Newbie 101

[Deleted Member]

I’m new to the BDSM scene so, I’m starting this thread as a way for any newbies to learn what all is okay and not. So I’d appreciate any help from veterans in this field.

[Deleted Member]

There isn't a set one way or thing is good. The other is not. It's all about communication with your Dom or submissive. Every person and dynamic is different. Experiment and see what you like or don't like. There you will find your answer.

[du****]

Well it will be difficult for everyone some are ok with something's and some wont.
It's about talking before hand

[Ni****]

You may be a submissive, but YOU decide whose submissive you are, not the Dom/me. We have to earn your submission.

[Mz****]

10 Commandments for Newbies
By LadyMary

I. THOU SHALT BE RELENTLESS IN YOUR SEARCH OF KNOWLEDGE ...for there are many who are willing and eager to guide and assist you in your search.

II.THOU SHALT NOT BE HAUGHTY OF MIND ...for we all are still learning and growing. There is no shame in not knowing a right word or how to do something. Always keep an open and humble mind when it comes to learning.

III. THOU SHALT BE STEADFAST AND BOLD OF HEART...for there are those who will try to humiliate you and belittle you for their egos sake. (Example: "for a newbie-you sure have opinions" "newbies should be seen and not heard" "this isn't a beginners forum")

IV. THOU SHALT BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS...for we should all respect each other as humans and as part of the same community. Even if opinions clash it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable keeping a sense of respect for one another.

VI. THOU SHALT NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO PERFORM FOR OTHERS SAKE ...for there are those who will mock where you are comfortable with. Perhaps you are only comfortable giving/taking mild spankings whereas an edge playing sadist/masochist may snub you feeling superior. They are not. The only right way to be is the right way for you!

VII. THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE LEST YE BE JUDGED ...for each relationship is special and unique between the people directly involved. As an observer you may not understand it but you don't have to as long as the people involved are in consensual agreement.

VIII. THOU SHALT BE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER...for we are all part of the same community. Insults and Flaming weaken the whole. We are fortunate because we have 4 cheeks to turn thus we should be even more forgiving of each others faults.

IX. THOU SHALT BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS...for with the availability of knowledge and the forums for opinions there is little reason to act in ignorance which may lead to unfortunate experiences. This means proper understanding of safe, sane and consensual play including negotiation and safe words and communicating your wants & needs efficiently. Do not assume others can read your every thought.

X. THOU SHALT BE TRUE TO YOURSELF ...for you are wonderful and unique in your individual way. There is no specific way a Dominant/Submissive must be. We are all distinctive jewels with our own remarkable personalities. There is no mold.

[Sw****]

Hi Luna I'm new as well but I've had experienced lovers honesty to yourself and to your lover along with clear open communication if their if a committed relationship be honest to yourself will this work that's where the clear open communication comes in helpful otherwise be safe talk out what your gonna do before hand and enjoy

[Deleted Member]

Ty @MzJax that helps too, I’m in another lobby but, I’ve learned there as well!

[Sw****]

Oh and the submissive is the one running the show as a first time dom it was easy cause my sub told me exactly what they wanted and it was easy to deliver cause we pre-planned what we would do

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for your help

[Deleted Member]

I have been learning a lot from other forums.

[Deleted Member]

So what all should I expect involving events.

[To****]

This was actually super helpful and very easy to get into I’m also new

[ey****]

Remember it's not a sprint, it's a marathon 

"I'm new and want to do things, like, immediately" is going to be met with eyerolls and lead to disappointment.  Take your time.

[ru****]

I am Ruby. How come in these topics I can only read the last three when it says there is way more than that?

[ey****]

On 1/13/2021 at 3:05 AM, Luna_287 said:

So what all should I expect involving events.

events can vary wildly, there's a lot of different types of events, but to give a brief summary

munches - casual, usually relaxed dress code and in a public location - like a bar or restaurant.  these are designed to be social, and there's no play or fetish outfits.  But a good way to make friends, find out about stuff, so on.

 workshops / ***r learning - usually somewhere private hire and not usually a dress code but usually a walkthrough, demo, discussion group - if something like rope, something you'll learn in pairs and from other pairs.

dungeon parties - usually held in a local dungeon with opportunity to play.  dresscode and rules can vary between events - so check before attending.

fetish events/clubs - usually held in a hired club - there's nearly always a dresscode (some stricter than others) and often a play room or area.  Again, stuff like rules worth checking in advance.  Some of the bigger ones, especially with high dress codes, are the kinda "fetish carnival" folk have in their head.

--

this is non exhaustive as there can be so many other types of niche event, from rubber events to foot fetish parties to femdom/protocol events, so on - but these are somewhat less common.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks that helps me out a lot.

[Mz****]

On 1/13/2021 at 9:28 AM, ruby_in_SD said:

I am Ruby. How come in these topics I can only read the last three when it says there is way more than that?

Is that when you're on the post itself, or in your news feed? If its the feed its likely because of the amount of space dedicated to each item that shows there, if the replies were shorter you might see more, if longer you'd see less. If its on the thread itself I'd guess you'd need to contact support and see if you've a glitch..sorry I couldnt be more help, perhaps a post in the SOS Technical Issues forum might be useful?