Munch Notes/Agenda - Bad Manners, Rude Messages and Bullying - 30th July 2020

December 28, 2020

*Again here is backdated munch notes for members to have a gander at and leave any comments/questions if they wish to do so*

Host: @lil-monster

Content Contributors: @lil-monster & @PixieDust

Thank you all for joining us for today’s munch in which we plan to tackle the subject of Bad Manners, Rude Messages and Bullying. It has become apparent that this is becoming a huge issue on the site and as a community we need to address and come up with ways of combatting the behaviour. Whilst we can’t stop everyone in their bad behaviours we hope this discussion will give you the tools to deal with bad manners, rude messages and identify bullies and more importantly give you the confidence to speak out against them. We want this munch to be a safe place to chat without judgment and or prejudice so we can tackle the hard issues of this multi-faceted topic

1.How many of you here today have been the target of bullies or have been the recipient of bad manners or rude messages since joining the site?

2.How did this make you feel and how did you cope with the experience? Did you feel you had a voice to speak out about it?

3.We have seen an increase in bad manners and rude messages members are receiving particularly so for women and submissives. Why do you think this is happening? Do you feel it is a lack of respect and or understanding? Is it a form of entitlement? Or have manners in general just fallen by the wayside and maybe a sign of the times that they are no longer considered important?

4.What do you feel is the best way to deal with rude and disrespectful members who have lost their manners? For example, is it better to disengage rather than confront the member on their behaviour? Or do you prefer to confront them? Or do you use the “No thanks” feature available? What do you do?

5.Do you feel the “No thanks” feature could be improved by giving a couple of options to members to choose from? For example, “This member no longer wishes to continue this conversation due to bad manners” or “ This member has found your behaviour offensive and has chosen not to continue the conversation” If possible what message would you like to see as option?

6.What if a member comes to you and offers you genuine guidance and support but you just see it as another infringement? Do you instantly attack and overlook their sincerity due to being numb to the constant barrage of bad messages?

7.Are we being too quick to judge in some cases? Do we need to be more mindful of each other?

8.Male members of the site do get a bad rap, but female members can also cause other members distress by sending equally bad and rude messages? Do we need to stop and think before messaging a member?

9.Did you know you can report a member if you feel they are being offensive? Do you know how to do this?

10.Do you feel members who are found guilty of being rudely inappropriate with messages should be penalised and removed from the site for a period of time? With a follow-on rule of three strikes and you’re out permanently?

11.Whilst rude messages and bad manners are hugely prevalent on the site so is bullying particularly seen in the lobby and at times, in the forum. Do you know how to identify a Bully in general? Bullies can come in many forms, what do you think some of these would be?

•One on one

•Group Bullying

•Online Bullying

•Workplace Bullying

•Sports

•Coercive/and or manipulating behaviour

•Not letting things go, constantly hounding you

12.Online bullies are often referred to as keyboard warriors. Without invitation, they can impose themselves onto others in an intimidating arrogant way belittling anyone they deem worthy of target. Normally when you meet these people in real life they come across as friendly and caring. Yet these traits go out the window when as soon as they get behind a keyboard where their true identity is hidden. Why do you think they do this? What benefit do they gain from acting this way?

•Can’t be held accountable for behaviour if not visible

•Easy to target the weak, the shy, the young, the outcast

•They get their kicks off, they feel empowered

13.When someone bullies, they are expecting a reaction, is it wise to react? Or does this inflame the situation? Do you fight fire with fire and attack back? Or does this make you just as bad as the bully? Or do you confront the bully and tell them their behaviour is not acceptable, then walk away?

•If you choose to engage – does this only make the situation worse

•By engaging does it allow them to manipulate the situation further

•Are you stooping to their level of behaviour

•Benefits of walking away – allows you get to get out of a volatile situation

•Not giving them further ammunition to antagonise you

•Shows you are not prepared to put up with the behaviour

14.What tools do you have at your disposal when dealing with bullies?

•Remember you haven’t done anything wrong

•This is their bad behaviour not yours

•Tell the member to stop

If they do not stop, you can call a Chat Mod or a Forum Mod for assistance

•You can report the members profile

•You can report the conversation

•You can seek support from a trusted friend or member

•Keep records of the conversation, screen dumps, times and dates

•Block/Ignore the member

•Also remember you have a voice, and no one has a right to bully you or make you feel less than

15.How many members here feel they have a voice to speak up if they have been bullied on the site? Particularly in the Lobby chatroom or in the Forum ?

16.Do you feel that some members who do bully in the Lobby or the forum have a sense of entitlement and a total lack of tolerance for new members? If so, how do we overcome this?

17.Do we think this behaviour has gotten worse since the APP has become more popular?

18.Do we feel the site is losing genuine members to due to the recent bad behaviour of other members?

19.If a bully were to come an apologise to you now, would that make a difference? Or are you stronger for being bullied ? or do you still wear the emotional scars?

20.Do we need to have empathy for the bully ? are they going through something similar, though not an excuse but maybe a reason their behaviour? Is it our job to find out?

21 Without judgment, does anyone here admit to bullying. If not now in the past and do you regret your actions? Do you recognise that your behaviour was wrong? What advice could you offer to members who are being bullied?

22.Do you have any other suggestions on how the site and the community could tackle the whole issue of rude messages, bad manners and bullying overall?

23.Do we need to warn younger or first-time submissive members about Dominants, who bully? Do we need to give them better insight on how to identify a Dominant that bullies compared to one who doesn’t?

24.Do we need more education on the site to protect our members, for an example Rules of Do’s and Don’t’s that is pinned to the forum that every member has access too?

25.Does anyone have any final thoughts?