Brat behaviour isn't always a choice

[Li****]

I just had a realisation

my bad/brat isn't usually a choice. Sometimes in cub space it is for the chase. But in little space it is not a choice I'm making. 

The chase and being made to submit in cub space is awesome. It's very different to little space its more primal and about eruges. 

In little space I'm not refusing to drink, eat, do a chore because I don't want to. I really want to. I want the praise and positive attention so much. The energy and mental capacity to refuse is less draining.

I fully know that doing as I'm told will be so much better. But in that moment my brain can't picture that I'll actually get to that point

Its to much energy and to far in future to be true

[uk****]

I luff you and have huge amounts of respect for you Gunner. I mention this because I really really don't want to upset you when I say this.

No-one, but no-one can control how they feel but how we act is always under our control. Sometimes it's hard not to do something but actions are a choice.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't be bratty, naughty awkward if it works for you and others in our life. It also doesn't mean that a sadist shouldn't inflict *** on people if that person is a consenting adult but all of those are choices.

Accept that you enjoy the way you are, choose to be that way and be comfortable with it. You are awesome :)

 

 

[Leisa]

I’m sorry Gunner but being a brat is a choice regardless of headspace. You’re being a brat, you know the consequences of being a brat, yet you chose to brat anyway. There are actions and consequences to every action. If you know you shouldn’t be bratting then don’t. There is a time and place for us to beat and apparently you are bratting at a time and space that is unacceptable.

[Psuedom]

I very recently lost an amazing (intense) brat/tamer experience just because she couldn't handle my continued involvement on this site due to the dating part (the same site that countless hours of reading and conversing had lead to her highly praised multiple orgasms...). People choose how to brat and how hard they participate at any given point... At the point it is discovered it may my be inappropriate is probably the time to talk (or preferably prior). I'm not saying you may feel there's a choice, moreso that when you feel like choice and/or mode have been selected for you by circumstance you should probably be a lot more vocal about what is happening than not.  There's nothing worse than been blindsided, especially when you feel you already have everything hung out on the line. 

"Brattaming" is an incredibly hard thing to do because it involves having weaknesses tested and being constantly on your toes... I personally see aftercare as a welcome respite from this, a period where more stereotyped dynamics with hugs and love are present, rather than an intense 30 minutes prior to lights out. 

If this last 30 minutes extravagance works for you than fine, just remember each dynamic is a two-way street and each partner has to represent Communication, Honesty, Trust & Respect... 

My advice, talk to your partner about it, I'm sure they'll have a few ideas on what to do next with you just being you... That's the way all good partners are. x

[ey****]

I feel

if you know your behaviour is inappropriate (either at the time or afterwards) but don't feel you can help it.   You need to kinda learn why you do these things and how to control it.

Is there something undiagnosed medically?

Is there something where you feel something coming on where you can change course?

Because, yeah, brat relationships can be amazing - but - there's also boundaries and - you're a grown adult, it's not on a Dominant to control your behaviour, this is something you have to take responsibility on.

Because the risk here. The risk is you end up driving people away whilst also feeling it's not your fault. 

[Be****]

I think it’s important to note whether your little space comes from an age play or age regression perspective as that does completely change things. Do you notice your bratty behaviour in the moment or is it something you notice when reflecting? Questions like these might help to understand yourself better and whether the behaviours you are referring to are ‘bratty’ or something deeper. Love you Gunny 💕

[Deleted Member]

First of all, don’t change who you’re, you’re amazing they way you’re. Do what makes you happy and don’t settle for anything less 

From what I read I think what you’re missing it’s dominance and reassurance, I may be wrong and if I am correct me

A good Dom told me there’s a reason why we brat and it’s mainly there’s something we’re missing in the dynamic.

 Others brat: for dominance, playfulness, and when they really want something that was denied.  

After what the Dom told me, I took a deep look within myself and I have notice I was missing/wanted more Dominance that I wasn’t getting, the structure I had from the beginning, and everything I was getting at the beginning that was taken from me without a word, which made me go to my brat/little space. I was left to fend for myself which wasn’t the agreement. 

I don’t choice to be a brat/little it comes out on certain situations and based on the other person behavior but other may not think the same way. 
 

Anyway lol what I’m trying to say is take a deep look within yourself to see why it comes out.  
when it came out, what were you or your partner doing ? How you were feeling before your brat/little came out? Where you feeling powerless and wanted some of it back? Was it to get attention you felt you weren’t getting ? 

 

[Li****]

Saying all behaviours is a choice is very closed minded and dangerous 

[uk****]

  1 hour ago, LilCubGunner said:

Saying all behaviours is a choice is very closed minded and dangerous 

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Saying that you don't have a choice about how you behave or act allows people to justify illegal and immoral actions. It's a choice Gunner.  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with allowing yourself to be bratty (far from it) but it's still a choice. No-one is threatening your family, your life or blackmailing you.

You are in control of your actions, Just like 99% of the people in here. Even if you relinquish that control as part of a D/s relationship you still have the option to take it back if you feel the things you're being asked to do are immoral, illegal etc.

[ey****]

there are two things you should have control of 

your thoughts (how you think about certain things)

your actions (what you do)

If you do not have control of your actions, in this instance, then it is a case of looking at why and seeking to gain control of them.  

[uk****]

  1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there are two things you should have control of 

your thoughts (how you think about certain things)

your actions (what you do)

If you do not have control of your actions, in this instance, then it is a case of looking at why and seeking to gain control of them.  

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I disagree, we cannot control our inner-most thoughts and feelings, we can only control our actions.

For example, I can't control the fact that I don't like someone but that doesn't mean I have to be rude to that person.

[ey****]

  23 minutes ago, ukmarky said:

For example, I can't control the fact that I don't like someone but that doesn't mean I have to be rude to that person.

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We have more controls on our thoughts than we may consider.

But if you choose not to like someone, there might be a good reason for this.  For example, something they have said or done. It may also be down to an underlying prejudice or our own bias (which isn't necessarily as bad as it sounds. we pretty much all have biases.) but we can challenge our own prejudices and bias.

 

[Li****]

  5 hours ago, ukmarky said:

Saying that you don't have a choice about how you behave or act allows people to justify illegal and immoral actions. It's a choice Gunner.  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with allowing yourself to be bratty (far from it) but it's still a choice. No-one is threatening your family, your life or blackmailing you.

You are in control of your actions, Just like 99% of the people in here. Even if you relinquish that control as part of a D/s relationship you still have the option to take it back if you feel the things you're being asked to do are immoral, illegal etc.

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So someone with mental health difficukties such as eating disorders, depression, scitzophrinia should just eat properly, juat do stuff and not do the things being said in their head because everyone has full control of all behaviors and actions ?

[Psuedom]

  9 hours ago, Amy4U said:

First of all, don’t change who you’re, you’re amazing they way you’re. Do what makes you happy and don’t settle for anything less 

From what I read I think what you’re missing it’s dominance and reassurance, I may be wrong and if I am correct me

A good Dom told me there’s a reason why we brat and it’s mainly there’s something we’re missing in the dynamic.

 Others brat: for dominance, playfulness, and when they really want something that was denied.  

After what the Dom told me, I took a deep look within myself and I have notice I was missing/wanted more Dominance that I wasn’t getting, the structure I had from the beginning, and everything I was getting at the beginning that was taken from me without a word, which made me go to my brat/little space. I was left to fend for myself which wasn’t the agreement. 

I don’t choice to be a brat/little it comes out on certain situations and based on the other person behavior but other may not think the same way. 
 

Anyway lol what I’m trying to say is take a deep look within yourself to see why it comes out.  
when it came out, what were you or your partner doing ? How you were feeling before your brat/little came out? Where you feeling powerless and wanted some of it back? Was it to get attention you felt you weren’t getting ? 

 

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So much better put than my tired ramblings.  Nice one Amy.

[ey****]

  27 minutes ago, LilCubGunner said:

So someone with mental health difficukties such as eating disorders, depression, scitzophrinia should just eat properly, juat do stuff and not do the things being said in their head because everyone has full control of all behaviors and actions ?

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Someone with MH difficulties affecting them to that extent should  seek professional help.  

Whilst I appreciate health services are far from perfect, you have a responsibility to address this, rather than knowingly engaging in negative behaviour. Even if it's starting with free self-help guides.

[Li****]

Schizophrenia was more extreme end but the eating disorder and depression very common and even with professional help its not as simple as just don't do it. Both Sub and Dom space influence your impact your mental capacity and ability to make decisions. For example if a Sub is deep in sub space they can be more easily influenced into doing something they usually wouldn't. Little space isn't just age play. Putting in a nappy and pretending to be a child. It does change your capacity, thus changes control of your actions. 

[ey****]

So a kinda problem, and this goes back to some stuff said at the beginning of the thread.

One of the risks is always pushing others away.  This is massive.  Because if you keep acting up and blaming it on MH, then this is often placing your MH into the hands of someone who isn't trained to deal with it.

They will want to see an improvement in the behaviour. Or at least an effort into improvement.

I appreciate, as someone who has had plenty of MH struggles over the years, that a lot isn't as simple as "just don't do it" - but you know the behaviour is negative, so you need to find ways to manage this.

Of course, it might not be there is an immediate and perfect solution - of course - a lot is going to take work and over time.  You may find others around you are more patient if they see you are also putting in an effort to improve your own well being.

If you are entering BDSM situations which are affecting your capacity, and making things worse for you - then you need to, at least temporarily, avoid entering those situations until you have the capacity to manage them better.

[Li****]

 I never said anything about blaming,or for the matter of fact using choice over actions as an escape goat. I never said that the consequences shouldn't happen and aren't valid. 

All I said was that sometimes it's not a choice. That sometimes our capacity to make a decision and choose how we act is reduced. 

I said for me its not always a choice. Not that I want to use it to get out of consequences. Just that it happens. 

[Leisa]

  12 hours ago, LilCubGunner said:

Saying all behaviours is a choice is very closed minded and dangerous 

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I’m sorry you feel that way as it’s not how it was intended. I have no self destructive MH issues. That little bit of information may have altered my response. I can’t say for sure because the moment has passed.

[Deleted Member]

I 100 percent agree. Being a brat to my Master isn't always something I want to do, as i always explain to him. Prime example, i roll my eyes knowing he doesn't like that, knowing ill get a punishment. Its the thrill for me and the reminder of knowing that a Master/Dom will remind you of who he is. Its like its an adrenaline rush for me.