Just want him to spanking me

[Idontunderstand]

Hi all. I am brand new to all of this and a first time poster on anything but I would really appreciate some advice.

Me and my OH have been together for nearly 30 years, I eventually found kink a few years ago and am a big fan. I'm definitely a sub in the bedroom. But my OH has not quite taken to it as much as me :( he enjoys some aspects but it just doesn't come naturally to him so I generally am left wanting in some ways.

My real issue is that to cut a very long story short we are in a really bad place but it seems the worse we get on the more I crave at the very least a good spanking. I keep imagining  him grabbing me by the throat, pushing me upgainst a wall and taking what he wants but we're not even sitting next to each other on the sofa!

So how is it the more we don't get on the rougher I wish he would be with me??

[Deleted Member]

In that scenario environment the last thing he should be doing is using any kind of *** against you, consensual or not. I think you may be causing friction in your relationship to reward yourself with these fantastic desires. When dishing out a spanking or rough play such as choking the dom must be calm and never driven by anger. Control is essential to ensure care for the sub and prevent harm. Perhaps you could discuss with him and admit things you may have done that you think you need punished for. Then if he understands and agrees you could have a role play session with agreed terms and limits. It is about mutual fun and satisfying a need in both of you.

[Idontunderstand]

Oh I know *** has no place anywhere in a relationship. When I say grab I didn't mean in a violent way but in, your mine and I'm taking it way. I trust him 100% in the bedroom that he would never cause me harm. You right I do do things to try and push a response from him but then that doesn't happen so we end up stuck in a ever repeating pattern getting nowhere!!

[Deleted Member]

I understand how you are feeling. My SO is not naturally Dom but I'm naturally submissive. I'm the the one that introduced him to it. There are times that he tries to be Dom with me. He tries to Dom me but it not really him. He says he enjoys doing it but he really just wants someone a little more aggressive. Something I'm not really used to although I try.
My ex was a natural Dom and he knew how to push me. Everything about him was. We had an intense and passionate relationship. I missed being pushed against the wall, hands around my thought and being claimed. My current relation although has some aspects of that it still leaves me longing.

[Deleted Member]

Tell him what you want. Men are not mind readers.

[Dreamaway]

Be very, very careful here. The trust you've built over 30 years could be undone in a second by these fantasies of your's. We all have fantasies but usually its best they stay that way. Wanting a guy who wouldn't harm you to suddenly get rough you won't happen, would you be with him if he'd been rough with you 30 years ago, I doubt it. Why not ask him what he wants and respect his wishes if you've been together for that long. Whatever do take care here, we all get restless feet now and then but usually they just need grounding again.

[Deleted Member]

If he hasn’t done anything after 30 years together he’s not going to change it now. I am afraid you have two choices, you will be frustrated for the rest of your life or ask him if he’s consenting you having someone else doing it to you. Maybe a professional might be a solution as nothing emotional is involved in that sense...

Edited May 23, 2021 by Deleted Member
Misspelling

[Wo****]

On 5/22/2021 at 12:18 PM, Idontunderstand said:

Hi all. I am brand new to all of this and a first time poster on anything but I would really appreciate some advice.

Me and my OH have been together for nearly 30 years, I eventually found kink a few years ago and am a big fan. I'm definitely a sub in the bedroom. But my OH has not quite taken to it as much as me he enjoys some aspects but it just doesn't come naturally to him so I generally am left wanting in some ways.

My real issue is that to cut a very long story short we are in a really bad place but it seems the worse we get on the more I crave at the very least a good spanking. I keep imagining  him grabbing me by the throat, pushing me upgainst a wall and taking what he wants but we're not even sitting next to each other on the sofa!

So how is it the more we don't get on the rougher I wish he would be with me??

Any attention is better than none and a feeling of not deserving anything else. That's what I used to feel anyway.

 

Address why you're not getting on. Maybe write him a letter. Explore the aspects he enjoys, ask if you can explore what you like together too.

 

If he agrees to spanking and similar, never do it in anger or frustration.

[Si****]

Start with communication. It might just be that he doesn’t feel comfortable with some of the thing you desire or hasn’t understood what it is you have told him. You just have to try and find the things that you both like and build from there. It just sound like you want him to be more controlling over you and your mind sees him physically taking that control as the only way. The question to ask yourself is ' where would my mind be if he did do this?' then ask 'where would his mind go?' It could be that you both go in very different places.

[Idontunderstand]

Wow, thanks everyone. Well we had a very long overdue conversation last night and it has helped clear things up a lot. I have told him before the things I would like him to do and we have done some, he's happy to do it it's just like I said it doesn't come naturally to him. Which is fair enough I couldn't submit to him properly if it wasn't my thing so I know that works both ways. From what he said yesterday he's unsure of himself and worried about things going to far, not just physically but he doesn't want to live it 24/7 which I don't either. So he's going to do some research and find what he's comfortable with and we'll find our way from there. I think before I was concentrating to much on telling him things I would like us to try rather than explaining why I feel the need to submit to him. So things are looking better today and for the first time in a long time I'm feeling hopeful 

[ol****]

Best of luck.

Let's hope a reluctant D is better than no D at all.

If there are other pressures in the relationship then don't ignore them. in the end it's all part of the whole. Else what you'll get is the odd hour of escapism at best,