Deleted Member Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 I was chatting with a potential when she raised the question about how a sub perceived what really is dominance. It started first with her not showing any pics, so that bland blank canevas, and told her that I also have a sensitive job but at least I put some pics on my profile, to show others I am real and engaging to have a serious relationship. Now I know some pics could be fake and we saw that many times on here, but usually they disappear after a while. Thanks for the site profile verified. She wasn’t. then sent pics etc on another platform because she couldn’t not send in here. after few sentences she declared she doesn’t think we are a match as my job is not high rank 🤷♂️😅 ok thanks for that, few ten thousands in U.K. would be glad to know our job is worthless for someone! anyway why my job would have an impact of my ability to be a Dom and a good one too? I had a few chat with subs who have high profile in their work place and no doubt they wanted to be a sub not domming be ! As I am sure there are few ceo who get humiliate and bollock crushed by some Domme. So is it the 50shades syndrome for you or your ideal Dom just need to be skilled, knowledgeable and safe to be with? Even if he’s a baker or cleaner ?
Mo**** Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 Job does not enter my head in D/s. Rank/position in your vanilla life does not indicate dominance or submission. In vanilla life I have a lot of responsibility, have to make decisions, think about others constantly and what they need to be doing.....I like to submit because it takes all that away. If you click with someone, it's so rare why make it more difficult if you only want high flying exec's? Makes no sense to me. Safety, knowledge, trust are the most important things surely?
Deleted Member Posted March 19, 2021 Author Posted March 19, 2021 I can’t say I am surprised that some women would seek this. It shows a very stereotyped idea of d/s. That D-types must be alpha and super successful in vanilla life. Is that someone you’d want to dominate anyway? 🤷🏻♀️
Deleted Member Posted March 19, 2021 Author Posted March 19, 2021 @Morganna exactly what I thought. Thanks for your input @Curvykate you know me, not a second, plus she sent me a pic with a messy room in the background and a horrible wall colour. Tidy and clean sub show some character and that’s important to me. Any subs thinking the job or *** got something to do with a Ds relationship need to learn more.
Mo**** Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 @FabSeverus oh dear a messy bedroom and horrible wall colour! I'd definitely be in trouble! But then I am in the process of decorating, and stripping wallpaper has revealed bright orange walls underneath
Deleted Member Posted March 19, 2021 Author Posted March 19, 2021 It isn’t the case for me but maybe it is for her. Maybe for her to want to submit she needs someone to be financially dominant. Perhaps that’s the part that turns her on. *** is power after all (but not the ONLY way to have power)....or it could be the stereotype thing like you said. I see you’re now putting her down by commenting publicly about her room/mess. Maybe the whole thing hurt your ego a little tad bit.
Mi**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 While I don't think having a particular job affects your ability to be a good dom or not. I think it is a reasonable thing for a sub to ask about. In general, my subs have been very into/turned on by how high profile/level I am professionally. I found this to be the case well before 50 shades. It may be stereotypical, but there are absolutely subs who look for that in a dominant or at least consider it a very attractive attribute. At least she was upfront about it to start...either way it sounds like it wasn't a good match. P.S. I also find mess in the background of pictures off-putting (at least that is something easily corrected)...
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 It's laughable, or at least would be if it wasn't so serious. Another member wrote a post called "Dial a Dom" a couple of years ago that basically said exactly the same as you. Where there is criteria for what a Dom should be, look like, career etc, but forgetting the most basic of things, like common basic decency, an awareness of consent and care, knowledge to keep play safe etc, you know the things that really do matter, or at least should. As with some Doms, a partner it seems for submissives aswell, can be a trophy of sorts, something to show off, and someone who can treat them in the manner they perceive they deserve. For me those like that, seek more of a Daddy type of dynamic/relationship, as it's seems to be more about what you can do for them, compared to what you BOTH can do for each other.
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 And i meant S U G A R Daddy, but for some reason the site doesn't like the word.
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 6 hours ago, hawaii-national192 said: I see you’re now putting her down by commenting publicly about her room/mess. Maybe the whole thing hurt your ego a little tad bit. Not at all. More like I found it laughable someone having high expectations for a Dom but live in a mess. So it wasn’t a match for me either. Also let’s keep focused on the subject thanks
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 (edited) There is psychology behind relationships of any kind. And sadly transaction does come into it. I’m sure some have idealistic notions or precise ideas what they are looking for. I used to be all about how someone made me feel, after years in a relationship where I learned to feel nothing at all. But now I’m able to be a bit more objective. Can a person offer what I need right now? Why compromise my needs? (It’s in my nature and I’m learning not to). I mean, even I have toyed with the idea of a S U G A R daddy. In fact I once joined a site to find one, only to realise they weren’t real. And whilst the idea of being swept off my feet entices me. It would not be enough if the person did not have depth of character or treat me as an equal. I don’t want to bought. I want to be earned. But if I am ever earned by a rich CEO and he wants to fund my publishing and jaunts around the world. I’m in. Oh I do love to ramble when I wake up early and can’t get back to sleep. Anyway. I guess my point was we all have expectations and we can’t expect to fit everyone. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just life. Why worry? Breathe it out. Do some yoga 🤣 Edited March 20, 2021 by Deleted Member
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 While I was involved in the question, my post was more about what people think about the concept rather than complain, being bothered, or insulted about it. I am not easily insulted or affected, I ride through it 🐺
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: While I was involved in the question, my post was more about what people think about the concept rather than complain, being bothered, or insulted about it. I am not easily insulted or affected, I ride through it 🐺 You sure 🤔 keep riding through then... i did also explain my thoughts in it... you are a sensitive one aren’t you?
Carnelian2 Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 @FabSeveruswell, the attitude you are describing it complete nuts! .. I really don't know what to say, which does not happen often! I mean, there is so much nuance in who each of us is that outside factors mean very little. Also, do people really know what they want? Someone may want a Dom to take care of every little aspect of their lives so they don't have to take responsibility for anything. Yet, what they may need is someone who, whilst being Dominant, enables them to take control of their own lives with the support of the other person.
Mo**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 12 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: While I was involved in the question, my post was more about what people think about the concept rather than complain, being bothered, or insulted about it. I am not easily insulted or affected, I ride through it 🐺 I thought it was an interesting question and I took your comment about her living space at face value.....if she has very high standards for who she involves herself with, then she may be expected to have high standards from whoever she interacts with. I hope that came across right. My own comment about the state of my room was acknowledgement that if I sent pictures of it now in the background people may very well judge because it doesn't look great!
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 13 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said: @FabSeveruswell, the attitude you are describing it complete nuts! .. I really don't know what to say, which does not happen often! I mean, there is so much nuance in who each of us is that outside factors mean very little. Also, do people really know what they want? Someone may want a Dom to take care of every little aspect of their lives so they don't have to take responsibility for anything. Yet, what they may need is someone who, whilst being Dominant, enables them to take control of their own lives with the support of the other person. I am glad you agree? And this is why I raised the question on what’s important for the sub or how they based their choice first? btw daddy are different types....
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Morganna said: I sent pictures of it now in the background people may very well judge because it doesn't look great! During lockdown people don’t have any excuses it should be perfectly clean and tidy 😂.
Wo**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 13 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: During lockdown people don’t have any excuses it should be perfectly clean and tidy 😂. Some of us are too busy having sex... That point when you wake up in the morning, tiptoe through the whips, shackles, and various discarded toys... Then the discussion over coffee about tidy up or just play again? Guess which one we go for? 😆
ey**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 I think people have their fantasy trait in what they'd want from their Dominant or submissive. The CEO thing sounds a little bit 50 shades but it could be in this person they see Business Success as being a Dominant or powerful trait. I think maybe they're shooting a bit high - but - I know some would desire a Dominant who has their shit together
Mo**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 21 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: During lockdown people don’t have any excuses it should be perfectly clean and tidy 😂. Ah if only I was at home all day to tidy 🤣
ol**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 Ah, just part of the rich life a Dom leads. Who cares, this sub had her view. It's her view, good for her.
Deleted Member Posted March 20, 2021 Author Posted March 20, 2021 3 hours ago, Bounty said: Some of us are too busy having sex... That point when you wake up in the morning, tiptoe through the whips, shackles, and various discarded toys... Then the discussion over coffee about tidy up or just play again? Guess which one we go for? 😆 Fair point bounty 😈😅
Si**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 It doesn’t matter how much *** comes in, its how one chooses to spend it that says more. However, I think that people who have a firm hand on the tiller of their life are more likely to have a better mindset in how they spend their ***. To be able to burden the responsibility of someone else who wants you to be in control and take charge, one has to be able to already carry their own life’s burdens. The image of a psychiatrist bursting into tears and running from the room when their client says something ever so slightly sad pops to mind. Just not all that reassuring. lol
Phoenyx Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 This brings-up one the great contradictions of modern society. It is really all about the culture and the social caste into which someone is born. A D-type raised in the affluent lap of suburbia, has a much better chance to become a successful CEO or entrepreneur. They are surrounded by family, relatives, and neighbors who are well-versed in the corporate culture. They are taught all of the right mannerisms, the right things to say, and the ways to properly "project an image". By adulthood, they know how to "play the game". And, they have access to most of the resources that they will need---***, schooling, connections, etc... However, for someone born to the working class, the realities can be much different. A dominant personality can prove to be a curse in the working caste. They may be viewed as a threat by managers and potential employers. "Extra effort" only seems to get them into trouble. They become shunned and marginalized. They are accused of "not plying the game", when they may have no clue what that "game" is supposed to be. They are not properly accepting their position as part of the "subordinate class". Popular culture and media tend to perpetuate the stereotype of the "successful" D-type. At the same time, those stuck living hand-to-mouth are vilified, as being "lazy" and "stupid". How can one "invest in the future", when all resources are consumed by food and rent? If one were to believe movies, TV, and magazines, a true dominant could never come from the under classes. As a result, society continues to waste the talents and possible contributions of those not born into the proper social strata.
Si**** Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 4 minutes ago, Phoenyx said: This brings-up one the great contradictions of modern society. It is really all about the culture and the social caste into which someone is born. A D-type raised in the affluent lap of suburbia, has a much better chance to become a successful CEO or entrepreneur. They are surrounded by family, relatives, and neighbors who are well-versed in the corporate culture. They are taught all of the right mannerisms, the right things to say, and the ways to properly "project an image". By adulthood, they know how to "play the game". And, they have access to most of the resources that they will need---***, schooling, connections, etc... However, for someone born to the working class, the realities can be much different. A dominant personality can prove to be a curse in the working caste. They may be viewed as a threat by managers and potential employers. "Extra effort" only seems to get them into trouble. They become shunned and marginalized. They are accused of "not plying the game", when they may have no clue what that "game" is supposed to be. They are not properly accepting their position as part of the "subordinate class". Popular culture and media tend to perpetuate the stereotype of the "successful" D-type. At the same time, those stuck living hand-to-mouth are vilified, as being "lazy" and "stupid". How can one "invest in the future", when all resources are consumed by food and rent? If one were to believe movies, TV, and magazines, a true dominant could never come from the under classes. As a result, society continues to waste the talents and possible contributions of those not born into the proper social strata. I grew up in a single parent council house with my mum only just managing to food after paying the rent/bills. No holidays or flash gifts on birthdays or Christmas. I have a poor education (excluding everything I’ve done as an adult) I now own/run three businesses part time. However, I don’t have a flash car any more, or a big house in the country with a swimming pool. No none of that anymore. I downgraded out of choice because I didn’t want all of those things. Why work hard (60-hour weeks) to pay for a large house that sits empty all day because you’re at work earning the *** to pay for it? I have no kids (didn’t want them) so why have 6 bedrooms? my old swimming pool cost me £3k a year to run and maintain, Why? I only used it a couple of times a year. I was always working so had to pay a gardener come do my garden which looked great but I was never there to enjoy it (busy at work to pay them gardeners). I don’t want to keep up with the Joneses, their twats. lol I know that there is more to life than watching the bank account and having to spend *** on a silly fake image. I can honestly say, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with less. I sleep very well at night knowing I have *** saved in the bank so life can throw what it likes at me, I have it cover. Not because I had a privileged start in life but because I took hold of my life and drove it where I wanted it to go.
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