problems, you need to be careful with what you do.  Take care mate.

[ey****]

8 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

I mean, theoretically you could go to a bar and record a woman saying she'll have sex with you if you a drink for her first.

You couldn't because you cannot legally record someone without their consent.

And on consent - it can be revoked at any time - it'd certainly not hold up in court.

8 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

The difference is purely legal and actually you might be overestimating how easy it would be to hold the to account.

This is something where it's important for the person to be aware what they're paying for.  So, I am going to get into straw arguments here - but, say, "if you keep paying me for online chats we might meet one day" whilst carrot and stick - the continued payments is not for the potential meet one day but for the continued online chats.  I can get how people may feel misled - but what is being paid for is the chats, not the meet.   If at some point someone says "If you pay me £100 then we will meet next week" and then doesn't meet, then that's a scam.

8 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

The majority of women you know are dominant regardless if they are involved with the sex industry?

Sorry - I'd misunderstood your Q.

In the industry - most women I know are Dominant or switch on and off camera.

In my local community - mixed bag - but there are plenty of female Dominants. 

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

You couldn't because you cannot legally record someone without their consent.

Well in UK, you certainly can. If that's a thing in US, I feel bad for you as I've no idea how you would e.g. tape and prove somebody that's continually harassing you.

 

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This is something where it's important for the person to be aware what they're paying for. 

I mean it's important to not get scammed in the first place - just don't send *** online to people you don't know.

 

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So, I am going to get into straw arguments here - but, say, "if you keep paying me for online chats we might meet one day" whilst carrot and stick - the continued payments is not for the potential meet one day but for the continued online chats.  I can get how people may feel misled - but what is being paid for is the chats, not the meet.

Key point in the bold. So ladies, if you're at a bar and a fellow offers you a drink, assuming he is not being intimidating don't accept it unless you plan to have some basic conversation with him. It may not be a legal matter but many would consider it a point of common courtesy.

 

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In my local community - mixed bag - but there are plenty of female Dominants. 

Well you must live in one kinky village.

Edited July 17, 2020 by Deleted Member
External links removed

[Wo****]

From the DMA website......

"We have all thought about it at some point, whether it’s for proof of what was said during an argument or to just record a meeting or conversation, but is recording conversations actually legal?

When it comes to discreetly recording conversations, calls or even filming someone, the law in the UK varies between individuals and businesses and it’s important to understand the distinctions before you attempt it.

Nowadays, the range of technology at our disposal means it is easy to record conversations without the other participant’s knowledge – but does that mean it’s ethical, and can it be admitted as evidence in court?

Is it illegal to record a conversation in secret?

Recording a conversation in secret is not a criminal offence and is not prohibited. As long as the recording is for personal use you don’t need to obtain consent or let the other person know.

Things change if the matter is addressed with a claim for damages or if the recordings have been shared without the consent of the participants. Even worse, if the recording is sold to third parties or released in public without the consent of the participants then this could be considered a criminal offence."

 

So no, it's not illegal but you can't use it for anything.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, Bounty said:

So no, it's not illegal but you can't use it for anything.

I'm not talking about sharing the recording with anyone. It's a hypothetical scenario where a form of verbal contract is discussed over ing a drink. Lawyers can argue either way but nobody seriously believes anyone is going to take someone to court over a drink, although some petty stuff definitely does happen with small claims I guess. In any case, I was just making a point over what would be considered good manners. If you think it's wrong to manipulate an emotionally *** man to handing over let's say a very small amount over online, why is it suddenly ok if it's scabbing a free drink off someone in a bar? Technicalities are just a pedantic distraction here.

[Wo****]

7 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

I'm not talking about sharing the recording with anyone. It's a hypothetical scenario where a form of verbal contract is discussed over ing a drink. Lawyers can argue either way but nobody seriously believes anyone is going to take someone to court over a drink, although some petty stuff definitely does happen with small claims I guess. In any case, I was just making a point over what would be considered good manners. If you think it's wrong to manipulate an emotionally *** man to handing over let's say a very small amount over online, why is it suddenly ok if it's scabbing a free drink off someone in a bar? Technicalities are just a pedantic distraction here.

I don't see you making a point about good manners. Any chance you can quote it for me?

Forgive me, but isn't it the technicalities we're discussing?

 

Scamming someone online is wrong... it's intentional.

"Scabbing a free drink" ...

Two scenarios here, indulge me...

 

Ok. You and I are in a bar.

You offer to me a drink. I accept. 

We spend the evening chatting. 

I refuse sex with you at the end of the night.

Have I "scammed" you?

 

 

You and I are in a bar.

I ask you to me a drink.

I flirt with you, seduce you.

Get you to me drinks all night.

Refuse to have sex with you at the end of the night.

Have I "scammed" you?

 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I don't see you making a point about good manners. Any chance you can quote it for me?

It's part of the conversation up the page.

 

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Forgive me, but isn't it the technicalities we're discussing?

eyemblacksheep started talking about technicalities pointing out you can't prove somebody said something in a bar. He's just trying to defend *a certain practice the filters will not allow me to type* for anything other than pure manipulation.

 

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Two scenarios here, indulge me...

Neither of those scenarios were being discussed, actually. See, you jumped into the conversation not knowing what it was about at all. I was talking about it being rude to accept a drink off a man (assuming he is polite and non-intimidating) and then refuse to converse with him. Nothing about being owed sex whatsoever.

Edited July 17, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Wo****]

3 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

It's part of the conversation up the page.

 

eyemblacksheep started talking about technicalities pointing out you can't prove somebody said something in a bar. He's just trying to defend *a certain practice the filters will not allow me to type* for anything other than pure manipulation.

 

Neither of those scenarios were being discussed, actually. See, you jumped into the conversation not knowing what it was about at all. I was talking about it being rude to accept a drink off a man (assuming he is polite and non-intimidating) and then refuse to converse with him. Nothing about being owed sex whatsoever.

And you're a patronising sod 😊

"See, you just jumped into a conversation"...

And?

 

You've put me right.

Yes, I misunderstood.

 

Ok..

You offer to me a drink.

I accept. Ignore you...

Rude.

 

But.....

I'm there because my dad has just died, my relationship of several years has ended and my tenancy on my flat runs out next month.

I don't wanna talk to anyone.

But I'd really appreciate a drink. So I accept. Ignore you. 

Rude?

 

 

 

(And just to be clear... I'm interested in your opinions and how you think. I wanna understand why you feel like you do so I'm not "fighting" you here. I'm curious)

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Bounty said:

And you're a patronising sod 😊

"See, you just jumped into a conversation"...

And?

Well generally if you're going to join in a conversation you're supposed to get a feel of what they're talking about first. If you assume something somebody believes is opposite to what they actually believe, that's not giving them a lot of credit for their actual opinions especially considering you want to be part of this conversation and not patronising to say that, I don't think.

Quote

 

But.....

I'm there because my dad has just died, my relationship of several years has ended and my tenancy on my flat runs out next month.

I don't wanna talk to anyone.

But I'd really appreciate a drink. So I accept. Ignore you. 

Rude?

 

I mean, that guy's dog could have died and he's just getting over a hard break up and would really love some female companionship around about now. If we all took out our day to day issues out on each other, as a society our individual hardships would be worse every time they happened. Some problems in certain situations have got to be internalised. Besides going to a pub to get bladdered when you feel shit is a terrible idea, though I can't say I know much about losing a loved one, hasn't happened yet.

[Wo****]

2 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

Well generally if you're going to join in a conversation you're supposed to get a feel of what they're talking about first. If you assume something somebody believes is opposite to what they actually believe, that's not giving them a lot of credit for their actual opinions especially considering you want to be part of this conversation and not patronising to say that, I don't think.

I mean, that guy's dog could have died and he's just getting over a hard break up and would really love some female companionship around about now. If we all took out our day to day issues out on each other, as a society our individual hardships would be worse every time they happened. Some problems in certain situations have got to be internalised. Besides going to a pub to get bladdered when you feel shit is a terrible idea, though I can't say I know much about losing a loved one, hasn't happened yet.

I've read enough of thread to know that this is a straw man argument.

 

I never said anything about getting "bladdered" either (fyi, I don't drink, much, now)

It was a (fictional) example.

A what if?

 

 

[ey****]

3 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

I mean it's important to not get scammed in the first place - just don't send *** online to people you don't know.

 

that is the crux of the matter.   But yet people do without basic checks the person is who they say they are.   So I think it's important to help folk understand how to have more confidence.

 

3 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

Well you must live in one kinky village.

I live in the North-East - we have a mixed bag on a local scene but there's a choice of munches and a couple of events in reasonable travel distance.

If you're in the Midlands then you're close to even more in terms of events etc - in fact I was planning on attending a Femdom event in Birmingham in April just gone (long grassed due to covid) and I know there've been other Femdom events in the area.

[MaleswitchTiger]

a truly dominate women will never demand *** or fee just there submission he/ she will only feel blessed when it is gifted to her and any gift worth having is worth waiting for at the end of the day

Would U Send Company think about would u send *** to a Stranger u never Meet before  Submission is freely not as Someone *** Bank i run my free bdsm Learning groups to help newbies with topics and Info to keep them safe