Ghosting is sometimes O.K.

[Ta****]

 It might be a good idea to re-read my original thread!  This, as always, is being taken out of context!  And before you know it, these forum messages are off on a tangent and people start getting hysterical!

17 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

But that is ghosting. The point Fab and I were trying to make.

 

[Carnelian2]

22 minutes ago, TammyNatalia said:

 It might be a good idea to re-read my original thread!  This, as always, is being taken out of context!  And before you know it, these forum messages are off on a tangent and people start getting hysterical!

 

I think this particular thread has been fairly on topic, though :-) credit to you being clear in writing it in the first place! :-)

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, TammyNatalia said:

 It might be a good idea to re-read my original thread!  This, as always, is being taken out of context!  And before you know it, these forum messages are off on a tangent and people start getting hysterical!

 

I did read all of the thread. And replied thoughtfully. I don’t believe I’ve taken anything out of context nor am I hysterical. I was merely pointing out that some of what you and others describe isn’t ghosting - you acknowledge this yourself. So not sure why you’re getting upset with me when I am in agreement with you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Ta****]

4 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I did read all of the thread. And replied thoughtfully. I don’t believe I’ve taken anything out of context nor am I hysterical. I was merely pointing out that some of what you and others describe isn’t ghosting - you acknowledge this yourself. So not sure why you’re getting upset with me when I am in agreement with you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am not upset with you.

[Hal727]

I’m in agreement with most everything you said! I’m going to add, that I think ghosting is a pretty good tool for some of us guys as well.

[Ta****]

For anyone  interested in the subject of ghosting, please refer to the following sources:

Psychology Today -  a great website with a wealth of information about all sorts of topics.  Notably:  

When Is It OK to Ghost Someone?

Learn when disappearing from a relationship might be in your best interest.

Author: Jennice Vilhauer.  PH.d

Ms Vilhauer outlines a short list of where this might be acceptable, such as.

1***.  

2Violating Boundaries 

3Lying or Manipulation.

Other reasons may include: (these are taken from swipelife at Tinder.:)

1 Inconsistent or unreliable communication

2 Can't take a hint

3 Possible catfishing

4 General unease.

5 If you are feeling used.

6 There is no real sense of connection (my addition).

7 Cant stop messaging. (My addition). 

I know a Dom guy like this on another site.  I have ghosted him several times because he doesnt know where to get off with his messaging.  Curiously we are still 'friends' though.  He said he's a nice guy!  So I guess he cant help it!  He is as sweet as a May flower really so I dont dislike him, (although I dont fancy him)

Nevertheless i answered his message this morning.  So here we have someone who I dont think is an ***r, just someone who cant exercise boundaries.   But I had to ghost him once more to get him to shut up! 

No doubt we shall talk again though -  poor Dom!

So posters... when it comes to anyone who make you feel uncomfortable there are situations where you can  engage in a ghosting, and it may even be desirable to do so!

[Ki****]

18 hours ago, Al004 said:

I’m sorry I haven’t worked out how to quote somebody yet but Kinky_Kat, I am so sorry to hear of your experience and your post has immediately altered my way of thinking. Nobody should have to deal with that sort of threat and I fully understand why you would ghost somebody. Please excuse my naivety

That’s okay - it’s surprisingly reassuring to come across someone who wouldn’t ever think that a man would do that to a woman 😊 Its nice to be reminded that there are still decent people out there x

[Fl****]

Have a listen to this 😘 Hayling FC Kahuna

[Sm****]

On 9/30/2020 at 9:16 PM, Kinky_kat said:

I ghosted a guy who said he was fantasising about breaking into my house and forcing me to have sex with him because “I’m a filthy slut and I’d love it”. Ghosting is necessary in some circumstances and he didn’t deserve a response to that even though we’d been chatting for over a week. I think until you’ve been on the end of *** like that it’s difficult to understand that women have to put their well-being first at all times and not worry about how they make someone else feel. If someone crosses the line on what’s acceptable my view is ghost away... but I do agree that if that line hasn’t been crossed then common decency should prevail!

I agree that this is unacceptable and I hope that you were not too distressed by that arsehole. 

 

But because of the nature of this site it might be that the messenger misunderstood how to do things. I am not excusing that behaviour or questioning your decision. I just thought I would say if possible it might be better to say "no thanks" and even encourage them to read more about communication and negotiation. For your safety as much as anything. However I would also be prepared to block and report them if they did not respond well to this. 

 

You know what your instincts were about how to handle that situation and I always think the best way forward is to trust your instincts. The suggestion is more to look at the options for if a similar situation arises as options are always good.