BDSM Relationship Advice: Cheating or not?

January 15, 2018

So, I'm a 25 yr old submissive male who's been engaging in a submissive relationship with my girlfriend for around 2 years. We've been together for nearly 3 years and before I introduced her to my kinks she was completely vanilla in every way. Since introducing her though she has really grown to love it and developed her own dominant style, so the last few years have been really fun.

Recently however she seems to have taken the ball and ran with it in a direction I'm not 100% sure I'm okay with.

My kinks include: being an all round an submissive guy doing things whenever I can for her, foot worship, ***, most bdsm kinks with me in the submissive position, pegging, chastity and more recently some sissy play. We have a tumblr blog together and we love posting things for each other to see and occasionally posting our own content. One of the new things we've been posting is cuckolding and initially I've been excited by the idea in my head of having her sleep with someone else and it seems to tie in well with all my other kinks.

About 2 weeks ago I was away with work and as usual locked up in my cage while she had the keys at home. She started the usual sending me dirty pics and messages to tease me and out of the blue she said 'guess what? I've invited Tom round!' (Tom is her ex before me) And I was was caught off guard in the moment, I was turned on and teased to high heaven and so I didn't know how I really felt hearing it. Any way they proceeded to have a night together intermittently sending me pics and videos on snapchat.

Anyway the point is we never had 'the' conversation about her sleeping with other people (particularly her ex), it was always something we played around with when role-playing but I didn't think she would really want to. Let alone do it without properly consulting me first. She know's my kinks and knows that I like to be degraded and humiliated so she said that that's why she did it. And with all the posts on tumblr she thought that I'd be into it and that meant I wanted it. She also admitted that she'd been messaging him for a while and I don't know what to make of that.

Personally I think she got carried away with it and it's left me feeling cheated and humiliated in a non kinky way. Although I think it's partly my fault for not discussing this with her first as soon as we started posting this kind of content but due to not really having any friends into this kind of thing it's left me stranded for advice and other opinions on the situation.

My deal is I'm not sure how to continue from here, I feel like this is a betrayal of my trust but I also don't want to do anything within the relationship that may cause it to end.

If anyone has any thoughts on the situation I'd love to hear them before I do anything more.

January 15, 2018

My heart just dropped for you!

January 15, 2018

Personally I’m a huge fan of communication and I think it’s the key to any kind of human relationship. She shouldn’t have done that to you. Also don’t Be afraid of it ending lay down the law and don’t let her cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Tell her exactly how you feel about it. That’s the only way to solve it.

January 15, 2018

You may be a sub in the bedroom. But don’t ever confuse That with the real you! X

January 15, 2018

Ok, you can’t change what’s happened. This is totally ‘crossed wires’ you both flirted with the idea of this happening, one of you took this flirting as a ‘go ahead’ & it hadn’t ended well. You need to sit down face to face & just flipping talk & talk & talk. Be honest, you thought you’d be ok with this & you weren’t. We all face things in play that feel like a good idea but sometimes in reality it isn’t always the case. She hasn’t cheated, you kind of talked about this happening it’s just she’s taken her dom role a little too far & made decisions without you. That’s wrong but you need to tell her what she’s done doesn’t feel right or fair. That’s not knocking her in anyway it’s just simply talking about how you feel. One of the really important things in a D/S relationship is the ability & confidence to day ‘actually No that doesn’t suit me’ So take your relationship & your play back a notch & start rebuilding that communication & that trust. If you can’t rebuild those then you need to ask yourself what to do next

January 15, 2018

one of the things with exploring together, there's an inevitability of making mistakes.

there could well be signs she's picked up on that you'd be ok with this and the whole thing wouldn't have worked so well if you'd necessarily known : but : communication is definitely key.

At the moment, an immediate suggestion would be to tell her you weren't OK with it - and that you'd not like for that happen to again and you prefer kind of the talk about doing it, but not actually doing it...

But also, it's a good time to ask her how she feels about things and which direction to go in.