What should I expect when you connect with a mistress looking for sub online?

[Deleted Member]

I've questions about connecting with a mistress online who's not local but still 2 hrs away drive. I've yet to see her and should know what to expect so I don't look like an old fool. I don't know how much time is expected of me or if *** is involved at all. Basically I've got no clue and still reading the forums trying to wrap my head around it to enjoy the experience. Any help would be great!

PS I already ran the gambit of fakes asking for google hangouts and have reported them here.

[ey****]

So.

It's great you've found someone to connect with and meet with - and no matter how prepared you are there can always be this element of not knowing what to expect and how to approach for the best

However. It doesn't feel like you're prepared.  

So. Ask her.  Ask her if she has any expectations from you - how long she would like to spend with you (but also let her know the most you can stay) whether she would appreciate a small gift and anything else she may expect or appreciate.

People are different

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for this as I am waiting still to actually meet in person with her. She has my full attention as to what she plans to train me and I don't want to disappoint anyone.

[Cu****]

Have you talked on the phone/cell phone, to be certain that your connection is female and really who she says she is? Driving 2 hours, to find no-one there, would be incredibly disheartening.

[ey****]

I often get a little cautious and there's a couple of possible flags for me.

If I connected with someone online and we discussed meeting I would assume it to be a more causal meet - not necessarily a 'date' but a face to face. I wouldn't expect any play even if it might be nice

If you are meeting someone *for* play then it's definitely important to know what you might be getting in for.   Like, you don't want to meet in a motel - be tied up - then she walks out with your wallet for the housekeepers to find you the next morning.   

I don't think enough men consider their own safety in some of these arrangements.  

[Deleted Member]

Yes,I'm worried about not actual talking on the phone and then also the idea get tied up at some hotel and left there after being robbed far from home. I like maids but not to be caught robbed! 

[Tt****]

In my personal opinion, it sounds like you need to have more of a build up of trust so that you know who she is. I'd be tempted to delay any play before you have met her a few times at least and possibly verified her with other subs who she has met. As you say, you don't want to be tied up and stolen from!
I'd also have some kind of safety 'get out clause' such as telling a trusted friend where you'll be and to come look for you if you don't message them by a certain time. I'd certainly meet them in public first just to chat about protocol and safety.
I'd also say that a proper domme would be very aware of how you're feeling and probably respect you more for being cautious. If they aren't trying to scam you, they would prefer to play with somebody who places safety and care first

[Dreamaway]

If *** is involved before you've even met or established she is genuine just forget it and move on....

[Du****]

As a Dominant woman, I appreciate a small gift as it shows the sub is serious in his intentions! However being cautious myself as well as solicitous of the other person’s feelings, I prefer him to offer than for me to ask.

I would would definitely prefer to meet in the daytime at a neutral location initially, to establish whether we could connect on a more intimate level. Most importantly I’d never suggest or agree to any kind of restraint play until we were both completely satisfied we trusted each other (and that’s him being restrained - I wouldn’t consent to anyone doing it to me at all).

Some men are terrifyingly blasé with regard to their personal safety - maybe they haven’t had to think about it daily their entire lives the way women have. Imagine if a friend came to you and told you they were planning to meet an unknown woman in private. Would it set off alarm bells? What precautions would you advise them to take?

[Deleted Member]

Thanks everyone,and Duchess for words of wisdom. Helps to be cautious when first taste of BDSM mistress and others which I want to make friends with.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, DuchessFeuille said:

Some men are terrifyingly blasé with regard to their personal safety - maybe they haven’t had to think about it daily their entire lives the way women have. Imagine if a friend came to you and told you they were planning to meet an unknown woman in private. Would it set off alarm bells? What precautions would you advise them to take?

On another website there was a lady claiming "multiple guys" had shared with her stories of meet ups gone wrong - some of the tales seemed outlandish : but some examples included being mugged in a hotel room.  Being facesat until *** and then waking up robbed. A bait and switch with *** suddenly demanded at the last minute.

And, I have my suspicions that someone may have been spinning yarns to get her attention - but still - in theory, there's a lot that could go very wrong 

If a woman says "If you pay me £50 I will meet you and we will have fun" then guys won't send the £50 for *** they get robbed

But, like, the worst case there is lose £50 - it's not like, say, a trip to A&E if a kink scene went wrong

[Du****]

45 minutes ago, olddude57 said:

Thanks everyone,and Duchess for words of wisdom. Helps to be cautious when first taste of BDSM mistress and others which I want to make friends with.

Stay safe, my friend. I’ve been accused of being a catfish enough times, and I always wonder why they think anyone would make up a boring personality like mine - surely it’d defeat the point 😂🤣😂

[Cu****]

Your first meet with anybody should be casual and public. Ie a coffee shop meet and greet, where you both talk to each other and see if there is a connection in real life. If not you are out coffee, cake and some petrol. If there is a connection you should discuss limits, safe words, expectations and most importantly you should feel respected in saying no.

 

You should make first meet arrangements over the phone in voice or by videochat.

 

The minute the words tribute, monetary gift, kit or something expensive are uttered, run. 

A Domme appreciates a well thought out gift. And a gift is a surprise not an expectation. Many Dommes will tell you, your submission is your gift. 

 

If your gut is telling you it dont feel right. It isnt right.

[Deleted Member]

Having to join a club membership before meeting was a real eye opener that's expensive in my view but I don't know what other clubs are charging for premium membership either in LA. 

[Deleted Member]

Had to bail-just couldn't meet without paying for mrmbership first. Sad as this is third time was communicating with someone who either couldn't be verified or just after ***.

[ey****]

4 hours ago, olddude57 said:

Had to bail-just couldn't meet without paying for mrmbership first. Sad as this is third time was communicating with someone who either couldn't be verified or just after ***.

yeah - it's a scam, you were being had.

So, it's a basic classic bait and switch.  So, you've started talking online. Agreed to meet. No mention of really *** has come up - and this all seems too good to be true.

Then the "oh, you need a membership to the club" - this seems weird, but, fair - and besides - it's just a one-off membership payment and then you can have sexy fun times - and even if this doesn't work out, you  have a membership to a big group and can meet other people

Except you pay the membership. She ghosts you.  The club/organisation/group/etc you have membership for doesn't even exist.

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yeah - it's a scam, you were being had.

So, it's a basic classic bait and switch.  So, you've started talking online. Agreed to meet. No mention of really *** has come up - and this all seems too good to be true.

Then the "oh, you need a membership to the club" - this seems weird, but, fair - and besides - it's just a one-off membership payment and then you can have sexy fun times - and even if this doesn't work out, you  have a membership to a big group and can meet other people

Except you pay the membership. She ghosts you.  The club/organisation/group/etc you have membership for doesn't even exist.

Just about what exactly happened after getting a few pics texting want to sit on my face then came the part had to join her club where she works. Even the club membership asked for payment in bitcoin for $1200 and won't give out address until payment received at a address in AZ,and persontexting me suppose to be in LA but phone is listed in warren PA.

Thanks for everyones advise as newbies specially my age seem to be prime targets.

[Deleted Member]

Somebody else must of had same experience with her as her profile was blocked last night.