Vetting process for littles and caregivers

[Ar****]

Earlier today, in one particular littles and caregivers group I recently joined, a gentleman enquired about the various vetting processes littles and Daddys in the group may have when engaging with a new potential. Whilst I have many interests of which DDlg is only one, I shared my thoughts.

 

I was not prepared for how well received they would be by both littles and CGs alike, and after being approached by a Mommy to ask if I would mind if she copied and shared my advice to some of the other groups she was in I felt it appropriate and may hopefully be of help to some fellow users here too.

 

This one is for the littles and their carers, from a Daddy's perspective - happy vetting!!

 

* * * * *

I want to know that they can talk to me about interests outside of kink. About hopes, aspirations, hobbies, dreams, favourite activities and places they might like us to visit together on days out.

I need to know about limits; if a potential little tells me she has "none" (or almost none) and just wants me to use her and do what I want to her, that is a huge red flag to me.

If a little starts telling me she loves me before we have have met or at very least spoken regularly on the phone/video called, that is another red flag. If it happens within a day or two of first messaging, it is a very well polished red flag covered in glitter with shiny tassels hanging off it and its own brass band playing a fanfare in the background.

I watch for honesty and integrity. I respect privacy and neither need nor want to know anything before a potential is ready to share those things with me, but I am watchful for inconsistencies, stories which do not make logical sense or which change as I have been burned before too many times. I try to foster an atmosphere of openness and trust by being open and approachable myself, so if communication is not working I tend to feel that a relationship will not work either.

I watch for ghosting and being absent for long periods. I understand that many littles have busy lives and would never demand their full attention 24/7, but the same as with any new budding relationship if somebody ignores me for a couple of days at a time or barely speaks to me over the course of a week except the occasional message to keep me interested, I recognise that they are probably not serious and just playing games. It does not take much time or effort to send a good morning or goodnight message, and if I can see that a potential who claims to want me for their partner or Daddy is ignoring me whilst regularly online talking to other people, I know they are likely stringing me along.

It is also important to learn how much experience a potential has had in terms of previous Daddys. One who has never had a Daddy before or perhaps just one who was short-term and abusive will need a lot more hand-holding than a little who has 15 years experience of being Daddied.

I think most important though is that I ask them what they hope to get out of a relationship with me - what they hope to learn, what they want to feel, if there is anything they want to achieve etc. That helps me understand whether we are compatible and I can be the right Daddy for them. If they don't have questions of their own or want to know about me and my previous Daddying or Domming experiences, I find that a bit alarming.

Most of these vetting points can be flipped around to be asked from a little's perspective to potential Daddys (and Mummys).

Furthermore, if - as a little - your new would-be CG isn't at trying to do at least SOME of this kind of thing, please be cautious and careful at the very least.

 

* * * * *

I hope this is useful to at least some people here. Feel free to copy and paraphrase to any other forums and communities where you feel it might be helpful.

[BrattylittleBitch]

I really like this post, as someone quite new to exploring my little kinks, I don’t feel like enough time is given to discussing anything other than the daddy’s desires so far.. for me the aftercare is a very very important part that I don’t feel gets enough focus sometimes.

[Deleted Member]

Very well written. Vetting is a long process but very worth it in the long run to make sure you have a happy and healthy relationship that lasts.

[te****]

As a new Little. I thank you!

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, ***iekittypatti said:

As a new Little. I thank you!

You're welcome Patti 🙂

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for the advice i am new to the daddy scene and i have fell foul to most of the bad points you mentioned but seeing the simple check list makes me realise is not me i only didn't ask the right questions

[Ar****]

2 hours ago, Crazydiamond said:

Thanks for the advice i am new to the daddy scene and i have fell foul to most of the bad points you mentioned but seeing the simple check list makes me realise is not me i only didn't ask the right questions

We are all constantly learning, I'm glad you found it helpful and wish you well for your future relationships 

[Pe****]

Ahhhh!! Love this!!!! This should be standard in the LS no matter someone’s role 💖

[Ar****]

4 hours ago, kaycie said:

Ahhhh!! Love this!!!! This should be standard in the LS no matter someone’s role 💖

A lot of things should be which sadly aren't... but hopefully that will change if enough of us are persistent enough. Thank you Kaycie 😊

[Ho****]

That’s really great advice, I don’t have a daddy yet. Hopefully, very soon. Your exactly right about watching for red flags. if a potential daddy comes off as too interested then I feel like he’s just a guy looking to beat on girls legitimately.

[Do****]

I love this I have been targeted a lot

[Ar****]

3 hours ago, DoLLsDeviL said:

I love this I have been targeted a lot

I'm so sorry to hear that... I hope that changes for you in the future and that you are okay now

[JC****]

🥳

[JC****]

Thanks for this.

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, JCMeow said:

Thanks for this.

You're very welcome, I hope it was helpful 

[Deleted Member]

Thank you, I've just experienced a online DDLG relationship and I thought it was all going well, unfortunately I got burned, now upon reading this I can see that there were a whole lot of red flags, I will not make the same mistake in the future

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, DeltaD said:

Thank you, I've just experienced a online DDLG relationship and I thought it was all going well, unfortunately I got burned, now upon reading this I can see that there were a whole lot of red flags, I will not make the same mistake in the future

I'm so sorry to hear that. It happens all too often 😔 I hope you are okay and can move forward confidently now. Stay safe.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

I'm so sorry to hear that. It happens all too often 😔 I hope you are okay and can move forward confidently now. Stay safe.

I'll be fine, it was my first ever experience as a Daddy to a little and hopefully not my last

[Deleted Member]

I must of gotten pretty lucky with mine cause reading this I see/saw no red flags with my current Daddy. He is my first Daddy ever and I have no idea nor does he how we ended up in this relationship. He made me discover that I was a Middle/brat and we have a lot in common. We actually were talking for a year prior to him Domming me 3weeks ago. And me being the smart ass that I am, I put my foot in my mouth and said yes to a collar after the 2 week trial. We talk several times a day on the phone we do when he is off work, he gives me tasks to do and I send him a video or picture of the task that I have completed. We plan on meeting in august for a week after I get my second vaccine and he might be moving here in April.

[Ar****]

13 hours ago, KitsSpitfire said:

I must of gotten pretty lucky with mine cause reading this I see/saw no red flags with my current Daddy. He is my first Daddy ever and I have no idea nor does he how we ended up in this relationship. He made me discover that I was a Middle/brat and we have a lot in common. We actually were talking for a year prior to him Domming me 3weeks ago. And me being the smart ass that I am, I put my foot in my mouth and said yes to a collar after the 2 week trial. We talk several times a day on the phone we do when he is off work, he gives me tasks to do and I send him a video or picture of the task that I have completed. We plan on meeting in august for a week after I get my second vaccine and he might be moving here in April.

That's wonderful news! It really puts a smile on my face to hear positive stories 😊

 

I wish you both all the very best.

[cu****]

How do you find a littles and caregivers group ? I’m new to all this and thought it might be nice to talk to others

[Ar****]

11 hours ago, curiousitybunni said:

How do you find a littles and caregivers group ? I’m new to all this and thought it might be nice to talk to others

I'd initially suggest looking at social media platforms such as FB, there are a wealth of communities for littles and CGs on there. Obviously you need to be careful and there are invariably many would-be predators who try to sneak into said groups and take advantage, but a great many of them are actually run by littles themselves and have strict policies in place to keep members as safe as possible in such an environment - they won't tolerate poor behaviour. I hope you find what you're looking for 😊

[cu****]

Thank you for your help .Does FB mean Facebook ?

[Ar****]

You're welcome@curiousitybunni, yes that's where I mean. Best of luck to you. 

[Ar****]

Discord is another option, although I am personally unfamiliar with it. Several of the admins and moderators from the groups you might find through Facebook also operate their own Discord groups for learning and socialising on. Just always remember to be safe and careful. Enjoy!