New Slave...

[wsmguy87]

Hi there,   I’m new to this. But been interested in it for a few years.  

Just recently I had a chance to meet a good looking dom who I was attracted to etc who was a very verbal Master/dom.   so we talked and we decided to start talking like i was owned etc. 

But half way through I freaked out about a few issues. And I have a question, well I think there will be more, but one for now, that I would like answered if anyone can, that is.

1. How do you deal with the outside world eg your friends family outside of the link/fetish/lifestyle? Is it normal to just stop talking to them to serve a new Master?

[MasterWayne1958ma]

I don’t think there’s a normal it depends on the two people in the relationship 

[ey****]

In short : no.

I'd be very cautious of any D/s relationship which involved cutting off contact from friends/family/others.

I can understand "you must not talk to other Dominants" - but that's it.

[Deleted Member]

What you need to set is your boundaries of control. That’s not your limits, but what parts of your life are under control of your Dominant. 

Now my personal opinion is that unless a Dominant is prepared to 100% financially support their sub/slave, then they don’t have any rights to give orders that could put your job in jeopardy or influence your capacity to earn ***. Additionally a Dominant should not give an order which would mean their sub/slave breaks the law or would not be able to uphold pre-existing responsibilities they have. These are basic ethics. 

Now when it comes to cutting ties with family/friends this is usually a red flag that this person could be an ***r. If they don’t know you well, and don’t know the people they want you to turn your back on - to me that’s way way way wrong. If on the other hand they have been your Dominant for a long time and see you have a destructive relationship with a certain person - then sure, I can see a Dominant ordering restrictions around contact - not to alienate but to protect. It’s also an individual circumstance not a carte blanche attitude. 

When writing out the agreement I have with my sub, he didn’t think about all this stuff - he just wanted to serve. I made him research and consider all possibilities. The thing is - you cannot assume the person you barely know will have your best interests at heart - the best ***rs can be the smoothest amongst us. 

Your boundaries of control and your written agreement are what lays out not just your responsibilities, but both the Dominant and submissives expectations and responsibilities (plus a lot more). Yes the Dominant has responsibilities and you have expectations!! 

If you have an ultimate aim as a live in slave - trust me - that’s not an overnight transformation. That takes years of training and trust building to get to that. He needs to be prepared to take you on that journey- not expect you to be an instaslave. 

So - think about what you want to continue in your life separate from your D/s relationships and those are ‘non negotiables’ in a negotiation. If you want to continue to see your family and he doesn’t - then you’re not a match and walk away as friends. 

 

Heels 👠👠

[Deleted Member]

i would never stop you from either talking or seeing your family and friends

[Deleted Member]

What about having access to sub's passwords (e.g. social media)? Is that a red flag too? And... This one may be a bit silly, but... slaves are allowed to have limits, right? What if they say otherwise? 

[ey****]

insisting on passwords can be a flag - it depends on the status of the relationship - but certainly of concerns.

Subs, slaves, etc. always allowed limits.   The nature of these limits may vary.  

Even in "you cannot say no" relationships - the Dominant is usually savvy enough to possibly push in the right places, but never seriously ask something that crosses the ultimate limits.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for the answer.

Do you know where I could gather more info on 'you are not allowed to say no' relationships?

[ey****]

in short I'd guess by finding people who are actually in them.  It's going to vary a lot from person to person.  

There's a lot of fantasy tropes - and of course a lot of particularly Male Dominants who use this as a starting point (through lack of knowledge, really - trust is something that is built)

But the general aim there of course is to have enough trust, dedication, devotion, loyalty that you wouldn't say no to somebody - but they ultimately achieve this by demonstrating they wouldn't go too far.  "Too far" again is a variant on relationship to relationship.