Vetting potential Doms/daddies

[CherryP]

I’m very new to kink and I’m trying to educate myself on how to find a good dom/daddy.  I’m learning that there are lots of “fake” doms/daddies so I understand the need for vetting.  
 

What are good questions to ask during the vetting process.  Any advice from experienced subs and doms will greatly be appreciated.  

[Ni****]

A good Dom/Daddy should be asking you lots of questions, not just about kinky you, but vanilla you. And you should be free to ask whatever questions you have. As to what questions; it's all about finding a compatible Dom for You, because every Dom and Sub is different.

Ask about experience, their and your Limits, Safeword use and immediate acceptance of, what are their kinks, and do they match yours, Aftercare, etc.

The key thing is not to rush into anything, despite the very real urge to do exactly that. Take your time, never do anything you are not comfortable doing, and trust your gut instincts.

You may be a Submissive, but You decide whose, not the Dom/Daddy. There are many great Doms/Daddies out there, but there are also predators preying on new and naive Submissives.

And lastly, Ds should be fun, and both Submissive and Dom/Daddy should have their needs fulfilled, not just the Dom/Daddies.

[CherryP]

Thank you so much for this information.  I really appreciate it. 

[Ni****]

My pleasure. I hope you find the right Dom/Daddy for you.

[CherryP]

1 hour ago, Nice-Evil-Dom said:

My pleasure. I hope you find the right Dom/Daddy for you.

Me too! 

[Leisa]

It’s not an easy question to answer. I think Nice hit on most of the predominant points. The biggest thing is to trust your gut. If you see a red flag walk away. Don’t ask the potential about it because he’s encountered this questioning before and already has his answer ready. Don’t be afraid to ask detailed questions and if he has problems answering them or tries to shift the conversation that’s a red flag. Open and honest is what it takes because without it there can be no trust built. Don’t think a dynamic happens overnight. It takes time and patience. If he cannot respect you during the getting to know you phase then you cannot trust him. Don’t be afraid to ask for a reference. You’d be surprised at how many are willing to give you one. You wouldn’t hire someone to come into business with you so why not someone coming into your personal life. Most of all have patience; patience with yourself as you explore this wonderful world and patience in finding the Dom who is right for you. You’re worth it.

[Deleted Member]

Always be wary of the ones that come in guns blazing and expect you to call them sir or daddy right from the very first chats.

[Deleted Member]

Beware of those that jump straight to the chase
You need find and build a connection as a person first to get trust
That will involve them asking about you rather than your submissive needs or wants..

[Deleted Member]

There is plenty to read on this site about how to approach potential Doms. What kind of dynamic or submission you could chose from. All the classic red flags to avoid being caught into wrong hands. 
Any doubt about someone approaching you with some strange request just ask us. 
Good  luck 

[Kitten___]

Definitely have a video call as soon as you can to save time 😎

[cautiousswitch]

First piece of advice goes both ways.  Expect them to fill out more than just the basics on their profile and you should add a little more to yours.  Someone relying on mouse-clicking a checklist to introduce themselves says nothing about them.  At the same time, don't give too much detail.  In your case you say that you are new to kink; I would add a short paragraph on what got you interested.  I would also add a list of your limits.

Second piece of advice is to ask yourself if the guy contacting you actually bothered to read your profile.  This is why I say to add the limits; it's usually obvious when someone hasn't bothered to read your limits which screams, "FAKE!" if they start acting like you have no limits when they ae clearly listed on your profile.  Throughout the forums you will see posts about the importance of communication and when someone doesn't bother to read your profile it's obvious that they have no clue how communication works.  Real dom/mes read profiles.

Third, don't give too much information in your profile.  Give them something to ask about and build a relationship with.  If by their third post they're telling you to bow down and obey them and their first two posts have been, "Hey," and, "how r u," then most likely fake.  As much as you are vetting them they should be vetting you and that means you both should be digging a little and not just taking each others profiles at face value.

[CherryP]

Lots of great advice here.  Thank you everyone who posted.  I’ve received some great advice too by private message which is helping identify the fake doms.  

[CherryP]

4 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

First piece of advice goes both ways.  Expect them to fill out more than just the basics on their profile and you should add a little more to yours.  Someone relying on mouse-clicking a checklist to introduce themselves says nothing about them.  At the same time, don't give too much detail.  In your case you say that you are new to kink; I would add a short paragraph on what got you interested.  I would also add a list of your limits.

Second piece of advice is to ask yourself if the guy contacting you actually bothered to read your profile.  This is why I say to add the limits; it's usually obvious when someone hasn't bothered to read your limits which screams, "FAKE!" if they start acting like you have no limits when they ae clearly listed on your profile.  Throughout the forums you will see posts about the importance of communication and when someone doesn't bother to read your profile it's obvious that they have no clue how communication works.  Real dom/mes read profiles.

Third, don't give too much information in your profile.  Give them something to ask about and build a relationship with.  If by their third post they're telling you to bow down and obey them and their first two posts have been, "Hey," and, "how r u," then most likely fake.  As much as you are vetting them they should be vetting you and that means you both should be digging a little and not just taking each others profiles at face value.

Oh yeah i do intend on re-doing my profile.  I added minimal to my profile when I joined in case I didn’t like the place :) 

[Deleted Member]

If somebody has read 50 shades I’m not locked at the secretary then my alarm bells would be ringing.
I think somebody mentioned this about relationship. It’s about communication I’m might help you build trust and relationship. However within that relationship the person that holds the power is the submissive partner, they choose to submit.
Mr C

[Nickr-5740]

I may be able to help.

[Glasgowdom1991]

Also recommend doing a police domestic *** check there free and could literally save a life

[NewDaddy2021]

I don't know if this will help you at all because I have actually never went out claiming to be a daddy/Dom.

However after months in one relationship and weeks in my current one the girl has brought it up to me.

I don't know whether through my actions, words, and general appearance in a totally vanilla relationship gives some sort of signal to someone like yourself actually seeking a D-type but I've been asked twice now to explore.

Maybe try dating a few people who meet your needs in a normal none kink relationship but who also give off those signals.

Get to know eachother in a fun, light-hearted non committal relationship then if you feel the time is right bring it up.

In my situation it was amazing, even though I'd read into it a lot I'd never tried anything until with my current partner but it's been the most amazing thing that's happened to me and through getting to know eachother in a totally normal environment the pressure was off and we got a really good connection that has really deepened after starting to explore together.

I hope you find your one x