Am I being niave ?

[Pe****]

Hi I am a bit of newbie when it comes to being a submissive, I was in a relationship and introduced to it by him, he said I was a natural submissive and he was a brilliant dom!! And I absolutely loved all of it and found when we had a child free weekends I'd be jumping at the chance to ask if we could do the kinky stuff haha Sadly due to the stresses of life outside our relationship we decided to call it quits so he could concentrate on the other things. 

Anyway ive been trying the dating game and gotten quite far but I don't think I can go back to vanilla relationships now! I want all the romance in the day but all the kinky stuff at night! That's what I loved about my ex he seemed at first all sweet and innocent and "normal" but when he revealed his kinky side it made him so much more sexier!  But am I niave to think I can be in a committed relationship along with the bdsm ? Because i feel the people I talk to are just wanting sex basically and trying to become my dom from the start and I just find that weird to be honest lol does anyone else feel the same as me??

[Deleted Member]

Why can't it be? The dynamic of the relationship is what you make it, and what you want out of it. There are many people who have a normal day to day life, and then head into their play room when the kids are in bed and asleep. It's not naive at all, but the best of both worlds.

[sc****]

I met my Master on this site and we are in a committed romantic relationship as well as sharing the BDSM side of things. Its very possible to find someone on here, good luck! : ) x

[ey****]

it is of course possible - but - there's a lot of guys who, frankly, don't have a clue.

they have this vision of what the relationships look like which are far from the reality of what works (i.e. they think only of their own needs forgetting the sub also has needed)

my wife and I have a relationship like the one you described, but it took a lot of building up to get there.   You may have more luck meeting people whom are actually switched on at munches or events.

[TxxxTom]

Your not alone I feel exactly the same.

1 hour ago, Jeff36 said:

Why can't it be? The dynamic of the relationship is what you make it, and what you want out of it. There are many people who have a normal day to day life, and then head into their play room when the kids are in bed and asleep. It's not naive at all, but the best of both worlds.

 

[3S****]

I'm not submissive but feel the same, like how can i dominate someone i don't even know? I can do the kink but not the whole caboodle as i need time to gauge people. And i hate being fetishized as a person so don't wanna do the kink thing from the off.

 

I think the people expecting something BDSM straight away are naive.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, 712i826 said:

I'm not submissive but feel the same, like how can i dominate someone i don't even know? I can do the kink but not the whole caboodle as i need time to gauge people. And i hate being fetishized as a person so don't wanna do the kink thing from the off.

 

I think the people expecting something BDSM straight away are naive.

amen.

absolutely.

[Deleted Member]

I am also very fortunate to be in the type of relationship you have described and it’s womderful and it can happen. 

As already stated, be clear about what you want. Start out with talking/ dating and see if you like them first. Shared value and shared approaches all mean you will begin the relationship on the right footing. 

Follow your instinct- if it doesn’t feel right or you have a question that cannot be answered - be brave and step away.  As soon as sex/ kink involved pulling away will be harder. 

The right one will be patient/ Understanding and a good Dom will want to know all about you but also- make sure you know all about him. 

A D type may look at sound like a Dom but be careful he isn’t domineering (big red flag). Spending time reading and asking questions like you are doing is the best approach. 

A munch/ meet up sounds like a great idea- maybe find someone on here in your area who you could go with as friends. 

In the meantime, watch videos, learn what you like- what those things are called, experiment and have fun!

Good luck 

Fire 🔥 

[kittenheels1968]

hi, new to this site, but anything but new to bdsm. been with Master 3 years, getting married in a year or so (cos people don't have ownership papers and you can't adopt a 49 year old lol) we met on another bdsm site 

the thing about relationships is they take time. yes you can get together day 1 and 'play' or you can go on a date and be all 'nilla and hope he/she is kinky as fuck... its never easy, its a minefield, but be assured theres just as many Doms out there looking for their forever girl as there is subs looking for their forever Sir (and every other combination) our biggest difficulty the way i see it is we have so many additional requirements than vanilla folk, cos we have all theirs (must like walks on the beach, fine dining etc) but then we also have our kinky requirements, so it IS harder to find mr/ms right for us. but it is possible and imo the best way is on sites like these where we can see the people with similar needs up front. unfortunately that does mean weeding through the fantasists and those just here for titilation. but hey ho, anything worth having is worth putting in a bit of effort. 

[Deleted Member]

Don’t give up @PetitePrincess. 

The key is to take your time getting to know a Dominant properly, before there’s any power exchange. 

The guys just after sex will move on when they don’t get quick satisfaction. 

Saying that, I do recommend getting offline and into your local or nearby bdsm communities. Many people can hide behind a fake persona online - say exactly the right things, but be living in a fantasy land with no real intention of making it real life. 

Good luck