The Gift of Submission?

November 9, 2020

Let me be clear: I actually agree with characterizing submission as a gift, just as I would characterize love, sex, and intimacy as a gift. I also think that characterizing submission as a gift is (to an extent) *valuable*, as it undermines the a cultural stereotype that ***ts the submissive as ***, weak, lacking agency, or even as less than human.

At the same time, I think there’s a real risk that a hyperfocus on the submissive’s gift runs the risk of leading to other mistakes. It leads some to wholly discount the gift of dominance that are brought into the dynamic.

Even worse still, it can lead some to entirely discount the submissive’s desire for submission, as if they gain no fulfillment for themselves in a D/s dynamic. Ironically enough, this can serve to *rein**** the stereotype we were trying to avoid earlier on, by ignoring this very real aspect of the submissive’s life.

Both persons offer something valuable to the dynamic, and both stand to lose something valuable should they choose to end it. I wonder if there’s an alternative way to talk about the gifts exchanged in a D/s dynamic that honors that reality?

November 10, 2020

I believe both parties, regardless of position in the relationship, in both kink and vanilla, should be seeking to help each other be the best person and team they can be. Each person is a gift to the other and should be treated with respect as an individual, and for what they bring to the other person. In any relationship, if the sanctity of the bond is broken or the relationship is oppressing in a non- consensual manner, even the most vanilla of relationships will form a bad stereotype bc that is what indeed happened, a toxic relationship was formed. If the dominant or submissive aren't on the same wavelength, they will always be toxic and sterorypical. When talking about the dynamics of a kink relationship, if you emphasize the communication aspect and put it into the context of a vanilla relationship, highlighting the need for communication and respect and how the dynamic builds on the person, most will no longer see the negative stereotype of power control. And if they do, they probably won't perform well in any relationship for not understanding that there should be an equal power balance in any relationship formed, regardless of if one consents to submission to another.

November 17, 2020

Both sides of the D/s dynamic are very special indeed. They are both meticulous and detailed and take a lot of work. Like a tango dance where one leads, one follows but together, if done with attention payed to detail and nuance, create an emotional dynamic unparalleled by any other couples dance. It can be spectacularly beautiful if the couple is in sync. If they’re not, the dance can be a real train wreck.

Trust and communication are the keys with both the tango and the D/s relationship as without them in addition to the love of the “dance” itself, all falls apart. What you end up with, at best, is something that’s just nice. For those in the life, just nice is not what your looking for. Just nice is just that... nice. A waltz to me is just nice.

The D/s dynamic however is a lot more than that. It s a passionate power exchange where one leads and one follows but both make the dance a spectacular, explosive, passionate, emotionally exhausting, (in a good way) violent, tender, sharp and smooth all at the same time. And those who have witnessed it done to perfection understands how intricately blissful the dynamic really is.

It’s a difficult subjects to tackle without writing a book-like comment but a fantastic topic DeepHearts. Thank you so much. I would love to chat with anyone interested in continuing as there are so many variations of the dynamic and I could discuss it all day. Love to learn how others dance. Be well everyone♥️🌹