PSA: don't ask to borrow someone's toys or bdsm gear.

July 10, 2021

So yeah. A while ago, before the pandemic, this did actually happen to me!!

It was at a Dungeon and i had gone with a Dominant friend of mine. We had played together a handful of times and i was looking forward to our scene.

He brought some of his impact toys and rope, and as always, i brought along some of my favorite impact toys & gear.

It was a really nice scene and i was still coming down from it when he asked if he could borrow my flogger for a scene he had planned the next night with another woman.

WTH????

i was in a good, relaxed state of mind and his question definitely caught me off guard!! i didn't want to make a big fuss so just told him no.

i wish i had told him why, at the time. But you know. i just wanted to enjoy the afterglow of the scene and chillax for the rest of the evening.

So yeah. Just in case you didn't know, it is not ok to ask people if you can borrow their toys, or BDSM gear.

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There are a few reasons for this (all of which should be fairly obvious) but the biggest one is CLEANLINESS.

Of course you can have cleaning procedures with certain materials, but the fact is that Leather & Suede floggers can never fully be cleaned/disinfected. i had no idea how he would use the flogger---would it be on the woman's exposed genitals? Or other orifices? Even excessive sweat would be an issue for me.

And worse case, what if he somehow broke some skin during a scene, or she had an existing wound??

It was also fairly insulting. i mean, i know that he was fairly new to this world (especially to the public scene/community)...but...would he have asked the same thing from another Dominant, or even a male submissive? i kinda doubt it.

my toy and gear collection is something that i take seriously and have invested in over time. i really don't do Topping and have purchased these items for me--to be used on me. Even though i do enjoy experiencing other peoples' toys (depending on what type of toys they are, and how much i trust the person who owns them), the fact is that i have built my collection so that i am fully aware of the quality, craftmanship, sensation and cleanliness.

All in all it was very disconcerting and definitely made me think hard about if i wanted to continue my play relationship with him. i cringed thinking of how i'd let him tie me (crotch rope and all), wondering what, if any, cleaning procedures he used with his rope.

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To end this "PSA" on a more positive note, here ARE some things that are TOTALLY OK with me:

--As long as i am not playing or in "aftercare", you are certainly welcome to ask to see my toys & gear!! i love to show off my collection.

--You can ask me where i purchased the items. Heck, you can even ask me how much i spent on certain things!! i love my gear & think everyone should have the opportunity to purchase good quality toys and gear. i'm always happy to give that information to interested parties.

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Thanks for reading everyone!! Be safe and be informed as to cleaning procedures for different materials (and the limits of cleaning that some materials might have). Create your own "Risk Awareness Profile" in regards to different types of toys, sharing toys, using toys on different partners, etc. Do what is comfortable to you. It may be different than my personal "Risk Awareness Profile", but that's ok!!! my "Risk Awareness Profile" changes over time and yours probably will too.

It's not exactly "sexy", but if you are more informed you can relax and enjoy the playtime more!!

July 11, 2021

PG I see you have done what I suggested about this post. Now I hope a lot of newbies and not so newbies take heed of your wise words.

For us that have been around for any length of time we understand the need to tailor the toys and their use to ONE individual for health reasons. I will use the sub's own toys on them, or I will new toys to use on them, which I ultimately hand over as gifts to them when we go our separate ways. A very expensive exercise but one that always has safety and well-being front of mind.

There are so many young newbies (there are older newbies as well, but they tend to be a little wiser in most instances) coming to this kinky life, to explore sex and their sexuality, and most of whom have no real idea of the dangers to this life, this is just another way of affecting health and well-being.

July 11, 2021

Totally agree 👍

July 11, 2021

I personally dont share my toys, i dont mind people asking about what ive got and doing a show and tell or allowing them to get the feel of a flogger and how it feels, but they dont get to borrow it.

Why? Simply its a matter of hygiene and not knowing if theyll look after it and return it in the same condition which means i have to a replacement.

However, there is something even worse than asking to borrow someone elses equipment and that is when someone walks up and starts going through your equipment without asking as though its public property, and they seem to strike when you are mid scene, or providing aftercare to your submissive.

July 11, 2021

Completely agree with all of this. Great article and good advice for others to follow.

July 20, 2021

So disrespectful and just weirddd!

October 6, 2021

Who wants to share their own "personal power tools" with someone else?!? 🤔 Not like borrowing a hammer or a ruler from your mates tool box) 😆 I wouldn't as it's got my own vibes on it and it does take some time & *** to collect stuff you like too!! Maybe if your a married couple and know where the kits been used that's be an eXception to the rule?!? I've never thought of subs buying kit to be given to a Master to use on them but it makes good sense to prepare that way espically if you like certain items 🤩