Relationships and DDLG

[marias101]

Hey everyone, I am new here and just started exploring my submissive side with someone long distance. It started off as a normal "getting to know each other" way (we met on a regular dating app) but we quickly discovered we are into the same dynamic DDLG. He is more experienced than me and has been guiding me very patiently and respectfully and making me feel completely safe, however we are in different countries at the moment.  I am going to be in his country soon for a trip that was planned before we even "met". My question is: we have explored on the phone a few times now but as I am very much at the stage in my life where I am looking for a serious commitment, (I'm 37), and I am not interested in casual sex anymore. Have I now ruined the possibility of that with this man because we have had phone sex and I have opened up to him a lot about my submissive needs (because he has created a safe space for me)? I feel silly even bringing this up with him because we have not even met in person (several times on video), however my *** is I will open up even more to him and it will only stay as a sexual thing for him. I hope I am making sense. I want to explore my little girl side with him, but I would prefer to do this in an actual real relationship eventually. Do I just take a break with him and meet him to see if he is interested in a more serious way or just tell him now that I am scared of getting too attached like this because sex is a very emotional experience for me, even though we are long distance, I feel all these emotions building up because I have opened up to him about my sexuality more than to anyone else I've even dated in the past!

[Deleted Member]

If your intention is not to be in a relationship with him then stop right now as it’s not fair for him. Tell him about your actual desire to start a vanilla life and that you won’t be able to fulfil your fantasy anymore as you are not interested in casual sex.
If he’s experienced he will understand that position. And maybe he wants a more serious relationship?? If you don’t ask you won’t know..

[pt****]

I think you know the answer to your question, it is obviously could be long term issue being in different countries. It’s challenging times anyway with travel. Unless you feel can move to his country or his yours. You have to question how important is the physical aspect is to both of you, is a LDR Going to be enough. Ultimately you should be 100% open, honest. Communication is the main corner stone of any relationship but especially in our kinky world. I hope this helps you, pm if you want to discuss further, I’m happy to give a impartial perspective. Take care

[an****]

I think these are all very real concerns marias. I think that experiencing each other in the same space may be the best thing for you in your decision making. If you over think now before you meet you may unnecessarily interrupt the evolution of of a meaningful relationship in whatever form it becomes.

Whether it stays virtual where you can play and learn more about yourself in the DDlg dynamic or after a discussion with him reveals a willingness on his part to commit to something actual, real, you owe it to yourself to certainly spend the time you have with him without hesitation or ***. Remember the safe place? You must stay committed to that trust.

There will be a right time, during your time with him to openly discuss your concerns and feelings. You should have that discussion if you feel the same way after spending real time with him as communication and honesty is always best whether you like the result or not. Who knows, after your visit you might find that what you have now is best and will ultimately help In Your search for the right “real” Daddy. Or maybe you’ll find that he wants to be that “real” Daddy and is willing to explore ways in which to make that happen. I think you have to be wide open at this point to all possibilities as you would be surprised at what a little creativity can produce in situations such as yours. I suggest that you play it out. Allow yourselves to enjoy each other because life’s too short and your lucky to even have this opportunity.

I guess what I’m trying to say marias101 is don’t hesitate because of ***. Don’t not explore this because of *** especially if you feel that it has real possibilities. Stay in control of your emotions, have lots of fun, enjoy being together and communicate at the right time. While “sex” can be very emotional, it’s also fun and enjoyable and in no way the only thing in a relationship.

So that you know, I have been him so my advice is TRUST: ). I would be very interested to hear how it goes if you’re willing to share that with me.

DM me. Good luck, David🙏

[marias101]

Thank you so so much for all the responses. I had to find a forum where people in the lifestyle could answer me as I don't have friends who could have that perspective. I definitely am looking for a real committed relationship right now that is NOT vanilla (been there, done that) so I am very grateful that I have "met" someone who allows me to explore this in a safe space and I feel completely respected in his company, even though only through phone and video. I am open to moving in the future and am not locked down to one country (I have lived in several countries during my life so it is no deal breaker for me.) So I think I will take it day by day and be honest with him. I was all in my head about this because in a vanilla regular scenario, I have my rules and ways of going forward but now that this element has been introduced to me, I feel extra sensitive and *** and am not sure if it's even possible to explore this lifestyle first and have it develop into something deeper. I do want to get to know him better outside of DDLG and want to take it very slow, so I'm sure I can communicate that to him with no *** of judgement. 

[Ae****]

I think: tell him exactly what you're afraid of. If he's a good guy, he'll happily discuss your needs and you'll see whether you can go ahead with him.
If he can't take this discussion - maybe that's a red flag for a relationship with him in general.