Questions about BDSM fetishes

[morbid_angel]

Hello!

 

I'm 18 y.o and as a BDSM guy I have so little experience. I have questions which are based exactly on that. 

 

First of all, how can I get more experience about the stuff I like? I'm into really strange and violent stuff and I'm in trouble finding girls which are like me. I wanna learn more about any specific fetishes: how to do them well, what's OK and what's not, are there any important details and techniques, etc. It will be hard for me to be looking for guys like me, also it'll be kinda cringy asking them about that...

Following the problem with the first question, the next one is how can I actually find girls that are into stuff like me? It'll be so creepy to ask them randomly about that or... how can I be sure they are on the same wave/mood as me? I don't want to do things which are against the will of the other people. I want everything to be healthy and cool for the both sides of the BDSM act. So what can you advice me?

 

I want to practice more BDSM stuff but I'm into really big trouble. My goals are gaining experience, fulfilling my needs and finding new friends. I'm not for relationships or toxic intimacy stuff. I need your help!

 

Thanks for the attention!

[Du****]

Have to say I love your attitude. You want to gain experience but you want to make sure your partners are on the same wavelength, establishing boundaries from the start. You’re in the right place and on the right site to find people like yourself, whether to chat or to hook up with - the forum discussions would be an ideal place to start. Have fun!

[Deleted Member]

To start with, do not use the word “violent”.... it means you are not in control and no “girls” -women- would trust someone who’s not in control of his emotions or inner impulsion....

[Deleted Member]

I think it would help you if you started visiting some bdsm events and see how people play safe . Most people would be happy to give you some of their time with advice on how your journey can start. Manners respect and patience will go a long way with forming friends and connections. I understand that you are hungry to learn but don’t rush into anything that can get dangerous. Also remember that bdsm is like the volume control and what is pleasure for one maybe unpleasant for another.

[ey****]

there's something I call the experience paradox which can seem frustrating - that it'd be easier to find people if you had experience but to get experience you need to find people

So. My first advice is to do as much research as you can in the play and activity you wish to do in your own time.  This will give you a massive boost as you won't be going into some conversations blind

From here I think two threads of advice.  

1) Look for a partner not focused too much on your kink.  This could even be a case of finding a partner in seemingly vanilla circles.  At an appropriate point in your relationship raise there are things you want to try and ask about exploring together

2) Join any form of local community - munches/events etc. with a view of making friends and boosting knowledge.  It may very well be that you talk to people, who can help show you a demo. Who might wish to try something with you, or can help you gain experience.

The most important factor there is attitude. Your wanting to learn and wanting to be responsible that yes, you have fantasies and you want to make these come true, but you want this to be a good experience so it can be more than a one-off