Help with masochism

[Deleted Member]

I've always thought I was a bit of a masochist, but it's come more to the fore with a new partner who is a sadist. Would any other masochists care to talk about their journey? I haven't spent any time with a sadist before, just had impact from those who give it because I enjoy it. 
I enjoy taking the *** knowing he is getting off on giving it and I also enjoy the *** itself, the bruises/marks and knowing what I have submitted to. I don't quite know how to process the feelings after play, I had quite a bad drop (yes there was aftercare, don't worry!). I've come to terms with being submissive, I don't think I'm in the right headspace about this. Advice/resources/reading very welcomed! 🤗

[Wo****]

Not sure if this will help....
I used to be a masochist, a hard core one. Now, I still enjoy a spanking, paddles, floggers but nowhere near the level I used to crave.
For me, my masochism came from a place of self worth. I think I felt unworthy? Hard to explain, it wasn't a negative thing. It was cathartic and liberating but I no longer crave it.
I want love, worship, adoration now.
My physical *** was a way for me to process and let go of my emotional ***.
I used to get drop, deep ones, often several drops after sessions. I still get them, kinda, but they're different... more a come down than a drop.

I found with LazyPirate, we (safely, and with communication) pushed each other, explored boundaries... him being a caring sadist worked brilliantly. I'd say revel in finding someone who actually enjoys it as much as you do.

[Deleted Member]

  50 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Not sure if this will help....
I used to be a masochist, a hard core one. Now, I still enjoy a spanking, paddles, floggers but nowhere near the level I used to crave.
For me, my masochism came from a place of self worth. I think I felt unworthy? Hard to explain, it wasn't a negative thing. It was cathartic and liberating but I no longer crave it.
I want love, worship, adoration now.
My physical *** was a way for me to process and let go of my emotional ***.
I used to get drop, deep ones, often several drops after sessions. I still get them, kinda, but they're different... more a come down than a drop.

I found with LazyPirate, we (safely, and with communication) pushed each other, explored boundaries... him being a caring sadist worked brilliantly. I'd say revel in finding someone who actually enjoys it as much as you do.

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I have considered if it's related to self worth and also if I crave it after a relationship ended because I was too kinky for him. But to be honest it's a relief to "be allowed" to enjoy *** and not have to hide that side. It is very much tied up for me with being of service to a dominant which I don't think has ever been a kink for you, Bounty? I am very service oriented. What worries me is that your mention of love, adoration and worship makes me so uncomfortable. I am no Domme, but I shy away from love and adoration. I don't orgasm with anyone and avoid attention that might help me do that. Am I using *** as a distraction - I do enjoy it immensely and it's not a new kink at all. My sadist (partner/play partner too early to tell) is quite caring outside of play, but not sure if I could discuss with him.

[Wo****]

Your points are raising interesting questions for me... you're right, I don't think service was ever one of my kinks. I think it was more, is more that I can, have, and will submit to certain people but in all honesty I'm still topping from the bottom.

 

Why does love and adoration make you feel uncomfortable? Do you orgasm on your own? Is it the letting go? Orgasms are selfish?

 

Why can't you discuss this with him? 

 

(More points to ponder than questions)

 

I'm an intensely emotional soul, maybe you're not. Or maybe you feel too much?

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for your post CurvyKate. As a sadomasochistic switch I have experienced both roles . I’m only comfortable with my masochist side with sadistic females. Trust for me is paramount. I want to be absolutely certain that I’m giving myself to a sane sensible woman who will stop the *** if I scream Red. When trust is gained I can then allow my mind to relax enough to be captured. The *** and excitement experienced by erotic sadistic pleasure can for both be so extremely intense for all the senses. Eye contact during ***, passionate kissing, oral stimulation and gentle words of encouragement will go a long way to coping with the *** and agony. When possible I try to time Mistresses orgasm with me suffering close to calling Red . Words don’t do justice to explain how mega the body and mind sensations experienced. It’s top fuel drag racing adrenaline. Your exhausted mentally emotionally physically and you both buzz with a spiritual connection that you don’t get going to church! I do expect a big drop the next day though .

[Deleted Member]

Depends how long you know that person. But I guess if you trust him enough to play with, why can’t you discuss with him? As a Dom he should be able to give you his opinion or help you with your issues after sessions.
My thoughts on this are that you are scared of being too close, past trauma, *** of being abandoned.
Are you overthinking too much after the day? Is it anything to analyse about it really?

[Deleted Member]

  46 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Your points are raising interesting questions for me... you're right, I don't think service was ever one of my kinks. I think it was more, is more that I can, have, and will submit to certain people but in all honesty I'm still topping from the bottom.

 

Why does love and adoration make you feel uncomfortable? Do you orgasm on your own? Is it the letting go? Orgasms are selfish?

 

Why can't you discuss this with him? 

 

(More points to ponder than questions)

 

I'm an intensely emotional soul, maybe you're not. Or maybe you feel too much?

Expand  

It's always a good discussion if it raises things for more than just the original poster! I don't think I'd say I am not emotional, just that for good reason I keep a tight rein on them with men much of the time. Until the trust is there. Well, perhaps when the trust is there. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Orgasms is a whole other issue. I'm not sure I will ever orgasm with a man again. (Yes no problems on my own). My sadist is too new in my life I think, to open up to. He is aware of the orgasm thing and why though.

[Deleted Member]

  40 minutes ago, TAROTT said:

Thank you for your post CurvyKate. As a sadomasochistic switch I have experienced both roles . I’m only comfortable with my masochist side with sadistic females. Trust for me is paramount. I want to be absolutely certain that I’m giving myself to a sane sensible woman who will stop the *** if I scream Red. When trust is gained I can then allow my mind to relax enough to be captured. The *** and excitement experienced by erotic sadistic pleasure can for both be so extremely intense for all the senses. Eye contact during ***, passionate kissing, oral stimulation and gentle words of encouragement will go a long way to coping with the *** and agony. When possible I try to time Mistresses orgasm with me suffering close to calling Red . Words don’t do justice to explain how mega the body and mind sensations experienced. It’s top fuel drag racing adrenaline. Your exhausted mentally emotionally physically and you both buzz with a spiritual connection that you don’t get going to church! I do expect a big drop the next day though .

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It is a huge buzz and because it's combined with rope, I find the sensory elements echo for days after. I probably didn't take into account how exhausting it would be and take care of myself. I do feel that my sadist is sensible, sane and experienced. I'm not sure I'd call it a spiritual connection but certainly very intense for us both.

[Deleted Member]

  14 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

Depends how long you know that person. But I guess if you trust him enough to play with, why can’t you discuss with him? As a Dom he should be able to give you his opinion or help you with your issues after sessions.
My thoughts on this are that you are scared of being too close, past trauma, *** of being abandoned.
Are you overthinking too much after the day? Is it anything to analyse about it really?

Expand  

Something is off for me, that's why I am analysing it. I needed to talk it through with those who would understand. Imagine saying to a vanilla friend that I got a beating from some guy and wasn't sure how I felt about it? 🤦🏻‍♀️
My instincts put me off talking to him and you're right - it's something I should be able to open to him about. Not anything he's done or not done. Yes I am wary because I've been hurt. So perhaps you are right.

[Leisa]

Kate there like anything else there are degrees to masochism. I’m a masochist and get off on the *** being inflicted though it took time and communication to get there. Depending on the dynamic I’m in depends on the degree of masochism involved on my part. I was first introduced to *** with a very caring and loving Dom who took it slow and allowed me the freedom to choose the degree of *** I could tolerate and still find pleasure. Sounds like it may be a communication issue. As you know communication is key to any dynamic. Be gentle with yourself. If you truly are a masochist at heart then you will get there but again you have to be willing to communicate with your partner.

[Deleted Member]

  Thursday at 12:45 PM, Leisa said:

Kate there like anything else there are degrees to masochism. I’m a masochist and get off on the *** being inflicted though it took time and communication to get there. Depending on the dynamic I’m in depends on the degree of masochism involved on my part. I was first introduced to *** with a very caring and loving Dom who took it slow and allowed me the freedom to choose the degree of *** I could tolerate and still find pleasure. Sounds like it may be a communication issue. As you know communication is key to any dynamic. Be gentle with yourself. If you truly are a masochist at heart then you will get there but again you have to be willing to communicate with your partner.

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Thank you, Leisa. I have done some more thinking and some reading about both sides. And I've been honest with him. He's been very happy to answer any questions I had. Very patient with me. I'm still new to it all and so each time I have a new dynamic I find it a bit overwhelming. A sadist has a very different approach to submission than I have encountered. So I had to look again at my submission. It's a dance. 😁 I like it.

[myshaal56]

i have a deep love for ***. the more sadistic my MISTRESS is the more i respect HER for what SHE does to me

[Deleted Member]

  On 4/25/2021 at 11:55 AM, Bounty said:

Not sure if this will help....
I used to be a masochist, a hard core one. Now, I still enjoy a spanking, paddles, floggers but nowhere near the level I used to crave.
For me, my masochism came from a place of self worth. I think I felt unworthy? Hard to explain, it wasn't a negative thing. It was cathartic and liberating but I no longer crave it.
I want love, worship, adoration now.
My physical *** was a way for me to process and let go of my emotional ***.
I used to get drop, deep ones, often several drops after sessions. I still get them, kinda, but they're different... more a come down than a drop.

I found with LazyPirate, we (safely, and with communication) pushed each other, explored boundaries... him being a caring sadist worked brilliantly. I'd say revel in finding someone who actually enjoys it as much as you do.

Expand  

New, in every way, will find a place to introduce, but I used to cut as a kid, early ***s for the same reason, so unhappy in so many ways, the physical *** gave me something else to feel. Little white scars, but still there.