Fetish Help

[Chaz-8373]

Hi, I’m 20 Male and never had a relationship really before. I’m worried about my fetish. I have a big *** fetish and I’m very concerned about it as I want to be able to cum to more vanilla stuff, I don’t want my relationship tarnished by a girl humiliating me to cum. I want a loving wife, a family, kids. I want to be able to get off to more vanilla things. Cause I’m not 100% submissive like I don’t want to get put in chastity or anything physical. I’m a decent average size of just under 6 inches. 
 

My Kinks are sph, being laughed at and being humiliated. I often go on Omegle text chat and Twitter to get my ***.  But I used to get off to more vanilla stuff such as strip teases and girls just dancing when I was younger. 
 

I’d just like some advice :( cause it worry’s me my sex life will be a mess with all this going on.

[Deleted Member]

It’s not going to be a mess ....you will find a decent human being that will understand sex life and daily life are separate things
Everyone has kinks and fetishes
Me for example am a little and non of my partners accepted it
I tried to change it so hard but you like what you like
Make peace with it and just try to enjoy it

[Si****]

I’ve found that embracing something helps it settle down. The more you make a big deal about it (worrying) the more it’s going to be at the forefront of your mind and the more you’re only going to focus on cumming to it. Accept that it’s part of your desires but isn’t your only desire and it will settle down. Most things in life go through that peak moment where it’s consuming of your thoughts and energy and then it evens out and settles. Enjoy it, embrace it, and then keep on going with your life.

[JessieMay]

I would say that by looking closer at this fetish rather than pushing it away you may learn something about yourself. If you can begin to understand and accept yourself you will be much more able to understand and accept your partner and potentially find a much stronger and more authentic relationship. Try reading Erotic Mind.

[cautiousswitch]

Put the fetish aside and pursue a vanilla relationship for a while. 

[pomonagirl]

abstaining from pornography can help with real life relationships and sexual relationships.

[Wo****]

16 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

Put the fetish aside and pursue a vanilla relationship for a while. 

Why?

Isn't that just denying who you are?

22 hours ago, Chaz said:

Hi, I’m 20 Male and never had a relationship really before. I’m worried about my fetish. I have a big *** fetish and I’m very concerned about it as I want to be able to cum to more vanilla stuff, I don’t want my relationship tarnished by a girl humiliating me to cum. I want a loving wife, a family, kids. I want to be able to get off to more vanilla things. Cause I’m not 100% submissive like I don’t want to get put in chastity or anything physical. I’m a decent average size of just under 6 inches. 
 

My Kinks are sph, being laughed at and being humiliated. I often go on Omegle text chat and Twitter to get my ***.  But I used to get off to more vanilla stuff such as strip teases and girls just dancing when I was younger. 
 

I’d just like some advice cause it worry’s me my sex life will be a mess with all this going on.

SPH is a fairly common fetish. 

May be worth trying to bring it up with potential partners. Do you need to be humiliated to cum? Is it just SPH?

 

Why would your relationship be tarnished? Done with willing consent it can bring a whole new intimacy to a relationship.

Our kinks and quirks are what sets us apart, you just wanna find someone else whose kinks and quirks match yours.

[cautiousswitch]

1 hour ago, Bounty said:

Why?

Isn't that just denying who you are?

He is worried that he is losing interest in vanilla sex.  That is as much a part of who he is as his interest in kink.  Set kink aside, rekindle the desire for vanilla, then try to fit kink back in in a more balanced way.

 

[Chaz-8373]

3 hours ago, Bounty said:

Why?

Isn't that just denying who you are?

SPH is a fairly common fetish. 

May be worth trying to bring it up with potential partners. Do you need to be humiliated to cum? Is it just SPH?

 

Why would your relationship be tarnished? Done with willing consent it can bring a whole new intimacy to a relationship.

Our kinks and quirks are what sets us apart, you just wanna find someone else whose kinks and quirks match yours.

Thanks I guess :) think a big problem for me is not having a sexual experience really yet in my life and not having a relationship before due to my shyness when I was younger. 
 

The worry is for me that sph/*** is going to be the only thing I can ever get hard to. I also realise the. Ore I worry about it, the more it probably effects me. Doesn’t help that I suffer with ocd quite badly so it sticks in my mind.

[ol****]

Chaz,

You need to decide what you want most or what road feels right.

Watching vanilla porn is not about real life sex. Watching sph porn is not about real life sex.

The only thing you can learn is that the size of cocks seems to vary a lot from one man to the next.

If you actually like to be humiliated by a sexual partner then you need to embrace that fact. It does not define you, at best, it defines a small facet of you.

[Pennypecker]

7 hours ago, Chaz said:

. Doesn’t help that I suffer with ocd quite badly so it sticks in my mind.

I also have OCD (recently diagnosed) and one technique my therapist told me of that may be helpful here is called Bossing Back. Basicly when the obsessive thoughts jump in instead of fighting it or stuffing it I go with it, boss it back follow it all the way down the path till it becomes almost silly. If you want more details I can try to explain better! 

 

The other thing I wanted to add (and I am no expert in the lifestyle as I am just coming to terms with my predilection) is this, you are YOU and when you find the right person for you then it will all work. I've spent years YEARS wrestling with my desires and keeping them pretty stuffed down since they did not feel acceptable to my lifestyle. After alot of work with my therapist I spoke to my husband who didnt freak out like I thought (and also was not shocked at all LOL) he is willing to try things out with me and make things work because that is what a relationship is! That is how relationships work. I am confident that with work you will find a person who will love you enough to figure it out with you!!!

[Chaz-8373]

15 minutes ago, Pennypecker said:

I also have OCD (recently diagnosed) and one technique my therapist told me of that may be helpful here is called Bossing Back. Basicly when the obsessive thoughts jump in instead of fighting it or stuffing it I go with it, boss it back follow it all the way down the path till it becomes almost silly. If you want more details I can try to explain better! 

 

The other thing I wanted to add (and I am no expert in the lifestyle as I am just coming to terms with my predilection) is this, you are YOU and when you find the right person for you then it will all work. I've spent years YEARS wrestling with my desires and keeping them pretty stuffed down since they did not feel acceptable to my lifestyle. After alot of work with my therapist I spoke to my husband who didnt freak out like I thought (and also was not shocked at all LOL) he is willing to try things out with me and make things work because that is what a relationship is! That is how relationships work. I am confident that with work you will find a person who will love you enough to figure it out with you!!!

Yeah like I said I think getting a relationship and meeting someone will help a lot as I find it hard to really find people to talk about how I feel about my fetish and kinks. It’s hard to find someone with lockdown and all. I think acceptance of it would be great. I also worry how do I know if I’ve found the right person for me with so many people in the world. It’s all very confusing for me sorry 😞 

[Pennypecker]

Just now, Chaz said:

Yeah like I said I think getting a relationship and meeting someone will help a lot as I find it hard to really find people to talk about how I feel about my fetish and kinks. It’s hard to find someone with lockdown and all. I think acceptance of it would be great. I also worry how do I know if I’ve found the right person for me with so many people in the world. It’s all very confusing for me sorry 😞 

dont apologize I do not envy you the dating process is hard, scary and not easy! Are you seeing someone for your OCD? Remember alot of the obsessive thoughts and concerns are really "just" the OCD <3 
 

[Chaz-8373]

3 minutes ago, Pennypecker said:

dont apologize I do not envy you the dating process is hard, scary and not easy! Are you seeing someone for your OCD? Remember alot of the obsessive thoughts and concerns are really "just" the OCD <3 
 

I’m on medication and I’ve been suffering with anxiety, ocd and Tourette’s since my early ***s. I also believe some of my problems come from masturbation to these fetish’s/kinks almost daily. Mainly due to lockdown boredom. 

[Pennypecker]

6 minutes ago, Chaz said:

I’m on medication and I’ve been suffering with anxiety, ocd and Tourette’s since my early ***s. I also believe some of my problems come from masturbation to these fetish’s/kinks almost daily. Mainly due to lockdown boredom. 

may also be partly due to you labeling it a problem  

 

I was really interested to learn how OCD is really another form of Anxiety! 

 

Another thing to remember is that just b/c you enjoy or dont enjoy something via watching or reading it does not mean that will be the case when your in person with someone you truly care for

[Chaz-8373]

31 minutes ago, Pennypecker said:

may also be partly due to you labeling it a problem  

 

I was really interested to learn how OCD is really another form of Anxiety! 

 

Another thing to remember is that just b/c you enjoy or dont enjoy something via watching or reading it does not mean that will be the case when your in person with someone you truly care for

So what you’re saying is when I do meet the person I care for my *** kink/fetish may not be as big as it is and that I may enjoy other things? Cause tbh thats what a big part of the worry about my kink has been.

[Pennypecker]

Yep! And it may still be something you want/need sometimes or all the time and that does not have to be a problem either!