Munch Notes/Agenda – The Alpha submissive - 18th February 2021

April 10, 2021

Munch Notes/Agenda – The Alpha submissive - 18th February 2021

*Backdated munch notes/agenda, please feel free to add if you have any questions or comments*

Host: @SirArchA

Content Contributor: @SirArchA

1.There are two meanings to the term "Alpha Submissive" who can tell me what they are?

Traditionally the term “Alpha Submissive” relates to those that live in a poly household or if the Dominant has more than one submissive.

2. What do you think is the traditional role of the Alpha Submissive?

The Alpha (or lead) Submissive is the lead submissive or the head of the Dominant's household. Kind of like a 1930's House Keeper. The Alpha will take care of things and ensure that everything is done exactly as the Dominant wants them to be done.

3. Do you see the Alpha a type of switch?

No, they are not - He or she has a level of authority over the submissives to ensure they are obeying rules and attending to their duties properly. So kind of like a "den mother".

4. Do you think the Alpha can punish his or her subordinates?

This very much depends on the Dominant in question. Normally, the Alpha would report back any issues to the Dominant and the Dominant would decide what happens next. The Dominant may decide on a punishment and instruct the Alpha to carry it out.

5. What is the Alpha's role at an event/dinner or gathering?

The Alpha is the one who attends to the Dominant. The Alpha is the one who remains at the Dominant's side (if He or She wants anyone at their side) and the Alpha is the one that the Dominant will communicate with if something is needed. The Alpha will in turn cascade that to the other submissives as necessary. The only exception to this is if the Dominant speaks to one of his other submissives directly.

So traditionally, the Alpha is the eyes and ears of the Dominant, standing watch over His or Her property and possessions, listening to them ensuring they're cared for, taking care of any minor problems, ensuring things are done correctly and that the Dominant's needs are met. Now let's look at the second (newer) meaning of "Alpha Submissive" - The Alpha Personality.

6. What exactly does "Alpha Submissive" mean in this context?

It refers to submissives who have strong dominant personalities. I’m talking here about people’s natural state, some people have a natural ability to lead, whilst others are natural followers. The default state of an "Alpha" generally tends to be somewhere closer to the leadership end of the scale. Not always, but generally.

7. Do you think that Alpha Submissives see themselves as "a cut above" or better than anyone else?

Alphas don’t think they’re above other types of submissive and are certainly not saying “hey look at me I’m better than you”. Everyone is equal, a submissive is a submissive regardless of the ‘type’ of submissive they identify as (That's why we use the phrase "s-type" as this includes slaves, brats, littles etc etc).

8. Do you believe that an Alpha Submissive is a Dominant in denial?

Whilst it's true that some Alpha's like to dominate, especially within the traditional sense of the term Alpha. Generally Alpha Submissives in this newer definition want to submit just as much as any other submissive. They want to be on their knees, serving, but they struggle to do so. And because of this need an experienced Dominant that knows how to handle them (or if they are an inexperienced Dominant, they need to be someone who is a fast learner!)

9. Is it easy to spot an Alpha Submissive?

You can generally tell when you are in the presence of an Alpha Submissive. There's a certain vibe that they give off. An Aura if you like. They hold themselves well. They have an opinion and will give it. They are not afraid to put someone in their place if it's needed.
In my writing on Alphas, I said that if you ever meet an alpha, you could be forgiven for making the assumption that you’re talking to a complete man-eating bitch that’s willing to walk all over everyone and everything to get what she wants. I got a bit of backlash for this - but it's often the case, not always, but often. Because an alpha knows what they need and they won't settle for less.

10. Why do you think Alphas come across as harsh?

I bet ever woman in here has had exactly the same thought (perhaps some of the men too) - They are sick of cockwombles filling up their inboxes looking for their next shag!
Joking aside, finding a decent Dominant is hard enough as it is. But when you are looking for a decent Dominant of a certain type, character etc etc it's so much harder. And so Alphas have that additional struggle to find the right person. So, they test everyone, maybe subconsciously, but they test and they do it rapidly. Fail the test and you're cast aside. But put the alpha in their place in the right way, in a way that the Alpha "feels" challenged, then the Dominant will pass the test and make it through to the next round of challenges. Ultimately only the right Dominant will be successful - but oh what a prize!

11. Do you think an Alpha enjoys putting on a tough front?

An alpha wants to be owned, taken even, but only by the right dominant, one that knows exactly how to handle her, how to push her buttons and how to control her. Once the Alpha has the Dominant they need, you can see a massive transition in them. They are still tough on the outside, but when they are with their Dominant, they are putty in his hands.

12. Does an Alpha need an overly protective Dominant?

An alpha will fiercely protect the Dominant and His or Her ‘property’, including themselves and any others within the dynamic, like they are their own. In fact, the alpha needs this autonomy because the alpha is protective by nature. They thrive on the trust that their Dominant puts in them and on their ability to not disappoint. Think of it like a pack of wolves looking after it's own. It's hard for many Dominants to get their head around this concept because in their mind they are the ones that need to be protective. Whereas an alpha just needs to know that their Dominant will back them up if it’s needed.

13. Do you think Alpha's are fake submissives?

As I said, Alpha's test, challenge and protect. Because of this they regularly get called out as fakes or players. But this couldn't be further from the truth. The fact is, the alpha is not going to submit to someone for the sake of submitting, but most guys simply don't measure up to what the Alpha needs and then get ***y when their egotistical demands get rebuffed - in fact this is one of the best ways for an Alpha to weed out possible candidates from the throng.

14. Do you think an Alpha wants to submit?

In a word yes - in fact an Alpha wants to surrender to their Dominant, they want to be treated like property to be used for the Dominants pleasure, just like any submissive. That doesn’t mean that they'll allow themselves to be ***d, they will only allow themselves to be controlled by someone who’s shown that they really deserve their submission. In return, the Dominant gets a loyal, devoted submissive who’s right for them and wants nothing more than to please them.

15. You've passed the test, you've won yourself the submission of an Alpha - what do you do next?

Alpha's want and need attention, not in the context of always being by their side or hassling them with constant messages, but you must challenge them intellectually and discipline them if they step out of line. And they will step out of line, to test you!

16. Do you think Alphas ever stop testing their Dominant?

In reality no, or at least not for a very long time until the relationship is well established. If you show any sign of weakness, the Alpha will take control, and that’s no fun for anyone. At this point, you'll have failed the test and the Alpha will feel disappointed that you didn't match up, you weren't the Dominant they thought you were. They will feel disheartened as they have to start a new hunt for the right Dominant but deep down there will be a feeling of hopelessness and they will start to believe that they will never find the right one.

17. What do you think an Alpha is looking for in a Dominant?

Alphas need a Dominant who is assertive (but not aggressive) and knows how to impose their will. They want to be tamed, they need their Dominant to make them WANT to submit. Note the emphasis on the word "WANT". This is not about anyone being ***d against their will (that's a whole other topic) this is about creating the environment where the Alpha simply wants to obey. At the same time Alphas still want the loving, nurturing companionship found in any other D/s relationship.

18. Why do you think an Alpha can't just switch off and submit?

An Alpha personality finds it very unnatural to be anything other than Alpha and for this reason they find it hard to ‘switch off’. This is why it takes a very strong Dominant to capture an Alpha.

19. You're just started talking to a submissive and you discover they are an Alpha. You're aware that Alphas are going to test how dominant you are, how do you pass it?

There's a huge difference between 'being dominant' and 'making demands' when getting to know someone and this is a common mistake many people make "get on your knees", "show me some respect", "call me the grand poobar of BDSM" or whatever and then they get ***y when said submissive tells them to "do one!"

20. What can you do to show that you are Dominant and won't tolerate poor behaviour without coming across as an arsehole?

Open discussion - I'm not going to give my secrets away here!

21. But at what point can you start taking control?

After you have got to know each other, vetted, negotiated, and agreed limits.

22. Thinking about your personal safety as a Dom, what can you do to protect yourself from allegations of ***, *** or coercive control when playing?

Proper vetting, positive emphatic consent ideally using the FRIES approach - Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific. Ideally get it in writing, we all chat via messages and when planning scenes you often shat about them for a while before - So why not get in the habit of discussing and agreeing the plans for a scene over or whatever and then keep those messages.

23. Is it really worth all this effort to the Dominant when there are so many others that will submit without a fight?

This comes down to chemistry. And although we have been talking about Alpha's, this is true of any dynamic, if the Dominant really wants that particular submissive, then they will need to do whatever it takes to attract them. The rewards of your efforts are immense, the fight is over, the submissive has been tamed and the Dominant has proved worthy, the two become inseparable and anyone within the vicinity would be able to feel the chemistry between them. Nothing and Nobody could do any harm to their dynamic as both have invested too much to allow that to happen.

So, there you have it, an explanation of the two meanings to the term Alpha Submissive. Some will accept that there are two meanings and others won’t but if you combine the two into one person and have an Alpha personality as an Alpha in a poly household……… Well I’ll leave that to your imagination!

Thank you to all who attended the Quarantine Munch and to our wonderful host @ARCH73

April 10, 2021

Thank you so much Pixie for the wonderfully descriptive explanation of the Alpha submissive . Your time and effort is greatly appreciated. I feel that I can only add this : I am a leader of weak men and a follower of Powerful Women 🌹

April 10, 2021

On 4/11/2021 at 1:20 AM, TAROTT said:

Thank you so much Pixie for the wonderfully descriptive explanation of the Alpha submissive . Your time and effort is greatly appreciated. I feel that I can only add this : I am a leader of weak men and a follower of Powerful Women 🌹

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Thank you for your comment @TAROTT however I cannot take the credit for these particular notes. This was all the beautiful work of @SirArchA it was a fabulous munch and I hope the notes that @SirArchA wrote will be equally enjoyed by those that couldn't attend.

April 10, 2021

It suck I missed out on this munch since I been told I’m an Alpha Sub * whispers* I don’t think I am * I feel there’s one thing sometimes I’m lacking. Thank you so much for posting this Pixie and thank you Arch73 for doing the munch

May 28, 2021

Thank you for posting this @PixieDust great read.

Beautifully written Arch , I about ***d on my tea over the "cockwomble" phrase. Loved the style and the way you put this across, well done.

June 3, 2021

As someone who is naturally alpha and coming into BDSM, this article/interview really helped me as I have a want to be submissive but mostly my dominant personality is first to have a say. It felt eye opening to read about something I felt was just a complicated contrast within myself. Thanks for the insight!