How to support people in the lobby/forum who are clearly ***

[Deleted Member]

Not sure if I have posted this in the right place but it has been something that has been playing on my mind for a while now.

As others, I enjoy the lobby as a way to escape everyday day life, lift my spirits if having a tough day or just go there to be sociable and talk to fellow kinkster about anything and everything. No particular topics unless someone has a question or suggests something to discuss. All is good and it's a good place to make friends ir talk to someone before moving to a pm. I know there has been a bit of bad press about bullying at times but you get that in the forum also, people have their own opinions and not everyone is going to agree with each other. No doubt this will get some unwanted posts but hey ho, it's a risk you take when you post anything online

Now, back to what I wanted to discuss without causing offence or portraying myself in a negative way.

Usually it's a great experience and an excellent way for new comers to the site/scene to talk to people especially if they are in the mind set that their kinks/fetishes are weird, usually after some top banter and discussion that person leaves feeling more at ease or more educated. This is a good thing however, there are times you get members in who are feeling lonely/low/angry/confused and seek support and reassurance. Now. This is where I will have folk either agree or flame me.

BUT and I apologise in advance if I offend anyone as that is not my intentions...

There is only so much advice/support people can give over the course of a day. Someone continuously needing support kind of spoils the flow of the chat, is there no way we can have a separate chat or link to somewhere within the forum, could fetmods not interject and offer support also if there is a prolonged spell of someone asking the same advice to all members in the lobby and taking offence when members try to have a different conversation which I have seen all to often resulting in them flouncing because the attention is not all on them. 

I sound a terrible person but I'm not really, promise. I too as others have my/our own personal problems, I have been known to share when asked but always turn the conversation back  round as I would hate to make it all about me and make it a pity party I am aware if others feeling the same it is not just me being heartless/bitchy. I genuinely hate the thought of someone feeling rejected/lost/alone/depressed. But people shouldn't feel they can't enjoy having a laugh or a topical conversation on the basis they make those members any more deflated than they are. I have seen countless members over share personal information, they have been advised accordingly but there is only so much help and support people can give.

So I suppose, what I am asking, is how to help these people any more than we do without it flooding the general chat as I am noticing more and more people avoiding the lobby which is a shame as it really is a good place to socialise. That's one of the main reasons I am here and I know I am not alone on that.

Any suggestions? 

Lots of Love

MuffSparkle xxxx

[Deleted Member]

A difficult one for me to comment on as I don't go into chat much but I understand your point perfectly. I myself do however have experience as I think most have, of being confused, depressed or maybe just having a blue day. For me you have hit the nail oñ the head already in what you say. Maybe another room created in chat maybe labled "Support and advice" aimed more at those who may be a little confused or for whatever reason may be feeling a little down. Sometimes all we need to help lift those blue feelings is an ear that in non judgmental and a little empathy,  a little kindness really can make a huge difference to someone's day 😊😊.

It's not as you state diplomatically and with warmth in your words fair that a certain area of the site may for some become maybe "off limits" as the vibe isn't what it should be 😊but we must also encourage those who feel the need to vent to do so, a tricky balancing act indeed but venting for me is healthy, poison is always better out than in.

Edited September 9, 2020 by Deleted Member
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[Wo****]

I don't use chat much but I like talking to those kind of people. Maybe a "friendmod"? Someone who'll just listen. I'd do that.

[Deleted Member]

Excellent idea regards an additional supoort and advice section. Maybes have it within the chat area so it is seen and members can dip in and out. 

No doubt someone will suggest opening another room to chat in but can you imagine how that may impact the way the person who is struggling would feel. I for one would be left feeling more excluded and the point of me asking is to avoid this.

[Deleted Member]

  3 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I don't use chat much but I like talking to those kind of people. Maybe a "friendmod"? Someone who'll just listen. I'd do that.

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That is an excellent idea and a very kind offer but maybes have a group with friendmods in. Id also do that as an additional service to fetmods.

[Deleted Member]

  2 minutes ago, MuffSparkle said:

. 

No doubt someone will suggest opening another room to chat in but can you imagine how that may impact the way the person who is struggling would feel. I for one would be left feeling more excluded and the point of me asking is to avoid this.

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Totally agree, it would be better if it were a permanent room just as all the others are. So not excluded as such, jist another option for those who may feel a need to chat about other things. To be amongst a group in a dedicated room would for me instantly help lift spirits especially as you would I think feel they have similar issues 😊

[Wo****]

I'd happily chat in a room like that.

[Wo****]

I  like the idea of a "friendmod" room.

Somewhere people can find someone who'll just listen. 

Maybe one could be set up? Its possible I may become a "meet and greeter" maybe being around for those who need or want a friendly, patient ear could be an extension of that?

[Me****]

awww Muff, just as i had surmised, you are such a lovely soul.

[Deleted Member]

  5 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I  like the idea of a "friendmod" room.

Somewhere people can find someone who'll just listen. 

Maybe one could be set up? Its possible I may become a "meet and greeter" maybe being around for those who need or want a friendly, patient ear could be an extension of that?

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I agree. I think you hit the nail on the head with having a friendmod. Having a group of people, volunteers who are happy to listen, support by sharing their own success stories with similar issues, whether personal or just feeling like they don't belong, to talk to each other in a group setting.

I honestly think a lot od people would benefit.

We all have our off days and we all need someone, sadly sometimes the lobby is empty or moves too quick when full,  people tend to get lost as thw chat moves along which can actually have a detrimental affect on those who are low when the chat is all up beat and they are not feeling it. 

[Deleted Member]

  1 minute ago, METALSIR said:

awww Muff, just as i had surmised, you are such a lovely soul.

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Not always but I do try Metal  deep down we all try to take care of each other in our own way 😘

[qu****]

Unfortunately the only way I could see it working is if after a certain amount of messages of the mentioned type, you would automatically be moved to a chill out room, possible seeing as us slow types get constantly booted for taking a bit long, those triggered could also be moved in the same way, but the chill out room should also be available to all, but no saucy talk other than if it concerns a specific problem

[Deleted Member]

A chill out room is also a good idea

[qu****]

Well I quite often lurk in the quieter rooms, (lobby's usually to busy to keep up) and it's not just newbies, a lot from lobby pop in to relax, plus we have the munch forum for more less sexually related topics, so why not a chill out room, I would also suggest if possible a lighter colour, so it's more relaxed

[Si****]

There does appear to be a lot of people who just need someone to talk to. A friendly ear to sound out to and get a second opinion of things. I’ve had a few people pm me for advice or to just share their problems. I can’t always help but I can listen and support those that have. It does worry me that some people who clearly have some emotional problems are left *** on the site.

[Annalou]

Hi MuffSparkle, thanks for your post! I think you have brought up some very valid points, and you come from a very conscientious place about there being a specific channel for those struggling or wanting advice. I do get that it can break the flow of chat if someone wants to just talk about personal issues and others go to the Chat to socialise with other people. Let me think on this and see if there's anything we can do. And I'd really like to hear what other members think about this and if there are any ideas. I am all ears! Thank you again 

[Deleted Member]

I think having a support and chill chat room is a great idea. Would give people somewhere to go when confused or down. I also like the idea of friendmods but I think they’d have to be vetted first to ensure they can offer the correct advice.

Great post Muff 😊

[Deleted Member]

  13 minutes ago, Annalou said:

Hi MuffSparkle, thanks for your post! I think you have brought up some very valid points, and you come from a very conscientious place about there being a specific channel for those struggling or wanting advice. I do get that it can break the flow of chat if someone wants to just talk about personal issues and others go to the Chat to socialise with other people. Let me think on this and see if there's anything we can do. And I'd really like to hear what other members think about this and if there are any ideas. I am all ears! Thank you again 

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No problem. We are all here for each other and I feel as do others clearly it is something that should be addressed so no-one is left to struggle alone or be made to feel bad for struggling. ❣

[Wo****]

  16 minutes ago, Annalou said:

Hi MuffSparkle, thanks for your post! I think you have brought up some very valid points, and you come from a very conscientious place about there being a specific channel for those struggling or wanting advice. I do get that it can break the flow of chat if someone wants to just talk about personal issues and others go to the Chat to socialise with other people. Let me think on this and see if there's anything we can do. And I'd really like to hear what other members think about this and if there are any ideas. I am all ears! Thank you again 

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Great idea!

I'll volunteer to be a friendmod and/Or help with a chatroom, forum thread, messages, whatever x

[ol****]

When I joined my first message was from a mod (greeter). I was offered a lot of help. 

Selecting mods is probably a job for mods if this place is similar to most orhers. It needs to be done with care.

Speaking of care, the care and concern shown in this thread is very uplifting to read.

[Me****]

  3 hours ago, MuffSparkle said:

Not always but I do try Metal  deep down we all try to take care of each other in our own way 😘

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if only everyone gave a damn about others, this world could be a beautiful place

[Deleted Member]

  5 minutes ago, METALSIR said:

if only everyone gave a damn about others, this world could be a beautiful place

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This is very true my dear xxx

Edited September 9, 2020 by Deleted Member
Typo

[Paddywack-3112]

Dear Muff
thank you for being a fantastic human.

[Paddywack-3112]

Dear Muff
thank you for being a fantastic human.

[Ar****]

Perfect post, there's nothing negative here at all and it is warming to see such compassion. Donny and Bounty have beaten me to it, I'm not a lobby user myself but have dabbled briefly in the past and was thinking a separate chat area for advice and support might be the perfect solution while I read your post. Thank you for being awesome x