pandagurl32965 Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) Hello, I'm a fairly new slave that has lost her Master. He was my first one and i took my vow very seriously. Please help me understand how to work through this. i loved Him very much and gave up so much. Can any other slaves or subs relate? -lost slave Edited January 16, 2021 by pandagurl32965 left out a word
ey**** Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 any break up can be difficult it often feels extra intense when it's been a kink relationship - losing a Master, or Mistress (or sub) like any break up there's different stages you'll go through in dealing with it. This can include wondering if you could have done more, being angry with yourself. Or being angry with him for not giving another chance or not doing more to avoid the break up. Sadly, there's no magic wand to get over it. Time is often a good healer, but that can also take time. In the mean time, ultimately take care of yourself and ultimately try to remember that sometimes relationships just don't work.
Sadar Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 From the Master side of things it can be equally distressing. Sometimes we just need to come to an accommodation with something because acceptance is too challenging initially. As set out in a previous comment, the intensity is of an extremely high and this can leave one feeling quite bereft and lonely. I agree that it’s very important that you look after yourself Kerr and realise that you have agency in yourself and can centre yourself. Important too is to take time before entering into another relationship. Test carefully that you have the same aims and objectives with the relationship and that you are compatible in the way you think about the world. I wish you all the best on your journey and I’m sure that you will have a good journey ahead of you!
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 Horrible when this happens. I know what its like to feel like an abandoned sub and it’s awful and can be very upsetting. Was it at least amicable? It’s entirely possible he will want to help you with this - most Dom’s do make sure of that, not all of them though and they’re wrong for that. Feel free to message me if you need a hand with this x
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 Do you mean sub and Dom? I would be surprised if a Master who take years to model a slave just dump her like this?
pandagurl32965 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Posted January 16, 2021 @SophieSub2@eyemblacksheep@Sadar@FabSeverus my "name" is Sophie too! Its an incredibly long story and I'll be grateful to anyone that has responded to chime in as well. my Master and i met at our job. It was a fall fast and hard in love. In the learning about each other phase, He learned i wanted an owner. To take a serious oath and keep our BDSM bond. This meant He had to get a divorce and i needed to break away from my life. We broke up because He wanted to try with His ex. A month went by and He realized He made the wrong choice by doing that. So He slowly reached back out again at Valentine's Day. He did divorce, but it was slow process. i did what i could to help him. To see Him but He was always distracted. When we were alone He was always worried about other things. He is clinically depressed. We both agreed there were issues personally that needed to improve so we both started making changed. It seemed like after He sold his boat then house He shut down. (Dream home and boat) In the meantime, i gave Master my collar and i promised to always be His. That it was all of me and if He was ready to be the Master i need.... Please allow me the honor to wear it. Normally i would have been over this, but i made that promise.... And He kept my collar when he moved away. He told me He wasn't sure if i was the one.... But He gave me my other things back. I know it's dumb to still be crying almost a year later but it hurts so much. Thank you all for listening and helping.... Also i am not dating anyone else. Im focusing on me. Talking with people, but general just focusing on me. ❤️ You guys don't even know that you are helping save my life ..
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 It’s not dumb at all! Drop me a message on here and I’ll send you a longer message or voice note just because it’s perhaps too long to write on here. But I’ve suffered with depression too and it is so complicated, those who suffer with it often act very different to how they feel. Talk soon and best of luck. I know the people who have already commented and will comment again, have experience and good advice for you too x
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 I am sorry about my hush hush comment and now that I have a better view of your situation I understand your desperation. For any new relationship even like a shirt one for yourself it’s seems that you jump too fast into something both of you were not prepared for. Even some of us, experienced a sudden break up affect us too. As Sophie suggested, reach for some regular kinksters from this site and talk as much as you can. But also try to find a local place to talk about your anxiety. Take care keep safe
Koby Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 It took me awhile to heal from a past D/s Relationship... a year actually. It was ***ful but the *** usually fades and positivity or optimism grows. Optimism in the sense that you will grow from your experiences and be more in tune with yourself. The time it takes for you to move on from your ex is irrelevant, it is more important that you give yourself enough time to heal. Part of the healing process could be about processing and closing your previous experience.
Sadar Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 Thank you for that explanation, Sophie. And apologies also for typos in my last comment. I use voice recognition software and it has strange moments. The journey you have described is a very sad and difficult one. It does seem to me that your previous Master was not in a space mentally to take on the responsibility that he did. Again I can certainly confirm that people have no right to place someone in a collar unless they are able, willing and committed to what that means and requires. My first 24/7 experience lasted over a decade however the strength that it needed from me (and I also experience depression) at times became too much. All sorts of reasons for that, in particular radical change in life circumstances for us both. Stress can come on for all sorts of reasons. Does this mean I am not going to try again? No it doesn’t, but it does mean that I will be taking even more care this time around to make sure that I have both the capability and capacity to provide what any future slave might need. Coming out of this is the need for a much higher level of self-awareness in this type of relationship than might be needed in a vanilla relationship. This applies to both sides. I don’t find it surprising that after a year you are still trying to process this. You committed your life to this and now it is gone. There will be grieving and those processes take a long time and are ***ful. My thought is that our past does not and should not dictate our present and future but is to inform our present and future. What are our learnings out of all of this? Can we do better next time? Maybe that is in choice of person or maybe there are things inside ourselves. Only we can know that. It is good that you have reached out and have been able to draw forth supportive responses from people. With my best wishes to you, Sadar
Mz**** Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 It's not dumb at all, you're grieving and there's no timetable you have to follow..you may not believe it now but you will get through this and out the other side, and you will be stronger for it as a person and as a submissive..if its effecting your whole life it might be worth talking to a grief counsellor, if at all possible one thats kink friendly, if not perhaps to friends, but that you're reaching out here suggests you don't have any who would understand, I'm glad you found us lot..hopefully you're starting to make some friends here who you can talk to to feel less alone. I'm not sub but I have seen how devastating the end of a D/s relationship can be to E/everyone concerned, its like the most intense vanilla break up but on steroids, but it can be particularly devastating for a submissive, many blame themselves, you can feel anything from rejection to abandonment to the absolute heartbreak you're still going through, all are valid emotions..and having read your explanation of your relationship with him, you gave so much and seem to have got very little in return, when you're ready to dip another toe in the pool, I sincerely hope you find someone more worthy of your devotion, time, energy and submission. Sending a big virtual hug your way.
Deleted Member Posted January 24, 2021 Posted January 24, 2021 I'm so sorry. This is so hard, and even when you see it coming, nothing can prepare you for how much it will hurt. I'm in a similar situation from the other side. All I can say is take time to grieve, love yourself, and if you feel a need to actively do "something", work on yourself. Not to say that I think you need improvement, but if you can , focus on doing something positive for yourself, whether that means therapy, massages, getting healthier, maybe taking a language class, whatevervyou need in order to feel like you are worth the time and attention. It sounds like he wasn't ready to be a Dom and is probably hurting too. Try to forgive him, but above all, remind yourself and the rest of the world that you are worth being loved. ❤ Time to take my own advice.
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