What Respect is to you

[qu****]

Dom, Domme, sub, slave, or just light play, whatever you like, this are all just words, it isnt kink thats important its the PERSON that is. Kink is in reality just a small part of who a person is, the person must always be treated wth respect, who they are and what they do away from kink, only understanding this will truely set you free to follow any desires.

For me walking hand in hand along the beach sharing a bag of chips, or just laying snuggled together on the sofa are far more important than anything, it shows you care, you trust, you respect and yes you love.

 

What does respect mean for you? 

[Carnelian2]

Respect is the cornerstone of any relationship no matter what or where. Without that mutual respect and acceptance, there is nothing. As simple as that.

[Deleted Member]

i sway more towards the definition where it means you are considerate of another person.

[Deleted Member]

I think you are totally wrong.

Titles are not just words, they set the hierarchy and structure of the dynamic, without it you missed the point of bdsm.

The kink is as much important as the person, its because of your inner search for more that you are here or push you to meet others people, its strong enought to forget you are that person.

Some subs, slave deosnt want the respect but the opposite, being treated like the worst creature, as human toilets, pets, rag dolls etc...

The only strong base is Trust. The rest is flexible or malleable throught aggreement before, during and after sessions.

" I trust you that you will respect my limits".

[qu****]

So im wrong because i view things differently to others, and i thought individuality was the cornerstone of persona

[ey****]

I think.... in BDSM titles aren't just words they are titles, whether self-appointed or describing or whatever.   I get what you are saying that people need to be respected, but this can look different depending on the dynamic, the role, the titles.

Overall, I'm not sure what your angle is.  You're not being very clear and this is why it looks like you're wrong.

[qu****]

Quite simply the use of hard names does nothing for me personally, i e sir , miss, master, mistress, ,slut, whore, bitch, i am a quiet person and prefer soft pet names, pumpkin, kitten, whatever, but i believe action show far more repect than words, following manys line of thought about words would mean a person that couldnt speak wouldnt be able to show respect, which is far from the truth

[ey****]

it's not really a question of if it "does" something for you.  These are clear describing words.

 

[Carnelian2]

  21 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

I think you are totally wrong.

Titles are not just words, they set the hierarchy and structure of the dynamic, without it you missed the point of bdsm.

The kink is as much important as the person, its because of your inner search for more that you are here or push you to meet others people, its strong enought to forget you are that person.

Some subs, slave deosnt want the respect but the opposite, being treated like the worst creature, as human toilets, pets, rag dolls etc...

The only strong base is Trust. The rest is flexible or malleable throught aggreement before, during and after sessions.

" I trust you that you will respect my limits".

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I don’t know about that. You are what you are. No title will change that. Titles give a screen to shield oneself behind. No judgement - we all need them for what they give.

[Deleted Member]

I think in lots of ways you are looking at this from a nieve vanilla perspective and in the inviroment of bdsm and D/s dynamics the title is a vocalised description of a mind set.

The dynamic relies on a much deeper trust , understanding and communication than any vanilla relationship and in this there is a deep seated respect whether this is vocalised or not its there at a deep level . 

This is in essence more than the standard social norm because of the huge value of the gift given the responsibility taken it's obvious that you dont understand this and this is just a lack of understanding .

So yes labels matter to that person in the respect of understanding why they are.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Deleted Member

[Carnelian2]

All I meant is that you have to earn the label. I cannot disagree with anything else. 

[Deleted Member]

  On 3/13/2018 at 4:07 PM, quietlysure said:

So im wrong because i view things differently to others, and i thought individuality was the cornerstone of persona

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You are not wrong because you view different, its becasue you dont understand the importance of the title, you dont understand the importance of someone kink. 

You mix vanilla life with bdsm life. They a world apart. Some escape vanilla life throught bdsm life and they want to use the tilte because its a got a strong meaning. 

Respect its before that, once you accept your sub/dom, every aspect of your relation should have been sorted by then. Not because you call someone Sir?

Every words in Bdsm are very important. If you miss that you are not playing safe.

[Deleted Member]

  On 3/14/2018 at 7:40 AM, Carnelian2 said:

I don’t know about that. You are what you are. No title will change that. Titles give a screen to shield oneself behind. No judgement - we all need them for what they give.

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how many time we see a sub being actally in life someone alpha type with big responsibility, staff manager etc? but behind door a sissy/sub tramped by maybe a shy accountant Dom.

A title doesnt change that but enhance it.

I dont think you can hide long enough what you pretend to be ...not in this place anyway.

[Carnelian2]

@Fabseverus - I can relate to what you are saying. If part of they D/s Dynamic is to call someone Sir or whatever title is chosen, that is fine but it is the fact that two people choose to engage in a D/s relationship that matters. Titles help, but as you also say, it is the respect and dynamic of that relTionship which is important.

[qu****]

Well its all meaningless to me anyway, its become apparent im of no interest, in any respect, be it vanilla, kink, or full on BDSM, just because i dont agree with the use of hard titles, doesnt mean i disrespect those that do, far from it, it is down to personal choice, and no disrespect was meant, i still struggle in how to be myself when others constantly try to change me, it is time for me to be just me

[ey****]

everyone should just be themselves.

But, I hate it when you ask someone to describe themselves and it's like "I'm just me"

Well come on.  What do makes you tick? What do you do for fun? What interests you? What makes up your "just me" ?

[Deleted Member]

“It has become apparent I’m of no interest” “others constantly try to change me”

Q, you came to this community asking for help advice and direction. You were given hours and hours of time by people who wanted to help you.  It’s clear by your comments above that you haven’t recognised that advice and by saying you are of “no interest” is disrespectful to all the people who took the time to advise you. 

I hope you do find someone who you can share chips with and call kitten whether they are kinked or not is another matter. 

Eyem’s advice above is the advice you have consistently received over the months you have been here.... which is find what makes you tick/ do something fun/ find an interest. 

Essentially until you find yourself you won’t find anyone else. And to be clear that doesn’t mean anyone is “constantly trying to change you” it means focus on you in a positive way.

You have to find your soul, mate before you find your soulmate.

This advice has been given by people who have been on that journey and can reflect on their experiences and in turn share them with you. This has been a privilege afforded to you and you haven’t recognised it. Which in turn leaves people frustrated with you as it appears you haven’t listened. If you haven’t understood that’s a different matter. 

As always I wish you well and hope you get to share some chips one day with someone.

Fire 🔥 

Edited March 16, 2018 by Deleted Member

[Carnelian2]

@Firewitchwell said

[3S****]

You will get a lot less interest being you also, this is natural as most people are also looking for something specific themselves and it's highly unlikely anyone ticks all their boxes, especially on the internet where you only get one chance to show who/what you are before being rejected or accepted. Most people will accept you for who you are, but tie themselves to you? No.

[Deleted Member]

Firewitch....beautifully put...I think one has to have the courage to be true to oneself first, to work out in your own mind....You have to dig deep to discover yourself..once you have , that could be the start of a journey to finding a soul mate....I would imagine most members at some stage in their life have had to come to terms with who they are and what they love...Advice that members give , in our community is priceless..!..You will not find that sort of advice anywhere...I learnt alot buy reading posts that mentioned or touched on my worries, on personal matters that were important to me in my own journey to discover my true self. ..Just because one does not like what another says or advises...is not a reason to dismiss their comments as of "No Interest"...As it has already been said...Disrespectful !..You might need members support at a later stage...will those same members who tried to help and advise bother again when you really need support..!.Cassie