Sub with Anxiety

March 27, 2021

I’m new to the sub/dom life, but i have really bad social anxiety like, don’t go out to eat, shop online, have groceries delivered, talking to a clerk, even messaging someone first is hard
I want to go to local events and there is one 2 blocks from my place once a week, and ive gone to the restaurant 3 times and never had the courage to go in.
Any advice?
Im thinking about asking my 2 friends to go with me but they are in a private dynamic and i have no idea how to ask them.
Any advice?

March 27, 2021

At any munches or events there are always some chaperones you could ask to help you, either to get familiar with the evening and relax. You could wear a mask if it’s an event or ask the munch organiser if you could wear one because of your anxiety. It would help if you know people can’t see you.

March 27, 2021

contact the munch organiser - this type of thing is common and honestly there will be others at the munch who are, or have been, in a similar boat

if you arrive early, it might be less daunting as there will be fewer people

Or, there'd be nothing to stop you going in and not sitting with the munch, maybe waiting a few minutes and then join when you feel comfortable

March 28, 2021

As Fab had said it is not at all uncommon for chaperones to introduce people on their first time at a munch.
This can often be set up via email or messages etc.
So your first contact will not actually be face to face and there is a good chance you can have a quick email exchange with your chaperone to explain the situation if you are cool with that.

In most cases, at least in the UK, we make an effort at munches to be as inclusive as possible.

Good luck and I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised at how normal, kinky and friendly everyone is.

May 1, 2021

I have a question mainly bc I relate so much to this post. I’ve wanted so badly to get involved for years but can never get past my anxiety. How do I find people in my community to meet or connect with and start building some friendships? I was hurt before by trusting the wrong person and I’ve always wanted to find a Dom but I’m afraid of being hurt again. I’m very new and want to stay safe while I learn. Any help would be appreciated.

May 1, 2021

15 hours ago, coll1125 said:

I have a question mainly bc I relate so much to this post. I’ve wanted so badly to get involved for years but can never get past my anxiety. How do I find people in my community to meet or connect with and start building some friendships? I was hurt before by trusting the wrong person and I’ve always wanted to find a Dom but I’m afraid of being hurt again. I’m very new and want to stay safe while I learn. Any help would be appreciated.

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Pace yourself. Start seeking local groups or virtual munches in you area and slowly build foundations with others. Or just dip your toes into the FET pool and get to know people. I can say this is def a solid community that has been nothing short of supportive and compassionate.

That's coming from a Master with high anxiety and some trauma. You got this.

May 2, 2021

Hi, I'm replying because I definitely relate to this. I've been in a platonic for almost 12 years, so as much as I want to get out there, I'm extremely nervous of people. I'd actually prefer to hang out in more of a group environment than be stressed with one on one. I noticed you mentioned having a chaperone, I love this idea. Is there anywhere I can find out if there's something local to me?

July 5, 2021

I would love to find a munch or something like that as I am extremely submissive and want to meet someone who is right for me. I've tried looking up to see if there are any around me but I usually find more suggestions for restaurants than anything. As you can probably tell I have no idea what I am doing. I also want to stay safe. I too struggle with social anxiety and hope that it won't get in the way so if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I live in Houston Texas btw if that makes any difference

July 6, 2021

9 hours ago, Aluvis said:

I would love to find a munch or something like that as I am extremely submissive and want to meet someone who is right for me. I've tried looking up to see if there are any around me but I usually find more suggestions for restaurants than anything. As you can probably tell I have no idea what I am doing. I also want to stay safe. I too struggle with social anxiety and hope that it won't get in the way so if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I live in Houston Texas btw if that makes any difference

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So - in the UK we usually have munches in pubs that serve food

in the US I know a lot of restaurants and grills are used. The website (all one word) find a munch - might be able to give a bit of a hand finding stuff.

July 14, 2021

Fellow sub here! When was younger I was mega shy (and my excuse was i'm shy) to even talk on the phone to order a taxi, I would give the phone to my ex as she was nore talkative... Later on I started coming out of my shell when I started being comfortable with who I was. This isn't really related to kinky stuff but more life in general.

I swear by it and it took time but I ***d myself to hang around out-going people and I slowly became confident with myself, my body, my voice, my walk, my dress sense as this was all me and then I slowly started taking charge of my life. This was over a period of 2 years for me but it changed the course of my life for the better.

My ex gave me this, the person with no self respect will never be properly respected by their ***rs (it is generalised) but it hit home. I saw this as I need to project my self confidence outwards (by walking my walk, talking my talk, being the real me).

And may be another thing helped me was to know that most people are nosey but just don't care (I find many people talk more but listen less, this is golden as the focus is on them not you😉).

But i'm only 22 and have many years to go to observe human behaviours. I really hope this helps as nobody wants to be in the hole of social anxiety.

July 15, 2021

Im also an hardcore introvert, that increased by submissive side, im from india, i want to meet a mistress who can take care of me and train me as her slave but i cant find anyone that are purely intrested, all domina i connected with untill now are either fake or want ***, im slowly loosing my interest to my mistress, and it is making me very anxious because i cannot cope with real world it makes me nervous, can someone advice me where can i find genuine femdom females who dont ask for *** or a scam

July 15, 2021

9 hours ago, puppy555 said:

can someone advice me where can i find genuine femdom females who dont ask for *** or a scam

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easy - you can't find a Mistress because you're hooked on negging like "genuine Femdom" and accuse people who cannot offer what you want as being "fake"

July 16, 2021

I don't want to offend anyone just sharing my experience, as im new here can you share some of your insights, thank you😇

July 16, 2021

15 hours ago, puppy555 said:

I don't want to offend anyone just sharing my experience, as im new here can you share some of your insights, thank you😇

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basically - one of the first steps is to look at what things are - and what they are not

there are lot of amazing people in the world. and, not all of them will be interested in you

that's ok. you shouldn't be interested in all of them either

but that doesn't make you fake. if a woman contacted you and you just didn't find yourselves compatible, you wouldn't be fake

and it's the same the other way

men often feel they are deserved a chance - we all like to think this way - but - there has to be something. there has to be something about us that makes someone go "ok, this guy is worth knowing"

because if you can't offer that, people will not be interested in you (those you call fake) or will want *** to converse (those you call scammers)

how you do this is on you - there's a whole wealth of reading on this very site, take some time and invest in your own learning.

July 17, 2021

Yes i will do that, that you for your advice

December 5, 2021

Hi I am a sub but I have never told anyone that I know because I have been embarrassed by it. But now I would really like to find a female dom to have a relationship with but I have social anxiety and I don’t socialise

July 19, 2023

Hi so open communication helps. Most events have volunteers helping people to get around also with anxiety or autism for example these roles are sometimes combined with safety angels. Try to contact a local event host if they have people who help. If an event doesnt have some appointed usually called angels you should be a little more cautious and i wouldn't advise to go alone. Hope this helps. And you can enjoy your first event. :)

September 3, 2023

You could meet someone here and go with them either as a friend or a “date”
to just check it out at first.

September 3, 2023

I have some of the same issues, i don't mind going out in public to stores and stuff bc it's easy to get lost in a crowd and never have to talk to anyone, but when it comes to meeting people/dating i literally will NEVER message someone first, make the first move, etc. bc it's just too uncomfortable. Luckily as a sub/bottom that personality is very socially acceptable. So while it was awkward to walk into a club at first, all i did was stand around and wait for someone to talk to me. Now if you're too uncomfortable interacting w people AT ALL that probably won't solve that problem, maybe public clubs just aren't your scene, but if it's just initiating interactions or taking that first step in going in the first place, it may help to know you can be very passive about it, literally just go in but not have to do or say anything. It sounds much harder to be a dom and be expected to make the first move but be afraid to. If bringing friends with would make you feel more comfortable that sounds like a great idea and they'd prob be happy to help a friend navigate their 1st time in the lifestyle if they're into it too.

January 8, 2024

I have this issue as well I want to go to clubs but won't go alone

January 8, 2024

Yeah social anxiety sucks, for me, the hardest thing in the world is starting a conversation, I never know what to say. Plus because I’m vision impaired as well. I can never be 100% sure. Someone is actually talking to me if I’m out in a public place it’s super awkward.

January 11, 2024

Also a sub with anxiety. Sending hugs

January 28, 2024

Sub with anxiety and panic attacks sending hugs social anxiety socks so bad I used to go to events but ever since anxiety am panic attacks started haven't been able to set foot near Munches or events again even talking to people in big crowds can set it off

January 29, 2024

as a coach, one of the most common causes, i see of social anxiety is a *** of what people will think of me. the beauty of events in this lifestyle is that one can put on a character and become whoever they want. Many times, kink partners do not have connection in their normal SFW lives. Especially in the beginning, this kind of compartmentalization can help tremendously. What happens in the red room, stays in the red room.