Vetting process for littles and caregivers

[Go****]

I think that the DD lg relationship is so misunderstood. And if you think about it why not? First of all it means something different to every person. And because each of the people in these relationships are different, it should be expected that each of the relationships would be different. That really complicates things for people who are trying to move into this type of lifestyle, to submerge into something that is in truth and unknown. I was introduced to this kink about 7 years ago. I remember being so confused about what it is that I should be doing, what it is that I should be expecting that she was doing. I was reading all these forums and articles. Each one seem to have different advice and much of the time the advice was conflicting. I ended up being in that relationship for about a year. And then for the next 6 years in a different DDlg relationship for about 6 years after that. So here are some thoughts. And before I jump into them, let me preface it that these are going to be simple thoughts. It's us who are making everything so complicated but it doesn't have to be. So I will keep this conversation light and hopefully a little bit humorous. :-).

Directly to the question about vetting. This is the simplest one to answer. Talk! We jump on these sites where we know in advance why we're here, so we try to use all these statistics and metrics that they give us defined a perfect match. But we are much more than metrics and statistics. A perfect match on these sites does not in any way indicate that they will be a perfect match in real life. But because that is why we are here, we focus in so deeply on drilling down on those statistics and metrics and we forget to just talk. If you can't talk with a person, how good that person possibly be a good daddy or baby girl. If you've been talking with that person for a little bit and you find that conversation comes easy, that through the conversation you smile, you have fun, then that is the start of something that might be fulfilling. If that daddy or baby girl says all of the things so perfectly in alignment with your statistics and metrics but you're not smiling and having fun, what's the point?

The metrics are still important. Here on this site, they have the BDSM test. On other sites they have other things. In real life before we had these apps, we found the information the old fashioned way, again through talking :-). While finding a connection with the person as talked about in the above paragraph is probably the most important thing. No one thing can ever cement a relationship. And as such there are certain things that we find very important to us. That at our very core we feel a need or a desire to experience or achieve. These apps with their BDSM tests and other questionnaires are great for breaking the ice on subjects that are traditionally taboo. This is especially true for people who might be a little bit shy. They can anonymously answer some questions and let people know things that are important to them in a way that in real life would seem nearly impossible to say. The metrics are important, but if you cannot establish that connection and feel comfortable talking about yourself, your life, your past relationships and what did and did not work and why those things did or did not work, the metrics become useless. You can't imagine how many profiles I see where the person did not take the BDSM test. They put so little information on their profile page that there is no way for potential daddies or little girls to have any idea of whether they should even be contacting that person. I talked about opening up and communicating with your potential daddy or little girl. Sharing experiences in those relationships that brought so much happiness and also the ones that brought so much sadness. Let me give you an example. I was in a relationship for 6 years with such a beautiful baby girl. She had never been in relationship like this but gravitated to it instantly and submerged deeply. She wasn't her thirties, but very insecure. She was lost in life and just wandering through it aimlessly. In this relationship, it made her feel good to be around me all the time. If we were walking somewhere she was holding my thumb. If we were sitting on the couch she was sitting directly next to me leaning against me. She would constantly want to come and sit on my lap. Her mind found a lot of pleasure in that physical touch. You could see a physical difference a mental difference in her at the moment when she would sit on my lap and hug me so tightly. She hated being alone, hated going somewhere on her own. So all of that stuff that I just said as you can imagine was very very important to her. But none of it will show up in the metrics. I could ramble on with all of the things that were important to her, but that would not be helpful to someone reading these forums who is trying to understand how to find happiness in the DDlg realm. What's important is that you look into your life and realize what is important to you. Then go beyond the metrics and share those things that have brought you the most happiness with your potential partner. Share the things that brought you the most sadness with your potential partner. It's for those conversations you will find a better understanding of your compatibility.

Have reasonable expectations. I can't tell you how many times my baby girl said something like this; "Daddy I just need you to be available to me. When my mind starts going crazy and I can't seem to calm down I need to know that you are there. Daddy, I needed you today and when I called it took you 45 minutes to return my call. That made me so sad". And then she would burst out laughing and crying at the same time. Obviously no daddy can be available 24 hours a day. We have meetings and issues come up, technology fails, etc. In that moment she only knew that she needed me so much but she also in the back of her mind knew that the expectation of immediate access 24 hours a day was not possible. We can't control our feelings, they rush upon us like a wave at the beach where they rush past us and before we can react start pulling his back. In that moment sometimes we cannot stop from being pulled back into that scary place. When I said have reasonable expectations, it was not me saying that you must control something that is uncontrollable. Instead, it's the acceptance that for one reason or another are partners will fail at providing something that we thought was necessary. This is the part where having failed to have been there when she needed, I would pull her into my arms push her head onto my shoulder and began to pet her head. It's okay baby girl, you're okay, you did good, everything's okay, I've got you, I really have you. You're safe. The expectation that I would be there every moment was real. But the realization that this was not possible coupled with the second expectation right behind that first one, that I would be there just as soon as possible and that she was number one, nothing in life was more important, and that I would drop her up and make her safe, when we combine all of those things, we have the beginning of a relationship.

Age. So many people never truly make the age they pick important. It's almost like an afterthought. When your vetting someone, there is one question I think that you should always ask/tell and then talk about. Both as a daddy and as a baby girl. What is the age of my little, I have spoken about my baby girl several times now so I will use her in this example as well. She identified with 10. What does that mean to you as you're reading this. Who was she. Also, just as important. And I mean this when I say this, it's just as important is what does that mean to me. To her she looked back in her childhood when she was 10 and she was so happy. She had no responsibilities other than our chores. Her daddy made the decision on where they were going out to eat. Her daddy would let her pick something for the menu but if her daddy felt that she had made a bad choice he might change that order. Wherever they went she would reach up and hold his hand and it was always there for her. If she fell he picked her up. If she cried, he pulled her close, comforted her and her tears sunk deep into his chest, never lost, never forgotten. Her tears after all we're his. She always felt lifted up, like she could do anything. He never forgot to tell her how amazing she was, when she was feeling ugly he pointed out all of the beautiful things that he loved about her. When she was feeling scared or unsure he stepped up behind her braced her motivated her and let her know that he would never let her fail. Never. You all can imagine that that would be really important for your potential daddy to know. Is he looking for that type of relationship. Having said that, it's really important to understand that when she chose the age 10 and told me that those are the things that made her feel like she would want to be a 10-year-old in our relationship, that I might or might not have the same thought processes about what it means or feels like to be a 10-year-old. Additionally, and just as important, when I as a daddy say what my ideal aged little would be, what does that mean to me. I told her I thought 10 was great. Such a beautiful time. So much happiness and joy to be found in that age. By the time most girls are 12, they're already beginning to have attitudes and drama in their life. Sometimes they run to their daddy and bury themselves in his arms, sometimes they tell their daddies how horrible they are because they would not let them go to a party with certain friends. At 10:00 they were still so submissive. But more way more than that. So sweet. For me I love that sweet tenderness. And while I want my little girl to be successful, I get a chance to be a hero when she struggles and I can reach out and lift her up, support her, give her the confidence that she might have been lacking to try again. At 10:00, there's very little talking back if any. They just are so happy in their lives that they can accept direction with a good and glad heart. You can imagine it would be important for the potential partner of mine to know what was important to me. And just as important to not just accept an age but to understand what the age meant to the other person. To her, I was really talking more about a 9-year-old. To her, she still saw a lot of 10-year-olds as beginning to talk back. It wasn't important about the exact age number, what was important was an understanding of what it meant to the person. In the case of a little, the age is not what is important, it's an understanding of the life that they want to live, what they expect from their daddy, and what their daddy can expect from them. All of this is done through talking, communication, etc.

The metrics can help you to understand if they like certain things that might be taboo and in that initial understanding make it easier to talk about those things. Soft and hard limits help us to understand initially things that might be considered taboo and hard to broach the subject, but now you have an initial understanding and can have those conversations. But has your communicating, as you're talking and coming to an understanding. Unless you're profile is marked as a person who's looking just for casual sex or DTF, etc, knowing what somebody likes and knowing what they absolutely don't like is only a baby step in a life of a daddy and his little girl. And let's be honest, how could you have a daddy / little girl relationship, with all the trust that's involved in this type of relationship, with someone that you didn't know and just wanted to hook up with.

Talk to that person that you're vetting. Look for that person to talk in the same way with you. And at different points of your conversations if you're not smiling and laughing then even if all of the metrics lineup, at some point as a little, he will be telling you what a good girl you are, lifting you up and supporting you, but you'll know that it is just words. As a daddy, she will drop down to her knees, pull you close to her, look up into your eyes and tell you that you are her hero, how much she loves you, but whatever act she does next will not be done with a good and glad heart.

Disclaimer, I did voice to text so if there are really crazy little things in there, sorry for that. Hopefully you enjoyed my insights on what I look for when I'm talking with my baby girl/ good girl / little / princess.

PS. Daddy's, never stop calling your little girls princesses. There is so much more in that one word that we as daddy's can never understand. Every little girl grew up wanting to be a princess.