New and want to get it right

[Deleted Member]

Hi all, any advice would be greatly received.

Ive starting seeing a wonderful lady, and she dropped into conversation she is a sub with brat tendancies. Now im not totally naive as this sort of thing has been of interest before. But 13 years of to a plank of wood makes you hide it away. So currently im needing help on doing this right, approaching it in the correct way to give her what she wants. Im naturally a dominant alpha male type bloke (rugby forwards are the sexiest men of earth) but i need a little guidance on correct terminology, the right things to say etc etc

Anything that helps me not come across a complete weapon will keep the *** of failure at bay.

Thanks in advance you saucy bunch

[Deleted Member]

Well to start there is a difference  between being confident and arrogant. Most women would prefer the first one. Not all dominance is about big muscle man macho type. 
You starting to see her? What context? 
Ask her question about herself? Try to know her as a person first. Then establish what kind of dynamic you want to go from there. Don’t pretend to be something you are not, tel her you are newbie and discover the kink together. 
there are many discussions about anything you need to know on the magazine here. From newbies to experts. 

[Deleted Member]

My 2 cent:
the best way to go is to research/read whatever you can find on the subject and COMMUNICATE with her. The master key is an open, honest, ongoing communication.
There is terminology and such you can read on but every individual has their own way of interpretation, their own needs., wants, limits and nos.
The best relationships are built together, with mutual efforts.
As a D admitting that something is new to you is very respectable.
In my eyes, the only way to fail is if you try to "solve" this by yourself, without asking, involving, discussing with her.
Best of luck to you.

[Deleted Member]

As a sub, I doubt I would care about whether someone used the right words. If you’re honest about being new and open to exploring, it doesn’t matter. I do value someone who educates themselves about d/s but the only way you can know if she does is to ask her. I agree with the advice from Fab and Searching. Communication is the number one thing.

[Aardvark21]

Also if you want to go the old fashioned way (and read a book), you can do a lot worse than The New Topping book (Easton and Hardy), they do an equivalent one for new Subs (if you want to really get inside her head)

[ey****]

Brill

So.  I guess, what is she into ? What are her limits? What sort of set up and dynamic would be preferable for her?    Just in the bedroom or some form of ongoing dynamic?   What about you? What might interest you to do to/with her?

[CherryP]

The best thing you can do is be completely honest with her and tell her haven’t done this before but are willing to learn.  
 

You definitely need to make sure communicate and discuss every thing. 
 

Maybe you could find yourself a mentor on here who will be able to guide you and educate you.  Also there are lots of great information on here.  
 

 

[Deleted Member]

Thanks all for the input. Ive already openly explained to her my lack of experience, and she understands totally. Im just the ' Hit the ground running ' sort of bloke so any kind of a heads up gives me more confidence in the first place. And as for muscles and being macho, im not that clueless to think all forms of dominance are the same. It was just a reference to the fact that in my day to day life im eloquent and polite, However im not a shrinking violet. Those with any Rugby experience will tell you its an incredibly testosterone fueled environment where all are dominant characters. People wear many different hats to suit the environment......

[Th****]

Hi Scrum,
You have had some good advice so far from wise heads.

I can only speak from my own experience with brats of course. One thing I always keep in mind is that even when you're brat has over stepped the line in brattiness.

It is often done to make her Dominant smile or to be entertaining and not out of disrespect.

Granted occasionally in the moment a little disrespect can be caused but you will find that is best controlled usually by working on your Dominant voice.

You know that quieter, deeper, more resonant tone. You drop it several octaves if not more and speak from the back of your mouth, keep it short.. So in my case it would be "Lil one No"

Oh one other thing, not knowing your good lady this is hard to be other than general.

If your brat enjoys being spanked etc you may want to not do that as an actual punishment.

Otherwise you can rein*** bad behaviour with a positive stimuli. In my head I have punishment and funishment.

Punishments are very boring, holding a coin against a wall with your nose for a period of time, lines, studying a chapter of something tedious. Funishment is the kind of thing you both enjoy doing in play.

Generally if you don't separate these some brats and can be very good at getting the response they want as they are both adorable and smart.

Good luck mate and stay one step ahead.