This site/app is intended for dating, why do people try and treat it like Fetlife?

June 25, 2021

This is the message you are greeted with when you sign up:

"THE KINK-POSITIVE BDSM COMMUNITY FOR FETISH DATING
Unleash Your True Self!
Take a walk on the WILD side and join our kink-positive dating community for FREE."

Note the word "dating" twice in that message. Why even enter a site designed for dating and hookups if you're "happily taken and not looking for anyone"? Want to meet friends? There's already many places specifically built for that.

June 26, 2021

Dating and meeting people does happen frequently from this site, normally by making use of the chatrooms and forums getting to know someone quite well before deciding to meet in a way all sites should encourage, unlike the so called respectable dating sites which are more often than not a hook-up site, so all in all this is more a community site which encourages dating in a safe manner and should be thanked for being the way it is, ultimately you get out what you put in. I will also add here you're accepted for who you are and not judged, unlike the "respectable" sites where far to often it's photos and income that determines if someone wants to get to know you

June 26, 2021

Did you also see the word community? Twice? 🙄

June 26, 2021

You joined 24 days ago. Are all these happily taken people (some of whom are mods and greeters) getting in the way of you getting your rocks off? 🎻

June 26, 2021

6 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Did you also see the word community? Twice? 🙄

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Exactly...its a dating community. So when people feel comfortable and secure with the person they're talking to, they may want to date... like every other dating website. It doesn't guarantee a date.

June 26, 2021

I like how this website has evolved

I think a problem with a lot of dating sites is they're all very "here are a lot of profiles yes/no" and, ahem, they often all point to the same database.

I guess a concept like this if someone has to leave a "dating community" because they meet somebody - then it's less of a community and more of a tourism spot. Or supermarket. go in, get what you want (or find it's not in stock) and come out.

And, I dunno - I think people are more than that. I think a lot of people want more than that.

I think also - while I don't want to be down on Fetlife - for assorted reasons people are finding it difficult there. There's a lot I feel where the site could do with an overhaul (too many groups. self appointed moderators. inaction on a number of issues people feel there should be more action on - so on) and so there are some people use both sites, and some who have found the community feel on here is more to their comfort.

I also don't think there's a need to exclude people who are just looking for advice and friendship - and of course, things might and do change. Someone in a happily taken relationship might at some point warm to play with others. Someone happily taken may actually be curious on poly and want more information before opening up.

And, ahem, some who are listed as happily taken actually aren't - they just find people they are not interested in are more respectful to "I have a partner" than they are to "I'm not interested"

June 26, 2021

20 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Did you also see the word community? Twice? 🙄

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Nail, meet head 😂

"Dating sites" don't tend to build a community. They don't foster friendships and support networks literally amongst people with a shared interest across the globe. They have one objective.

Here, community comes first. Those who wish to drift by and take refuge here for a short while are welcome, as are those who wish to make a more permanent residence. It is, in theory at least, a judgement-free safe space for advice, learning, and all manner of agenda-free connections. If folk just want to date or hook up that's cool too, but it isn't the essence of the site.

As for those who are happy and aren't looking, maybe they used to be searching and found what they wanted? Nobody is going to kick them out because of that. Or perhaps they don't know when they will be ready, or that they even want a partner/partners yet? That doesn't mean they oughtn't be welcomed, that they oughtn't be given space to express themselves and discover connections in case their situation changes.

18 hours ago, SubMike123 said:

Want to meet friends? There's already many places specifically built for that.

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Many? Kink-based? I'm sceptical about this claim.

June 26, 2021

Oh no, we frightened him away. 😏

June 26, 2021

21 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I like how this website has evolved

I think a problem with a lot of dating sites is they're all very "here are a lot of profiles yes/no" and, ahem, they often all point to the same database.

I guess a concept like this if someone has to leave a "dating community" because they meet somebody - then it's less of a community and more of a tourism spot. Or supermarket. go in, get what you want (or find it's not in stock) and come out.

And, I dunno - I think people are more than that. I think a lot of people want more than that.

I think also - while I don't want to be down on Fetlife - for assorted reasons people are finding it difficult there. There's a lot I feel where the site could do with an overhaul (too many groups. self appointed moderators. inaction on a number of issues people feel there should be more action on - so on) and so there are some people use both sites, and some who have found the community feel on here is more to their comfort.

I also don't think there's a need to exclude people who are just looking for advice and friendship - and of course, things might and do change. Someone in a happily taken relationship might at some point warm to play with others. Someone happily taken may actually be curious on poly and want more information before opening up.

And, ahem, some who are listed as happily taken actually aren't - they just find people they are not interested in are more respectful to "I have a partner" than they are to "I'm not interested"

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Your analogy game is awesome eyem. "More of a tourism spot" 😆. I left Fetlife (still have a profile and pop in for the pics) because it just got too much. So you have a point there - as always!

June 26, 2021

@Aranhis I completely agree with you mate. The only ones in here that I would love to get rid of are the scammers and fakes.

June 26, 2021

I know, it really ***es me off. Even FetLife had become somewhat of a cesspool nowadays. But yeah, if you're not looking, then why be here? I guess some people take pleasure in the attention they get & in turning people down? 🤷‍♂️Idk. But they need to go if they're not looking.

June 26, 2021

Eh..?
Is this not Fetlife?

June 26, 2021

😆

June 26, 2021

It’s a fetish site for everyone. There are few strict rules but not of them mentioned no owned subs or looking for friends allowed on this site??

It could be frustrating I know, I talked to many many potentials on here and it’s very rare when it’s rewarding. Some chat and go, some create a profile and forgot to sign in again, some are curious then got scare… That’s the way it is…

but I guess the op found the solution for his anger…. Leave the site

June 26, 2021

1 hour ago, Brittone2 said:

Eh..?
Is this not Fetlife?

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Lmao as I genuinely thought they were the same thing until recently. Also this is a kink dating site...who says those in committed relationships don't occasionally want to meet other couples or singles for fun?

June 26, 2021

4 hours ago, sonofthunder777 said:

I know, it really ***es me off. Even FetLife had become somewhat of a cesspool nowadays. But yeah, if you're not looking, then why be here? I guess some people take pleasure in the attention they get & in turning people down? 🤷‍♂️Idk. But they need to go if they're not looking.

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Oh FFS. Because kinky people like to talk to other kinky people. They want to connect with others who have the same needs, feelings, desires. The vast majority of us aren't "out" to our friends and family. What happens when you're with someone but you need to ask a question about a BDSM issue? Or you're a sub who wants to talk about being submissive? It's a lifestyle...people want to talk about that. With those who get it and can offer advice. But you think they need to go even once they have a partner. 😡

June 26, 2021

😂 😂 😂 😂....

Sooooo.... This is a 'kink community'... the use of this site is not just for singles looking to date and to be quote honest, why would you want it to be limited to that? If its just a date your looking for, or a hookup... Theres plenty of other kink sites for that.

This site has evolved massively over the last few years, and I assume it will continue to. To attract more people to the site, everyone needs to be welcome... Its posts like these that make people feel excluded.

Read profiles, most of the time (if the profiles filled out) it will tell you what that person is looking for... Its not a massive issue and it can easily be overcome by taking the time to read a persons profile 🤷🏼‍♀️

June 26, 2021

2 minutes ago, TeeJay_98 said:

😂 😂 😂 😂....

Sooooo.... This is a 'kink community'... the use of this site is not just for singles looking to date and to be quote honest, why would you want it to be limited to that? If its just a date your looking for, or a hookup... Theres plenty of other kink sites for that.

This site has evolved massively over the last few years, and I assume it will continue to. To attract more people to the site, everyone needs to be welcome... Its posts like these that make people feel excluded.

Read profiles, most of the time (if the profiles filled out) it will tell you what that person is looking for... Its not a massive issue and it can easily be overcome by taking the time to read a persons profile 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Our vision is to be the world’s most trusted Fetish and BDSM community. A safe, sane and consensual home for kinksters and the kink-curious, that demystifies alternative lifestyles and provides a user-friendly dating solution.

Our Values

Our five core values embody our culture, spirit and dedication to our kinky community. They keep us aligned and help us make decisions about everything we do.

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^^^ 👌🏻

June 26, 2021

After TJ and Kate totally nailed this I am left with only one point.

Sometimes people come here looking for some one and find them. After that you often stay for friends, networking etc. It provides a good basis for sub support networks online as well which are always essential.

Personally speaking I do not know 'many places specifically built' for bdsm couples, and wouldn't they make a break up even worse. But if there are I am happy to be corrected.

Me I am happy with my friends and submissive. I also do not see how this stops the original poster 'dating'.

June 26, 2021

yes this is a dating site. yes this is a community.

but have u ever stopped to think this is a kink and fetish site and much more differing from the normal dating sites.

this site offers a chat room to make friends and learn about things. which is obviously very important in this lifestyle.

also many people are in open and poly relationships. many form dynamics and can welcome more than one person into their circle.

also not to mention that some people try dynamics and relationships but do they always work out? no. so they stay and if it doesnt work out, they can just earch for someone new. this site and community feeds off its members. how shit would this site be if everyone who paired off just up and left?! it would be empty. or if it failed they would have to rejoin and go through everything again.

i dont think this is about dating at all to be honest. maybe due to its nature you assumed it would be easy to hook up with a single person of your choice.i dont know but if you complain about this aspect then this definately isnt the site for you.

we support the commmunity, not just the sex part of bdsm and kink.

June 26, 2021

55 minutes ago, Thebian said:

After TJ and Kate totally nailed this I am left with only one point.

Sometimes people come here looking for some one and find them. After that you often stay for friends, networking etc. It provides a good basis for sub support networks online as well which are always essential.

Personally speaking I do not know 'many places specifically built' for bdsm couples, and wouldn't they make a break up even worse. But if there are I am happy to be corrected.

Me I am happy with my friends and submissive. I also do not see how this stops the original poster 'dating'.

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More people doesn't take away from anything here, as you say. I think we would lose so much if people left the instant they met someone. Like you, Thebian.

June 26, 2021

1 minute ago, Curvykate said:

More people doesn't take away from anything here, as you say. I think we would lose so much if people left the instant they met someone. Like you, Thebian.

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Seconded...

June 26, 2021

55 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

yes this is a dating site. yes this is a community.

but have u ever stopped to think this is a kink and fetish site and much more differing from the normal dating sites.

this site offers a chat room to make friends and learn about things. which is obviously very important in this lifestyle.

also many people are in open and poly relationships. many form dynamics and can welcome more than one person into their circle.

also not to mention that some people try dynamics and relationships but do they always work out? no. so they stay and if it doesnt work out, they can just earch for someone new. this site and community feeds off its members. how shit would this site be if everyone who paired off just up and left?! it would be empty. or if it failed they would have to rejoin and go through everything again.

i dont think this is about dating at all to be honest. maybe due to its nature you assumed it would be easy to hook up with a single person of your choice.i dont know but if you complain about this aspect then this definately isnt the site for you.

we support the commmunity, not just the sex part of bdsm and kink.

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I don't think either of those who've complained have stopped and thought about anything but their own needs. Fetish would be a shell if anyone not single left. And you make a good point about those who are poly/ENM as I am.

June 26, 2021

Everyone is different with different needs and desires .. lets just be accepting or educating / users will adapt/not, or use for their own needs what ever that maybe. Our community is diverse and should be accepting .. personally