Body shaming is seemingly never-ending

[Deleted Member]

If you have a body....and let’s face it, if you didn’t then that’s another kink all together. At some point you've probably felt that it's been subject to scrutiny or commentary, especially given that we live in a society with narrow beauty ideals and an insidious idea of perfection. Plenty of body shaming is overt, even when it comes from a seemingly well-meaningful place. Yes, body shaming is often veiled as a compliment, especially since we live in a society that values weight loss and toning as something everyone should be striving for. Telling someone you can help them ‘manage their weight’ or ‘tone up’ isn’t fucking tolerable unless you’ve been asked to help with those things!! Sure there are some dynamics that will include diet and exercise which is acceptable as it’s agreed upon but until this point don’t, JUST DON’T. 

 

The truth is that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and all bodies are valuable no matter what they look like. That doesn't mean many of us aren't subject to subtle or inadvertent shaming even by those closest to us … or that we aren't accidentally shaming others without realising it, too. Take a moment to think about your own actions and wether or not this is something you could be guilty of without even realising it. Did you give that fat chick 1 star cause she wasn’t your type or that chubby guy 1 star because you prefer muscles? All our actions have consequences. No one is saying that you must find everyone attractive or that you have to pretend to if you don’t but simply scroll on by and mind your own fucking business. 

 

In a society that values thinness, fat shaming exists in a dizzying amount of ways, because thanks to print and media advertising, as well as social media, we are constantly sent messages that being fat is the worst thing a person can be. But is it? Is it really??? I personally think being rude, discourteous, insolent or nasty are much worse traits. Which can be found in abundance on this site and others alike. 

 

Phases to consider; 

(All I’ve had said to me personally on FETISH) 

 

“You’re so brave posting in skimpy lingerie”- 

Am I? Well they make them in my size so why not and bhoy.... you seen this booty??

 

“You’re not fat, you’re beautiful”-

I’m sorry... did I say I was ugly? No I said plus size... chubby doesn’t mean not beautiful!

 

“You have such a pretty face for your size”-

Wow, thanks. I wasn’t aware weight influenced the level of prettiness I held. 

 

Any kind of unsolicited diet or exercise advice!

I’ve had dominants (small d) message me and within moments offered to manage my calorie intake or exercise regime in order to better me... cheers Casanova but I’m a nurse and a damn good one so I know how to eat and exercise but I enjoy cake so off you fuck! 

 

Body shaming is one of those cruel and unnecessary things therefore we could really do without it in the community. It’s a form of bullying, where people humiliate others by making critical comments about the way they look. However body shaming isn’t just humiliating, it can seriously affect peoples self-esteem and has even been known to lead to depression and eating disorders. No one deserves to be body shamed. So if you’ve been made to feel crappy about your body by other people’s comments just remember you’re beautiful and perfect for someone, just not them so does it matter what they think? 

 

Points to consider;

 

It doesn’t have to be your responsibility to educate people. If you don’t have the energy or if you’re not in the right space to respond in a way which really protects yourself, don’t feel you have to respond. If body shaming occurs online, just block those ‘kinksters’

If you do have time and the inclination to challenge body shaming, you can try saying something along the lines of “I try not to talk negatively about bodies,” or, “I find it really triggering when people say negative things about bodies,” or, “what a weird world we live in where people feel they can judge each other’s bodies,” or finally, “FUCK OFF.”

 

P.S- I think that’s my rant over but I can’t make any promises depending on the replies if there are any 😂

 

P.P.S- Sorry for the swearing... I usually don’t on forum posts but I’m a little bit mad.

 

P.P.P.S- There’s a picture I’ve uploaded  to my profile to create a visual for this post, I’m not sure if it’ll be authorised or if it is how long it’ll last but it’s all natural. There’s no posing, no filters and there’s rolls!!! Any fat shaming idiots that might be offended, look away!

 

💗

Edited July 27, 2020 by Deleted Member
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[phoenixinflames]

I've had this bullshit too, and it is exactly that.... Bullshit. If you don't like my body, quite honestly I don't give a fuck. There is an amazing body positive poem by Glory B at the texas poetry slam that sums all of this up perfectly. Have a look, if nothing else you'll laugh at her kick ass sass! I often wonder though whether the need to comment on someone else's body is just insecurity of their own projected out?

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Newtobeingasub said:

I've had this bullshit too, and it is exactly that.... Bullshit. If you don't like my body, quite honestly I don't give a fuck. There is an amazing body positive poem by Glory B at the texas poetry slam that sums all of this up perfectly. Have a look, if nothing else you'll laugh at her kick ass sass! I often wonder though whether the need to comment on someone else's body is just insecurity of their own projected out?

Screw them or eat them.... depends how long they stay still 😂

[Ki****]

At the age of fif*** my boyfriend told me I “shouldn’t let myself go just because I had him now” after I ate a second chocolate bar. At the age of six*** a boy threw a dressing gown at me after sex and told me to cover up because he didn’t want to see me naked and then cheated on me with another girl because “she was thinner” (I was a size 6 btw) I spiralled into a decade of self loathing and eating disorders. I recovered for a while but then married a man who was emotional abusive and addicted to porn. When he told me that he didn’t think I looked good physically and that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore last year it pretty much broke me (especially when I found out he was cheating). I don’t think any man (or woman) will ever truly appreciate the power of their words to wound, or even destroy, someone. And the damage will last forever. I honestly don’t know if I will ever be able to be with someone again and not feel ashamed of my body...

[ol****]

I always try to remember that I'm not adonis. I find it helps.

[sissy_petra_uk_slut]

I get so annoyed with labels, and expectations. Who has any right to dictate how a person should look. Its another form of bullying. Isnt it the media, who have brainwashed people in thinking size is important, look at how many girls end up with a mental health illness, or eating disorder because of other peoples perceptions. I will guarantee to anyone , and this has been proven, dont look at a persons picture, and start talking to the person. See that person for real, it's in their heart and mind that matters. Get to know them, then after a time see them. You will see the person their soul, not an image. Great post.

[Deleted Member]

I love you so much for this. Thank you!

[Nylon-Nellie]

@Newtobeingasub She certainly made me laugh and it hit home with my childhood

@pappaman You have hit the nail on the head with your post. The media (whether it be magazines, instagram, youtube) certainly does have an effect on what women should look like. People judge others by a simple photo, instead of looking beyond the photo.

@little_dark_princess Thank you for posting, a relatable post that had me in tears  

 

[Deleted Member]

I love you ❤️

[Ta****]

I try never to criticise anybody else's looks.  I was always made fun of at school: the ugliest plainest girl in the school, that was me.  And skinny as fuck as well.  Even the boys used to make fun.

But I would like to think something positive came of the negativity.  And I hope I grew up a more tolerant individual as a result of my experiences.

If course I am not perfect:  I am not a saint and I am sure I have on occasion hurt people without realising it.  But I do try to be as mindful as I can about what I say to others regarding looks.  And I try to compliment wherever possible without trying to sound patronising.  Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and I would hate to live in a world of mindless clones.

Also, when I grade someone's picture, I always try to give them the highest rating possible.  If they have been brave enough to upload pictures of themselves on to a public forum, they deserve five stars in my opinion.

And besides, if you cant grade a picture highly, then it's best not to grade it at all .  Just move on and dont bother with that picture.

[Deleted Member]

Beautiful post. I've seen body shaming directed at ALL body types, btw. It sucks, because at the end of the day it's just another way for humans to create arbitrary divisions among ourselves.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Kinky_kat said:

I honestly don’t know if I will ever be able to be with someone again and not feel ashamed of my body...

Remember you’re beautiful and need no ones validation, sweetheart. Stick on some decent lingerie and eat ice cream then masturbate! 💗

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, pappaman said:

You will see the person their soul, not an image.

So simple yet powerful 💗

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, sweet-pea71 said:

Thank you for posting, a relatable post that had me in tears  

No one is worth your tears sweet-pea! If they can’t see you for you regardless of image then move on.... I’ve stopped even arguing now, I simply thank them for their advice and block! 💗

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, BroodyJudy said:

I've seen body shaming directed at ALL body types, btw.

Oh, of course I know it happens to all shapes and sizes... ie; ‘eat a burger...’ blah blah blah. I didn’t mean to suggest it didn’t but I was merely taking from my own perspective 💗

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, little_dark_princess said:

Oh, of course I know it happens to all shapes and sizes... ie; ‘eat a burger...’ blah blah blah. I didn’t mean to suggest it didn’t but I was merely taking from my own perspective 💗

Gotcha and that's a wise way to be. ;] That bit was more to the benefit of the reading audience I s'pose. It's kind of an interesting issue the more I think about it because the things you've experienced in the relationship/BDSM facet go along the lines of someone wanting to change you to suit their taste, without you expressing a desire to do that. That part goes beyond the divisiveness/shaming I was thinking of and straight into the "y'all need therapy" territory, IMO. I'm in my late 40s and have put a lot of mileage on my life and I like myself a LOT so for me it's natural at this point to not even attract people that want to play that shit. Nor do I care to wrassle with how someone IS when I could put my energy into the next person. In my 20s, it was a different story. I had heard the concept of "have a relationship with someone you wouldn't change anything about" and I could NOT wrap my mind around that. I had a lot of growing to do. So to all y'all reading that want to go around changing folks to suit yourself, ask yourself if that lightbulb wants to change.

Thanks again LDP, quite an interesting topic.

[ElleFire]

What I really hate is that I'm the one shaming myself...

[DD****]

Every woman is beautiful, my original reason for starting portrait photography which then because of my fetishes evolved into erotic photography was too to show people that curves are sexy, Unfortunately thanks to to vanilla brainwashing and the good old Barbie doll image that figure is seen as a benchmark for what a woman should look like, I prefer to to point people towards the old masters ***tings like Renoir, they show that real women have curves and you can't argue with art...

[Ta****]

7 minutes ago, SirSubBinder said:

, I prefer to to point people towards the old masters ***tings like Renoir, they show that real women have curves and you can't argue with art...

Peter Paul Rubens had an appreciation for very curvy women as well.  In their day obviously what was seen as 'beauty' had a different set of standards.!

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, ElleFire said:

What I really hate is that I'm the one shaming myself...

I did it for years and still do on bad days but guess what... we’re human and entitled to feel bad about ourselves on occasion. That doesn’t give anyone else the right to join in 💗

[Charms]

This post realy hit home. I was with my x for 15 years and when we split up woukd tell me im fat and ugly  ect so i belived it. Since then iv dated a few guys who think im stunning at a size 16 to 18. Were as i find out from my x after he begged me to take him back hes dateing a size 30 women. I rofl after him saying no 1 will ever want me because  im fat. Well i will just say he begged me  to take him back because  im the most  stunning the most beautiful thing on the earth. After putting up with him telling me before we split up for a few years im dat and ugly hes the 1 comeing back. Im not fat shameing his gf. I just pointed out that at a size 16 to 18 he said i was fat and undatable and is now dateing a size 30. Im just under half her size

 

I realy belived him to the point i know hate my body and think people are lyeing when they say im stunning ect because for 5 years i was told im ugly. I hide my body away with baggy clothes. If a guy tells me im beautiful in a bar or when im out first yhing i ask is how drunk they are.

 

I posted some photos of me wearing a sexy red dress thing i won in an ann summers raffle. I was expecting to be told how ugly i am and i should take them down. But no its the oposite im told i look stunning ect. But i still dont belive it.

 

Its true what they say that people become self conscious about there looks because of what they are told or see in the news or on tv or magazine's.

 

Yes i know i should loes weight but im big chested so im told have a thyriod problem  were i put weight on and been on meds for 6 years and will be on them for ever so my dr thinks. Plus i suffer from pcos.

 

Sorry for the long rant.

 

 

[Su****]

Very well said! Although the biggest culprit for shaming my body these days is definitely myself, there are comments from my youth that will stay with me forever.

[Su****]

Very well said! Although the biggest culprit for shaming my body these days is definitely myself, there are comments from my youth that will stay with me forever.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, SubDancer44 said:

shaming my body these days is definitely myself

I did it for years and still do on bad days but guess what... we’re human and entitled to feel bad about ourselves on occasion. That doesn’t give anyone else the right to join in 💗

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, little_dark_princess said:

That doesn’t give anyone else the right to join in 💗

We all are our biggest critics and what we see of ourselves trumps anything any one says, every time. Men are the same, the only difference our unwillingness to be honest about it, as always trying to hide the truth of what we feel.

 

One thing really does and always has humbled me, that being courage and I see much of that on this thread 😊