Never Underestimate the Passive Connections

[ey****]

One thing I've started saying a lot has been about social connections and passive connections and both their importance and not to underestimate them.

Whilst exceptions always apply - I think the concept of "Hey, I'm new to this site - you look cool, wanna hook up" is deader than dead.

If it was ever alive.

It's certainly a difficult way to get or establish a connection especially as this is something that doesn't have a level playing field.

I hate to reduce to heteronormative, but

if you're are (or present) female that you may receive a disproportionate amount of messages from men - that simply replying them all is a chore.

And that if you're a man then you might rarely find women contact you going "Hey, you seem cool" - or if you do it's usually a scam : or : a risk you mistake their friendliness for a come on and blow this quickly.

Things like forums, notes/writings, blogs, chat rooms, Twitter, so on are usually a bit of an open place for you to express yourself.

But also for others to express theirselves.

You can both "get to know" people, and, they get to know you, via your contributions there.
This, in turn, can drive them to view your profile (and you theirs).

If nothing else.  If there's been mutual interactions then that day one of you *does* hit the PM button there's two advantages.

1) you're not strangers. you've already been interacting online
2) you potentially already have something to talk about

It also means that you're going in with more than their picture and profile.

Because for example, it might be someone you find attractive, but that a lot of their comments and behaviour is... well... not compatible with you.

So it avoids wasting your time also.

If you think about it - a lot of this isn't too different to how we make friends in real life.

Like, if you like rock music you might go to a rock bar and you start to talk with people you see their regularly, some of which you go on to become friends with.  So on.

"But, I don't want friends, I want a sub/Dominant/partner/whatever"

I mean. OK.  But, let's just say you send someone an icebreaker message and they think you're worth replying to (which could because of effort you've put into your profile or the planets lining up in your favour)

This still involves effort on your part and it could become very obvious quickly that the two of you are not compitable.

So, then what?

Perhaps they don't want to be your sub/Dominant/partner but think you're cool enough to be their friend. Do you just bin them off cos that's all they offered?  Wasting both your time in the process?

I also think someone who is a friend one day can turn into something else another.
Whether this is through one or both of yours own growth, tastes, so on.

I'm not saying this way is "right" - exceptions always apply.

But this is certainly an approach that is valuable.

[ol****]

I tend to agree, this place is not TinderFet so the process you outline can lead to more connections in time.

I guess that's the point so you could also see it as a sorting mechanism. Who's been here a while, how much do they contribut. Not sure how that fits with rating pictures but I guess if folks put them up in the contests then they want them rated.

[ey****]

I understand the pic rating on the main site is going the distance eventually - but - certainly things like the contests; people add them knowing they'll get a star rating.  It only shows you the people who gave you a 3+ though.  Which is nice in it's kinda way.

[Jinxy]

Yes, to all of this. I’ve often said the same... people approach dating nowadays like some sort of speed dating checklist. If someone doesn’t hit the mark on one single item then people are off to the next. Interestingly, people seem to assume this saves everyone time and disappointment. But, I find it quite the opposite. I mean look at the behaviors that sprout up due to that mentality... spamming inboxes hoping one sticks, headaches with replying to those types of messages, increase in scammers who can use this to their advantage, etc. All of which takes time and effort that generally people don’t see as worth it. And repeatedly, on both sides, there’s expressions of disappointment and frustration. Just changing expectations from actively seeking someone out to having lovely conversations with people for not necessarily any driven purpose can improve the experience immensely. 

[Deleted Member]

I have some wonderful male friends (some I’ve played with, some not) because we both followed the connection. And they didn’t write “hey I wanna sub - up for it?” or make me feel like an interchangeable object in the first message.