Shamed at work

[lucyreed]

Hello all , I am new to this site and I am also new to the scene having spent years hiding my deepest pleasures and choosing my partners very carefully and keeping my professional and 'real' life away from my kink.

I work in an office environment with a group of people who I thought were liberal minded and accepting, i work with gay friends, people who are non binary etc.

But  I  appear to have made a big mistake.  I had some bruises last week after a fantastic self bondage session and a colleague saw the marks on my wrists and clearly i picked the wrong bra and top as i had a bruise on my upper breast from a bulldog clip.

They asked me about them and I was feeling brave so I told her that i love Bondage.  Her reaction was so over the top, called me a weird and then told most of the rest of the team.   I am now in a terrible environment....some think i am a pervert and 1 guy and 1 female colleague have gone all pervy and weird on me and are asking really inappropriate questions about what i 'get up to".

if i had said i was les then i would have been protected by law from this sort of thing but everyone seems to feel that it is ok to judge or question my sexuality and it is making life hell.

i am thinking of contacting people services to see if they are able to help but i am worried that this will open an even bigger can of worms.

so any advice or anyone else been where i am now?

lucy xx

[Wo****]

Bear in mind that if someone reports your bruises the police will (probably) follow it up.

I'd wait until the bruises are no longer visible, report it and hide any future bruises.

You're being bullied.

[sissy_petra_uk_slut]

Regardless of what you told them, I agree it is bullying. You could talk to your manager or HR , or follow your companies anti bullying procedure. This can also under equality and diversity which most if not all companies follow. It is irrelevant what you do, or have said, no one has the right to speak, or act towards you in a abusive, sexually suggestive , or threatening way

[Ni****]

Really sorry to hear about your experiences and can understand how uncomfortable it must be now. So much for being tolerant of others consensual choices, but unfortunately all too common and why most of us still hide that side of us, even though shouldn't have to. Speak to HR or manager and don't have to go into details just shared personal information that's been spread and is being used against you. Best wishes x

[E-dUbBs]

What a shame it saddens me that humans haven’t moved on enough to accept peoples choices
Treat them with the contempt they deserve and tell the Pervy ones you have no interest in discussing it
Then if you still feel you’re being treated wrongly report it to HR

I’d use it as a positive myself
It just shows you’re move developed and understanding than others

[Si****]

I might be able to help you with this. I dont want to say anything public here but if you would like to Private message me, I will be happy to explain why and offer you some advice. Chin up. you still have contol over how this pans out.

Edited November 24, 2020 by SirGreen

[VoyagerX]

2 hours ago, lucyreed said:

Hello all , I am new to this site and I am also new to the scene having spent years hiding my deepest pleasures and choosing my partners very carefully and keeping my professional and 'real' life away from my kink.

I work in an office environment with a group of people who I thought were liberal minded and accepting, i work with gay friends, people who are non binary etc.

But  I  appear to have made a big mistake.  I had some bruises last week after a fantastic self bondage session and a colleague saw the marks on my wrists and clearly i picked the wrong bra and top as i had a bruise on my upper breast from a bulldog clip.

They asked me about them and I was feeling brave so I told her that i love Bondage.  Her reaction was so over the top, called me a weird and then told most of the rest of the team.   I am now in a terrible environment....some think i am a pervert and 1 guy and 1 female colleague have gone all pervy and weird on me and are asking really inappropriate questions about what i 'get up to".

if i had said i was les then i would have been protected by law from this sort of thing but everyone seems to feel that it is ok to judge or question my sexuality and it is making life hell.

i am thinking of contacting people services to see if they are able to help but i am worried that this will open an even bigger can of worms.

so any advice or anyone else been where i am now?

lucy xx

I'm really sorry to hear that lucy.

I'm afraid I haven't got much advice for you because I've never been in that situation myself.... But it does scream of discrimination and it is utterly reprehensible for anyone to divulge your personal information to your work mates.

I do find their reactions bizarre... especially considering the gay/ non-binary contingency amongst your work colleagues.

Do you think at least some of these comments could be based on curiosity or even jealousy?

Either way it's still totally out of order.

If it was me I tell them to mind their own fucking business unless they wanted their teeth punched down the back of their throat....but I realise that's not particularly helpful advice.

It also makes me wonder how their reactions would have been if you were male. Maybe you'd be getting slaps on the back.... With a little bit of friendly  Mickey taking.

The trouble is you can't put it back in the box so to speak can you.

All I can say is try and rise above it.... and hopefully if they can see your not phased... maybe they'll get bored and move on.

And maybe if things don't improve you could well have a case for sexual discrimination at work... so it might be worth contacting the citizens advice bureau to find out.

It might be worth keeping a record of who said what and when.

And if you can record any of it on your phone phone even better.

And if you do have a case and they continue to make your life hell then you've really nothing to lose have you?

I'm sure the whole community here is behind you.... so keep your chin up... and let us know how you get on.

[lucyreed]

thank you Voyager that is really kind and very helpful

[lucyreed]

6 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

I might be able to help you with this. I dont want to say anything public here but if you would like to Private message me, I will be happy to explain why and offer you some advice. Chin up. you still have contol over how this pans out.

i dont know how to message you?

[Si****]

Just now, lucyreed said:

i dont know how to message you?

visit my profile and under my photo is a message icon. looks like an envelope.

[lucyreed]

it says i have to send a pic in order to message you....i dont want to do that

[ga****]

The really best way to make bullying go away is making fun of it your self

[ga****]

Making fun of yourself and the whole bondage thing will diswade people to even talk or think about it eventually. Also I would have said I was joking but seems like it’s too late mow

[Phoenyx]

I believe that, over there, you have a group called the "National Council for Civil Liberties" (NCCL).  They are a non-profit, equivalent to America's "ACLU".  It might be worth it, to contact them, on this matter.  They are funded by charitable donations.  So, pursuing this matter should not cost you anything.  You may be able to set a precedent.

[lucyreed]

1 minute ago, Phoenyx said:

I believe that, over there, you have a group called the "National Council for Civil Liberties" (NCCL).  They are a non-profit, equivalent to America's "ACLU".  It might be worth it, to contact them, on this matter.  They are funded by charitable donations.  So, pursuing this matter should not cost you anything.  You may be able to set a precedent.

thank you so much x

[VoyagerX]

49 minutes ago, lucyreed said:

thank you Voyager that is really kind and very helpful

You're very welcome lucy.

Someone mentioned about HR... And I was kind of thinking the same thing.

Collect as much evidence as you can... Find out where you stand legally... And then if it persists you may be able to go above their heads.

If it becomes intolerable you may even have grounds for constructive dismissal.... with a potential payout...and they're going to want to avoid that aren't they!?

I think as long as you've been working there for at least 2 years then you are within your rights to pursue that.

Give them enough rope.... Collect the evidence.... Keep your powder dry... Get legal advice from CAB.... And once you've got all your ducks in a row... You may well hold the winning hand.

[VoyagerX]

1 hour ago, lucyreed said:

i dont know how to message you?

Click on your profile pic in the top right hand corner.

At the bottom of the menu you will see browse..... It's near settings and community.

Click on that and you'll see a search bar.

Then just type in the name of the person you want to message.

[Deleted Member]

Inappropriate comments are inappropriate regardless of gender or sexual preference. You have no need to be embarrassed and the indiscretion from your team member is inexcusable.

Echo00s made a good point about trying to laugh it off. If anyone mentions it to you, an eye roll and a "really?" in an incredulous tone may well shut them up. If their inappropriate behaviour continues then a chat with your Team Leader asking them to have a word with the gossip spreader and the male and female in question could be an idea. If they fail to deal with the issue, HR is your next step. As a former team leader, I never tolerated gossip and scandal regardless of what my thoughts were. I would hope yours will support you in the Sam vein.

Stay strong💪🏻

[typhoon2]

Backlash UK are a useful group for BDSM-related issues.

[Deleted Member]

I'd be happy to talk if need someone so feel free to message me :)

[Su****]

1 hour ago, Echo00s said:

The really best way to make bullying go away is making fun of it your self

So sorry to hear this.  I can't give any new advice to whats been said/posted already.  However I'd advice as @Echo00s posted as I've quoted above.

I did go through I similar situation, may be we are  to open minded for some people to understand.

Hang in there, this will get better with time.

[Deleted Member]

I’d say be very careful trying to sue people just because you literally told them what you did. And depends if they ask questions or actually make a judgement on you but if you try and open that can of worms it could also possibly ruin your career the taint of your reputation. So be sure if you want to go through with lawsuits they’re pretty serious lengthy and costly. I’m sorry that happened to you. Cover up at work! Good luck.

[Deleted Member]

I’d be tempted to shame them into shutting up. The LGBT community is generally one of the most open-minded there is. They have fought long and hard for acceptance. For them to shame you for your preferences is hypocrisy of the highest order.

[***_me2]

Hey Lucy, I would get in touch with my inner bitch. Tell them to fuck off

[Edsall2007]

Leave that place ASAP and try to look another job and this time refrain talking about your sexual life except with your partner