Ending a dynamic?

[Deleted Member]

Recently my dynamic ended and it felt like an emotional roller-coaster and felt like ending 2 relationships, I felt a bit lost as it was intense feelings and sadness that I haven't experienced from vanilla relationships ending.
As a sub I felt 2 conflicting side and more emotions at times, has anyone else felt like this? Is ending a dynamic more intense than ending vanilla relationships due to the nature of kink?
Let's talk.
Share your thoughts.
Much love and respect to all.😊

[ey****]

I went through a D/s relationship ending last year - and, yes, it feels more intense.  

it's a specially difficult if it's part of anything community or public facing and you see them just pick up another sub...

[gibo94]

I ended a dynamic last year as the sub. I can’t say for your doms but it was a hard choice and time for me too. It was due to distance and furthering my career which was more difficult because it wasn’t originally what I wanted, and I make the mistake of lingering and still talking to my sub so both of us was both unable to move on properly. I have ended it entirely now and it’s hard but it’s important to remember that it’s ended because it wasn’t right and you can still find a better Dom who is correct for you

[HarmonySurprise]

It’s like having the worst sub drop ever, you absolutely feel lost without him, I know when I spilt from dynamic, I was so hurt and just felt like was useless and unwanted. My dynamic with my Dom was a long term relationship who one day decided he wanted a open relationship but wanted me to himself, it was killing me and I told him, we fought and he finished it. I was a hot mesh and now I self doubt myself and my confidence has totally dropped to.
But I know one day the right Dom will enter my life and he will worship me the way I worship him.
Keep your chin up and remember it’s his lose 🧡🖤🧡🖤

[Me****]

Hadn't really thought about this but yes, i'd agree.
If you guys are anything like me then you throw your heart and soul into your kink relationship.
Yes, I bet it hurts at least twice as hard as ending a vanilla relationship.
🔓⛓👑⛓🔓

[Mo****]

Totally agree with this. I lost the love of my life earlier in the year because of her abusive ex, her deteriorating mental health, and her eventual lashing out and cutting everyone out of her life including me.

It absolutely destroyed me, and she still means the world to me, so I just backed off and gave her the space she needs, but 6 months on and it doesn't look like she's coming back, and I miss the dynamic we had like part of me has died.

Established dynamics are incredibly unique, and when you lose one, the sad reality is that you're unlikely to find anything like it again. I just keep telling myself that something else will happen at some point, and while it will undoubtedly be different, it will also be unique and beautiful in its own way.

Hopefully one day I will believe myself 😔

[ey****]

I feel another factor also.

Finding a partner is hard

Finding a partner into kink is harder

Finding a partner into kink where you feel there's compatibility.... 

[Deleted Member]

Yep I have to agree with all these comments. I foolishly thought it would.be less emotional, kink rather than vanilla and soon learned the error of my ways. I think the connections you build can be so much deeper than a vanilla connection, so when it goes wrong it for me anyway cuts much deeper and can take some time to recover from

Edited November 3, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Shenna]

I know how you feel. It's not long ago my dynamic finished. Belive me when I tell you, it hurt I was torn, broken, I felt insecure my fault you name it. My heart was shredded. 

Do I miss him? Yes I do. 

Will I ever find a dynamic again? I do not know, I am going to concentrate on me! I will find the right time to maybe go forth in search of another dynamic. But at the moment not right now. 

My kink friends/famlam will be my main focus, I need to heal and the best cure is your kink/friends. You need the laughter, you need the focus, you need that spark, you need to be you again. Before you can even think about another dynamic. 

If you rush into another Dynamic your emotions will be all over the place. 

Your heart maybe broken but it will soon mend. I miss my Dom every day, I miss saying hello, how's your day talking about things to plan. I miss everything it still hurts. 

But I still shed a tear and I know I'm still not ready. 

I've had offers, but no! I know I am definitely not ready. 

It takes time, it depends how you heal but you take it day by day. They will always be part of you. But healing is a must that must come first x

 

[Qu****]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Deleted Member]

  19 hours ago, HarmonySurprise said:

It’s like having the worst sub drop ever, you absolutely feel lost without him, I know when I spilt from dynamic, I was so hurt and just felt like was useless and unwanted. My dynamic with my Dom was a long term relationship who one day decided he wanted a open relationship but wanted me to himself, it was killing me and I told him, we fought and he finished it. I was a hot mesh and now I self doubt myself and my confidence has totally dropped to.
But I know one day the right Dom will enter my life and he will worship me the way I worship him.
Keep your chin up and remember it’s his lose 🧡🖤🧡🖤

Expand  

I hope you find that true right fit, and if you need to talk hit me up😊

[Deleted Member]

  17 hours ago, Psyclist said:

Totally agree with this. I lost the love of my life earlier in the year because of her abusive ex, her deteriorating mental health, and her eventual lashing out and cutting everyone out of her life including me.

It absolutely destroyed me, and she still means the world to me, so I just backed off and gave her the space she needs, but 6 months on and it doesn't look like she's coming back, and I miss the dynamic we had like part of me has died.

Established dynamics are incredibly unique, and when you lose one, the sad reality is that you're unlikely to find anything like it again. I just keep telling myself that something else will happen at some point, and while it will undoubtedly be different, it will also be unique and beautiful in its own way.

Hopefully one day I will believe myself 😔

Expand  

Don't be discouraged and know that you have someone to talk too. The ending of my dynamic was due to other reasons but doesn't mean I can't relate

[Deleted Member]

  Just now, GoldstarKV said:

Don't be discouraged and know that you have someone to talk too. The ending of my dynamic was due to other reasons but doesn't mean I can't relate

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And be a friend who can listen

[Deleted Member]

Thank you all for sharing and opening up, I did feel lost and useless for a bit and unwanted. It's hard but the reasons it ended weren't invalid and our timing unfortunately was wrong, he was an amazing Dom to me and friend so it is difficult but each day a bit easier to separate that.
I hope and wish for all to find a amazing relationship/dynamic.
Be safe in these times.
Much love

[Ma****]

Not that I have experienced this but it made me think and it must be more an intense feeling from a vanilla relationship, as you get the extra part in your life, so for that to suddenly not be there ,I think, be more difficult and harder to get over. I could be wrong but it is just my thought.

 

[li****]

I've been here too with my ex Dom he was the one that ended it with me, I'd put my heart, soul, body, gave him my submission and I put my everything in to the dynamic/relationship even told him I loved him, for him to then turn around and say he didn't feel the same and never did during our time together!!! 

 

It's hard and yes I was devastated, heartbroken more so than when I've broke up with a vanilla boyfriend!!! Emotional and broken I didn't think I'd find another Dom it had me questioning what did I do wrong? Was My submission not good enough?? I had a few friends who helped pick up the pieces like @Shenna says friends were there for me and guided me. In the end I knew it was for the best and yes took me a few months to get over him but I became stronger. I didn't rush in to another dynamic had some me time and I agree with @eyemblacksheep it's hard finding someone in this lifestyle who ticks all boxes but when you do boy does it hit you in the stomach at full pelt 😍 

Edited November 5, 2020 by lil-monster

[Le****]

I am sorry to hear that you were hurt. I am glad that you had the strength to picu up the pieces. I agree that it is hard to fing the mate that ticks all tyhe boxes. We all compromise a bit so I am confident that you will smiling and tingling soon. Reflection will help.

[LazyPirate]

I can’t comment on others but for myself and @Bounty (which happened post the first Covid lockdown in the U.K.) the decision was one that was mutual and logical (mixture of multiple reasons, all of which made sense) but I was toying with it in my head for a long while before I voiced it (and had certain aspects of real world/life not occurred then maybe it wouldn’t have happened, but that’s not one to dwell on). I’m a million miles away from conventional when it comes to relationships and she could see that things had changed her side so it didn’t affect either of us too badly. We’re both still really good friends too.

[Wo****]

  12 minutes ago, LazyPirate said:

I can’t comment on others but for myself and @Bounty (which happened post the first Covid lockdown in the U.K.) the decision was one that was mutual and logical (mixture of multiple reasons, all of which made sense) but I was toying with it in my head for a long while before I voiced it (and had certain aspects of real world/life not occurred then maybe it wouldn’t have happened, but that’s not one to dwell on). I’m a million miles away from conventional when it comes to relationships and she could see that things had changed her side so it didn’t affect either of us too badly. We’re both still really good friends too.

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I am so grateful for the year I had as your submissive.

It taught me, you taught me so much @LazyPirate about bdsm. About a good dynamic, that connection. The club nights were incredible....

Learning and exploring with you, the honesty. Your patience, your care.

Pirate... I can't express what you've done for me. I will always treasure my time with you.

 

I always yearned for freedom. Wanted to fly. You set me off on my fledgling flight.

Thank you for being part of my life, for being my friend. I love you x

[Pe****]

Yes! 😔

One of mine that ended was 100% for the best. Yet the *** and hurt I felt after it, I still struggle with.

As for most recent, I still am left confused, hurt, sadden, an empty. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried solid for two days sight. I was ***, I tried to give him the best of me. I gave more effort and energy I ever given in any dynamic. Because I wanted to be that for him. But in return now that its ended I feel exposed, emotionally strained, and deeply sadden to my core. I'm a bit more reserved and even timid. I even wonder if I'm worthy. It is going to take me time to build my confidence. It irritates me that he even has control over me in a since, and I'm no longer even his. I'd be lying if I said I don't miss him. I miss ALL of it.  He suggested I seek outside help to cope, which I did and they told me to brake all ties immediately. Picking myself up and trying to put myself back together this time around has been a struggle. So, yes I can tell you I have been in you're shoes and my thoughts and sympathies are with you during this trying time. 

[Whatyousay]

Damn

Who was he