a few thoughts on limits

[pomonagirl]

"What are your limits?" He asked me, there in the low light of the dungeon.

A parade of Hieronymus Bosch-esque visions fill my head.

"Oh, i have a lot of limits...but as far as this scene my limits include..."

 

**************************************************************

 

i have a lot of limits.

 

A lot of my limits are areas of play that i do not wish to pursue/don't turn me on...things like public or group sex, foot fetish, ***, ***, "***d" anything, bathroom control, tickling, orgasm denial, switching or Dominating others.

But just as many of my limits (if not more) are actually really about me not wanting to be overly ***.

i grew up very independent and in a household that didn't show much emotions. As an adult, most of my romantic relationships with men have ended in heartbreak & leading me to believe that i am not good enough for a man to seriously have in his life (beginning, i suppose, in childhood with my absentee father). So being independent and not allowing myself to be too ***/bonded to a man is my typical "M.O."

 

This is one of the big reasons why i changed my "role" on my Fetlife profile from "submissive" to "bottom"---even though i can be submissive and i know that i do display a lot of characteristics of a "true sub" or even "slave"---i don't like to let that side out until i feel like i can really "let go" and trust a person.

 

***************************************************************************

 

It's true, i do have a lot of limits.

 

But i also know that if i am really bonded with/trust/in love with the Dominant a lot of them can/will eventually melt away.

In my four years exploring this world of BDSM i did meet one Dominant who i came to trust/be bonded with/love so much. It was after many months with him that i came to realize that with the right partner a lot of limits will eventually leave me, because i trust him and his "style" so much and know that he cares for me even above his own needs.

 

It was devastating when that ended....even though he was never officially "my Dominant"....i was never collared to him...i guess that on paper we were just "in a play relationship" but for me, it became much much deeper.

i don't like to feel devastated and heartbroken so a lot of my limits with BDSM are there to help protect me from becoming too bonded, or too deeply involved with any person.

 

It's hard because i do know that when you are deeply bonded and involved with a person the play becomes more intense and more fulfilling. So i do realize that i am loosing out on a more fulfilling, enriching side of my life. But at the end of the day, for me, protecting my heart and emotions is more important.

 

********************************************************

 

i have a lot of limits and that limits who is compatible to play with me.

 

i realize that not all Dominants or even Switches want to play in the way that i do (non-sexually, pre-negotiated and in a public setting). i have found that a lot of Dominants that i do meet online are either looking for only private play and/or play that includes sex, or are really focused on looking for a submissive or slave to have a relationship with (some even say, "looking for my last relationship").

It's nice that so many Dominants are looking for "the one", or for private sessions...but i just don't know when and if i will be ready to be open to that type of trust and bonding again.

[Deleted Member]

Can't really say much on the subject BUT.. just would like to say that ... I FEEL YOU ! And thank you for this post!

[Deleted Member]

Nicely written

[JessieMay]

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability here. Your honesty is a gift. I honor you for taking care of yourself and trust that in doing so you will find respect and care in your encounters.

[pomonagirl]

Thank you everyone for reading and for leaving your insightful and encouraging comments. i really appreciate it!