How to support people in the lobby/forum who are clearly ***

[Deleted Member]

You've handled this topic very well Muff, brilliantly worded and much needed 🔥😘

Edited September 9, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Maybe a sort of Whisper function but to a group of people instead of just 1 could work? 

I also think it can be hard because so many new people turn up in the lobby and some of them are just wanting a quick conversation before getting to the point that they want to sext or whatever...which makes people a little dubious about trusting the intentions of many new people 

 

[Shellshock]

I am lost lonely rejected in married life and  kink.sometimes  can get dark days too.  But always finds the light again when there no point going on

 

But I keep looking forward if anyone want a chat and tell me not to be perverted and they need help i would be honned to help them out. 

Even if its only a chat

[Deleted Member]

There is already the option to create a private lobby? So if any of you feel like to be an open ear or Aunty/Uncle it’s possible and anyone can join or talk to you about anything... like this you can limits numbers of involved and show the door to the unwanted?

[Koby]

Perhaps....if someone is experiencing a General Personal Issue would it not be best for the individual to be directed to offline services?

Some sort of request support option on the site and based on the individuals whereabouts they are directed to a particular place. This would be more beneficial if it's a general personal issue.

If it is Kink-based issue perhaps someone will feel more confident talking to other individuals into BDSM. I guess a separate chat or sub forum category would be useful.

[Shellshock]

But all so has made a real mess of upsetting pouple which if I could wind back time I would have changed

[Shellshock]

muff if you ever need a chat about anything I am 100% ready

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

There is already the option to create a private lobby? So if any of you feel like to be an open ear or Aunty/Uncle it’s possible and anyone can join or talk to you about anything... like this you can limits numbers of involved and show the door to the unwanted?

The thing with this option is.... if people abandon the main chat for this option people may feel left/pushed out. I don't feel this is fair or healthy

[qu****]

If you create a private room ( paying members only ???) if not used it shuts down from what I remember, it isn't difficult to have another permanent designated room, other sites have more than 3 permanent rooms

[Si****]

I’ve spent a lot of time in the lobby and the one thing I do know is it can get busy and ppl do feel it can move too fast for them to keep up with. Often with more than one convo going on at once. It important to remember that any advice given is only to be supportive, and people should consider talking with other professionals such as their GP, Mind or FaCMHA run by their local authorities. 

[qu****]

People won't go to the doctors with a headache, let alone any extremely personal problems, and these things can suddenly come on without knowing, but of course if a problem persists yes professional help should be found

[qu****]

And then there are triggers, we wouldn't know what they are, but they happen unknowingly and unintentionally, so yes we should all be there in these cases, as they are specific to a known situation

[Deleted Member]

The thing is, sometimes a person doesn't always recognise they have a problem or infact an issue even though it can be blatently obvious to those around them so having somewhere to sound off with sympathetic ears would be beneficial.

I have saw members in the lobby be pounced on for staying awake all night drinking. I immediately put myself out on a limb, no one knew what that member was dealing with at that point in time, luckily others felt the same and what could have potentially been a damaging experience was squashed, it wouldn't have been intentional either, just some people feel that that sort of behaviour is wrong and are blunt in their comments, all Im saying is, sometimes the lobby/forum isn't the best place to vent or reach out. The member said they were lonely. Not everyone has someone. It made me want to reach out to them as they had sat in the lobby all night waiting for people to talk to.

A nice slower paced permanent room for people who just want a friendly ear to bend without the masses would be beneficial. Knowing that someone will be along at some point to listen without judging. Christ even I sometimes would prefer a more relaxed room once in a blue moon. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by Deleted Member
Typo

[qu****]

You really are wonderful Miss Muff 🤗🤗🤗

[Ba****]

It's safe to say that all newcomers to chat are welcomed and given a little advice on how to find their way around the site etc. Anyone who asks for advice is given it, and even if someone new rubs people up the wrong way they arnt just dismissed or set upon, we talk to them give them some pointers on do's dont's etc.

I'm trying to word this as diplomatic as possible and I hope not to offend. There are situations where advice is sought and advice is given in spades but the the issue being talked about has a million twists and turns and reaches a point where your asking yourself is this just an elaborate story concocted for the purpose of attention or to get their thrills. Its not that we we will dismiss the person, there is obviously an issue but the advice being given is pointless if the issue is a fabrication.

I want people to continue to find support here as they do now and as I have had in the past. Being able to ask something and instantly getting a load of replies is very powerful but how do we stop it being ***d on the rare occasion e.g. barbed wire paddle (if you know it will make sense)

Other things to note, not everyone will want to ask advice under their screen name, is there an anonymous option?

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, BadTaste_Ted said:

It's safe to say that all newcomers to chat are welcomed and given a little advice on how to find their way around the site etc. Anyone who asks for advice is given it, and even if someone new rubs people up the wrong way they arnt just dismissed or set upon, we talk to them give them some pointers on do's dont's etc.

I'm trying to word this as diplomatic as possible and I hope not to offend. There are situations where advice is sought and advice is given in spades but the the issue being talked about has a million twists and turns and reaches a point where your asking yourself is this just an elaborate story concocted for the purpose of attention or to get their thrills. Its not that we we will dismiss the person, there is obviously an issue but the advice being given is pointless if the issue is a fabrication.

I want people to continue to find support here as they do now and as I have had in the past. Being able to ask something and instantly getting a load of replies is very powerful but how do we stop it being ***d on the rare occasion e.g. barbed wire paddle (if you know it will make sense)

Other things to note, not everyone will want to ask advice under their screen name, is there an anonymous option?

Absolutely agree that some people can *** the empathy of others in the lobby.

[pegged-7856]

32 minutes ago, MuffSparkle said:

Absolutely agree that some people can *** the empathy of others in the lobby.

 

[pegged-7856]

Yes ma’am.

[an****]

Couldn’t one simply invite the person to chat privately and take their issues off line? Sounds smoke to me. There just needs to be a sympathetic kinkster willing to take on the task. No?

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, angry_g said:

Couldn’t one simply invite the person to chat privately and take their issues off line? Sounds smoke to me. There just needs to be a sympathetic kinkster willing to take on the task. No?

The problem with that the person who offers may end up feeling overwhelmed and feel responsible should anything negative happen.

[Wo****]

32 minutes ago, MuffSparkle said:

The problem with that the person who offers may end up feeling overwhelmed and feel responsible should anything negative happen.

Full disclosure here...

One of the ideas that appeals to me is becoming a therapist. It's something I enjoy. I'm good at it. People talk to me....

That said, there are considerations. I have no training, no support system whereas a trained therapist does. Therapists have therapists so it needs careful thought.

 

A "friendmod" will have to know when an issue is beyond their expertise.

If I was a friendmod I'd try not to offer advice as such, more just offer support.

 

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Full disclosure here...

One of the ideas that appeals to me is becoming a therapist. It's something I enjoy. I'm good at it. People talk to me....

That said, there are considerations. I have no training, no support system whereas a trained therapist does. Therapists have therapists so it needs careful thought.

 

A "friendmod" will have to know when an issue is beyond their expertise.

If I was a friendmod I'd try not to offer advice as such, more just offer support.

 

Support is all we can offer Bounty, at the end of the day a shoulder to cry on, a ear to bend, a place to vent has to be better than holding it all in and feeling swamped by emotions and in a low place. For those up against it to know they are not infact alone that someone is listening and there to be a friend has to do someone some good surely

[Wo****]

51 minutes ago, MuffSparkle said:

Support is all we can offer Bounty, at the end of the day a shoulder to cry on, a ear to bend, a place to vent has to be better than holding it all in and feeling swamped by emotions and in a low place. For those up against it to know they are not infact alone that someone is listening and there to be a friend has to do someone some good surely

Yes...

But.... we may not have answers for them.

That said, often just having someone to listen, to know that it's ok to feel however you're feeling... that helps. A lot.

 

 

[Si****]

On 9/10/2020 at 7:50 AM, quietlysure said:

People won't go to the doctors with a headache, let alone any extremely personal problems, and these things can suddenly come on without knowing, but of course if a problem persists yes professional help should be found

I’m sure your not saying a headache is on the same par as mental health. Of course ppl don’t go the the doctors for a headache, but MH is not the taboo that it used to be. 
recognising one has a MH problem is the hard bit. But making a room for them to visit is only going to work if they already recognise they are in need in the first place.

having a bad day and struggling to deal with something is Perfectly normal and not a MH issue. Making a room for people who are just needing advice or some friendly advice and support is one thing but let’s keep Bad days and MH separate. 

I think it’s the communities responsibility to support anyone who needs help and to protect people with MH so they don’t get targeted.

 

having worked with ppl with DV, victims of crime and worked with social services and child services for many years, including working with self harming ***, drug and alcohol ***, FASD, and people with learning disabilities. I can see a difference in MH and every day struggles.

Edited September 13, 2020 by SirGreen

[qu****]

No, but if you have a constant headache for weeks you probably should see a doctor, the same as with any issue, some really do need professional medical help and a frivolous chatroom isn't really the place, that's the point we're all trying to say,