Making connections and red flags on Fetish.com

[Je****]

We are all new to this site once. Being here a year I feel I've learned some bits and bobs along the way, made some great friends and relationships and learned to spot the warning signs others display. 

 

Good traits to have:

1. Respect / Manners. - This is the most important and should be a basic human skill. Respect those you try to communicate with, no matter the level. Give them the same decency you would expect off another person. Respect someone if they say no, and move along. Do not throw insults, don't try to undermine others or the site because something has not paid off. A lot of people on here value respect, without it, people won't want to connect with you.

 

2. Time / Patience. - 'Good things come to those who wait.' A very true expression. If you are joining here under the impression that "this is a sex site and I can hook up with someone within 3 days for a quick fuck", you will probably be left disappointed in 99% of cases. Yes, this is a site of a sexual nature but that doesn't mean every human being on here is going to give up their safety and jump into bed with you after 25 min of talking. While some like that sort of thing, the majority I have noticed, do not. Dynamics and relationship are not instant.

Think of it this way. If you go to a restaurant and order a steak and it comes out after 6 minutes, you're going to wonder if they threw it in the microwave and it probably doesn't taste all that great. Same with a dynamic or relationship. If you spend time and energy to bond with someone it's going to pay off and be worth the effort. A lot of people can rush into a dynamic without even knowing the other person for a week, and within 2wks as they bond they find out they aren't compatible and time has been wasted or it can leave a sour taste in their mouths.

 

3. Honesty / Communcation. - This can tie in with Respect. If you are trying to bond with people you NEED to be honest. Without honesty you are setting yourself up for failure. Whether this is about your relationship status, your location, what you're looking for from BDSM or a partner, down to expressing how you feel about things, always be honest. If you are chatting to someone and you don't feel comfortable or don't understand something, be honest and ask/say. Genuine people will understand and genuine people appreciate you being honest. Don't say you are single if you are not, let the person you are talking to know be aware and make their own informed choice. 

 

4. Read The Rules. - Being in the Lobby as much as I am, I notice a lot of new people coming in and asking 'where people are from', 'who wants a fuck' or just giving out their personals in the hope to scam someone. Please read the site rules as well as the chat rules. It is basic knowledge on every platform out there. You find out what is and is not allowed, how to get help if you need it and the ettiquette on here. They are in place to keep this a pleasant and safe site for everyone! If you don't read them and behave inappropriately or make people uncomfortable and throw personals about you'll seem like an ass and are putting yourself at risk.

 

5. Consent. - Consent is EVERYTHING in this community. If someone says "NO", you stop. Same with any situation if someone expresses they are not happy or comfortable you stop what is happening. Never ever breach someone's consent. This can be said with sexual advances onto people, from role play sessions they didn't ask for or want to anything physical. Learn the word. Practise the word and never ever ignore the word. 

 

6. Report anything Dodgy or Suspicious. - If someone is in your inbox asking for personals, trying to get pictures off you, offering hangouts, etc then you can probably guess they are either fakes and scammers or someone simply trying to get their end off. Always be careful if someone makes you feel unsafe, threatens you, blackmails you or is stalking you. Anyone trying to swipe you up into a dynamic by saying "you will serve me, I am now your Master/Mistress" they are probably not real. Please read the forums. Check profiles, see how long someone has been here, if they are verified and ANY mention of *** is always always a red flag. Reach out to moderators, (they're a great bunch) or lodge a complaint if it's very serious! Remember if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

 

7. The Lobby Group chat. - Treat the chat room, just as that. A chat room. Do not come in throwing personals about. This is not allowed (publicly anywhere on site). Do not come in demanding people call you Master/Mistress or be derogatory to those who refuse you. Chat is mainly for chatting and learning about everything and anything. It is not a hook up joint and most people are in discussion before 'MRX comes in demanding his cock sucked'. I always say, treat chat and what you say, as if you are walking into a hairdressers. Be mindful there are many others in the room from all walks of life and we are all learning at different paces but it really is not a place to come to get a leg over, to scam or shout remarks at people because you havent had much success. If you want to chat with someone whos in group chat, at least ask them. Most people don't like to be in a group chat and someone comes in and private mails them. Be polite, ask and if they say no, just join in with the convo

 

These are just things I personally keep in mind or try to advise someone who is new, to help guide them and make them feel welcome! If anything I've said is seen out of line please feel free to delete this but i hope it can help someone who's new here and if anyone else has any good traits or red flags to be on the look out for please comment and share your experiences and hopefully we can have some great new people stay and enjoy it here as much as we do!

[Deleted Member]

Many respects for the time and effort you took to write all this, that can be really useful for anyone, especially new people. I would add that everyone who think that he/she got a red flag from someone but still have his doubts, make a topic for and ask for suggestions/advises. Never feel shame for things that you might not know or have doubts about.

[Deleted Member]

This is a great thread of things to adhere to for those of us who are not fully functioning adults. It disgusts me that there's so many people who simply just cannot fathom being decent to each other and treating people with respect and courtesy, ALWAYS treat others how you wish to be treated. What's even worse is that you're basically just talking about men, no offense here either but it's true, 99% of times someone hasn't adhered to this list....they're a bloke, it's sad but most men are fucking pigs and give the rest of us a bad name. The only negativity I've had from women on here is from those who seek only *** from me.

Read this, take note and of you find yourself asking "why" or "what for" or "who said I had to" then give your head a wobble and reassess your life.

[Deleted Member]

I adore this post I wish I could share it like Facebook haha.

[Je****]

1 hour ago, Damo626 said:

This is a great thread of things to adhere to for those of us who are not fully functioning adults. It disgusts me that there's so many people who simply just cannot fathom being decent to each other and treating people with respect and courtesy, ALWAYS treat others how you wish to be treated. What's even worse is that you're basically just talking about men, no offense here either but it's true, 99% of times someone hasn't adhered to this list....they're a bloke, it's sad but most men are fucking pigs and give the rest of us a bad name. The only negativity I've had from women on here is from those who seek only *** from me.

Read this, take note and of you find yourself asking "why" or "what for" or "who said I had to" then give your head a wobble and reassess your life.

"I am basically just talking about men...but its true"

 

I whole heartedly disagree.

My post is not at all intended towards any one specific gender. People from every identity are guilty of this at times, and the advice is also applicable to all. Everyone whos anyone can benefit from this site, just as much the same as those who can take advantage of it! 

I just hope this post can reach people and guide them a little bit, as many claim to be new here when throwing inappropriate comments around. So if i can help at least one person thats something i guess :)

[lesdevon]

Well said

[Co****]

Very well said, and thank you.

As a male switch, a few things that I immediately take as red flags, especially from anyone who says they’re looking for a sub are:
1) Leading off with kink-titles or pet names. Until we have some kind of agreement, we use names. I’m not “sub,” “slave,” etc.
2) Asking for specific information that is prominently stated in my bio. Reading what someone says about themselves is an extremely low bar for respect.
3) Immediately pushing for anything like “no-limits” submission. If you can’t respect another person’s limits and boundaries, that’s a major issue.

[Deleted Member]

Jennifer TP. What an excellent informative post! Kudos to you.

[Deleted Member]

Such a fantastic thread. Thank you! I’ve been made to feel like a prude when I expect these things. Feel better for knowing I’m not alone and it’s perfectly normal! Beginning to think i maybe wasn’t really wanting to pursue this lifestyle but now I feel much more confident in keeping my standards high. Thank you x

[PixieDust]

@JenniferTP This is a wonderful topic and something I hope many of our new members have a chance to read.  It can be daunting joining any new community, let alone the lifestyle and starting out with best foot forward as they say is a great place to start so not only can they enjoy their time here and learn along the way but also make the experience pleasant for other members who they come across in their travels. So thank you for taking the time to write this and share.  🙏💗🧚‍♀️

[na****]

Very useful information 👏👏

[Je****]

UPDATE:

 

A huge Thank You to the FetMods for pinning this post under "Fetish Ettiquette" on the News Feed.

 

A big welcome to all new people to this site/app. 

 

A few more things i'd like to point out as well as the main post above is : 

 

1. Try placing an ad via the martini glass on your profile. This is free to do, to my understanding and may help you connect with someone sooner.

 

2. If you click on "fetishes" to add to your profile (the little purple boxes with fetishes named) people CAN also click on these on their own profiles to bring up members who also like the same, again helping connections.

 

3. The "three people sign" on profile will enable you to create your own forum thread should you need to ask for advice or gain knowledge/opinions on a topic of your choice.

 

4. Please NEVER EVER state "NO LIMITS" or "IL TRY ANYTHING".

- This is dangerous and idiotic. EVERYONE has a limit. Such as anything illegal, to do with ***s, minors or something that will put your life in critical danger.

- This INCLUDES "CNC" (consent non consent). Please if into this kink do thorough research, know how to say "No" and repsect that CNC does not in any way shape or form include the "limits" i've stated as an example above. If someone asked you to do anything of that sort they are dangerous and should be reported. 

- Please also know that "no limits" and "il try anything" can also leave you (no matter if in a 'Dom/me or Sub role') open to *** and ***. There is always something you should NEVER try not even once. People may prey on this naivety and the consequences are not so good. Protect yourself and others at all times. 

 

5. Learn the following (google is a good start, plenty of good articles to explain these for safe pratice. 

- SSC - "Safe, Sane & Consensual". 

- RACK - "Risk-Aware Consensual Kink"

- Prick - "Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink."

 

6. Check "Browse" at the top of the website, for altering your search functions for gender, kinks and distance to search for those near you.

 

7. Always remember you can change "Inbox Settings" to allow specific genders, ages, profile picture users and verfied users to contact you as well as a "character limit" to avoid people just messaging with 'Hi'. 

 

8. Any issues or questions ask your "Greeter Mod" or pop into the lobby for advice, there will always be someone here willing to help! 

 

Have Fun and Stay Kinky!! <3

[Hmz1019]

5 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

UPDATE:

 

A huge Thank You to the FetMods for pinning this post under "Fetish Ettiquette" on the News Feed.

 

A big welcome to all new people to this site/app. 

 

A few more things i'd like to point out as well as the main post above is : 

 

1. Try placing an ad via the martini glass on your profile. This is free to do, to my understanding and may help you connect with someone sooner.

 

2. If you click on "fetishes" to add to your profile (the little purple boxes with fetishes named) people CAN also click on these on their own profiles to bring up members who also like the same, again helping connections.

 

3. The "three people sign" on profile will enable you to create your own forum thread should you need to ask for advice or gain knowledge/opinions on a topic of your choice.

 

4. Please NEVER EVER state "NO LIMITS" or "IL TRY ANYTHING".

- This is dangerous and idiotic. EVERYONE has a limit. Such as anything illegal, to do with ***s, minors or something that will put your life in critical danger.

- This INCLUDES "CNC" (consent non consent). Please if into this kink do thorough research, know how to say "No" and repsect that CNC does not in any way shape or form include the "limits" i've stated as an example above. If someone asked you to do anything of that sort they are dangerous and should be reported. 

- Please also know that "no limits" and "il try anything" can also leave you (no matter if in a 'Dom/me or Sub role') open to *** and ***. There is always something you should NEVER try not even once. People may prey on this naivety and the consequences are not so good. Protect yourself and others at all times. 

 

5. Learn the following (google is a good start, plenty of good articles to explain these for safe pratice. 

- SSC - "Safe, Sane & Consensual". 

- RACK - "Risk-Aware Consensual Kink"

- Prick - "Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink."

 

6. Check "Browse" at the top of the website, for altering your search functions for gender, kinks and distance to search for those near you.

 

7. Always remember you can change "Inbox Settings" to allow specific genders, ages, profile picture users and verfied users to contact you as well as a "character limit" to avoid people just messaging with 'Hi'. 

 

8. Any issues or questions ask your "Greeter Mod" or pop into the lobby for advice, there will always be someone here willing to help! 

 

Have Fun and Stay Kinky!! <3

Where can I find martini glass in my profile to place an ad. Also any suggestions for ad as I'm new to this and I'm looking for Lifestyle Mistress local to me. Thank you in advance.

[TiberiusSicae]

Quick reply, will add better one later when not on phone.

SITE OWNERS - Make this a sticky please.

 

Thank you Jen.  It's been a pleasure being welcomed on here by you and all the others.

 

 

 

[Je****]

19 hours ago, Hmz1019 said:

Where can I find martini glass in my profile to place an ad. Also any suggestions for ad as I'm new to this and I'm looking for Lifestyle Mistress local to me. Thank you in advance.

Did you have any luck finding this?

 

I use web version and the martini glass logo is just under the "status update" typing box. I hope this helps. 

[Hmz1019]

4 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

Did you have any luck finding this?

 

I use web version and the martini glass logo is just under the "status update" typing box. I hope this helps. 

Yes I did thank you. I have issue place ad on my profile. Any help would be much appreciated. 

[ki****]

Thank you for writing this very helpful, I made the mistake of ignoring red flags and my instincts and paid the price for it 🥺🙈

[artist_mc]

I hope that this topic has been seen all over the planet. You touched on the most important topics with great detail so I hope this is taken in by all new to kink.

 

Hello, I’m C. New here; just popping in and out seeing what, where, and how! 

[HubertS]

This is very good. It is a must read.

[TallTexasCowboy66]

Very good advice. Thank you for sharing