Deleted Member Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 I've been intrigued by the BDSM lifestyle for quite sometime now. I went through a few partners I thought would be the right Dom for me. Finally, I feel I found the man I can submit to. Typing this now, I feel kind of stupid but what the hell? Now that it's time to submit, I've realized I really don't know how outside of the bedroom. I'm a strong woman. That's not to say that I see submission as a weakness, much to the contrary, I think it takes great strength and trust. My problem is surrendering my control. I'm not sure I know how to do that. Any advice/words of wisdom/etc., I would love it!
Foxter Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 So you are wanting to be submissive outside the bedroom as well? I suggest starting by keeping it in the bedroom first, see what works and what doesn't, and slowly submit to him that way. Rather than jumping in at the deep end and becoming more of a 24/7 submissive. You will then naturally feel more submissive outside the bedroom. A good way to be submissive outside the bedroom is by having rules that the sub follows. There's so many you can have and can slowly add to them making you more submissive day by day. Rules can range from him picking what you wear, or you having to get permission to go the bathroom or eat ect. Another is always let him have is way (unless it's an agreed limit) This can mean he can take it you to the bedroom whenever he feels like it. This can keep you feeling submissive all the time, knowing he can use you at any time. Punishments are a great way to keep someone submissive, if failing on rules or tasks the person should be punished. If a lack of punishments happen, the submissive feels that they can keep getting away with things, and in term not actually feeling very submissive at all. So I just suggest, take it slow and build it up. Surrendering control can only happen when the dominant takes charge. You can't just submit when nothing is planned out, as there would be nothing to submit to.
ey**** Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 how to do outside the bedroom - there's no hard pressed answer unfortunately... but that's good. You can define your relationship and your rules and how full on it is between yourselves. No two relationships are the same. If you get a bit unsure, sometimes going out and about to munches and events and meeting other couples in the same boat to find what works for them and take things from there. This will, overall, be a slow process - but - the journey is part of the fun. Just remember, you'll both make mistakes on the way - there'll be good days and bad, it's all about how you pick yourselves up from there.
Carnelian2 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 Take your time. Define boundaries, then push these. Small steps - you might find that it grows on you. Being submissive is not being weak or indecisive - rather the opposite. You chose to give your submission as a gift.
Deleted Member Posted March 23, 2018 Author Posted March 23, 2018 (edited) Some things we do: I will text Sir to say where I'm going and what I'm doing in the day (I like him knowing my day and he likes to know I'm safe) He sets me a bedtime (which I often don't do- naughty!) He will naturally take over and I let him, this might be seen by many as old fashioned ways.... opening doors for me/ helping me put my jacket on/ choosing what to eat or cook.... also in response I will ask him (I have lots of serious decisions to make in my job and not having to do this at home is perfect and a happy submission for me) Sexually I am his and he will take what he wants whenever he wants (I am happy to make him happy) Sir has been in dynamics previously that have been more prescriptive, where he has sought to assert more control, however he found that this was not sustainable. Therefore I am strongly of the view that I am benefiting from his hindsight which has been a massive positive for our relationship. I hope you find your balance and I wish you all the luck in the world Fire🔥 Edited March 23, 2018 by Deleted Member
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