Questionnaire for anyone who is considering submission.

[Olfashionmale]

You have for some time now considered being a submissive. The idea of the dynamic in which you place yourself in the care of a dominant who will lead your relationship has some appeal, yet you don't have experience or maybe you haven't considered the various aspects of that which seems exciting from the outside. Maybe this questionnaire will help you learn more about yourself and what you really need. The idea is for the submissive to complete the questionnaire , writing the letters of the statements which apply so that the Dom(me) can then write a pen portrait of the submissive. If the Dom(me)’s interpretation is accurate according to the submissive, there is then much potential between the pair. Enjoy.

In describing yourself as a submissive or having submissive tendencies, tick any of the following which apply to yourself.
a) I strive to please, serve and be an obedient submissive.
b) I want someone I can look up to who will tell me what to do.
c) I need to know my partner can control me and will punish me as necessary
d) I enjoy the Dominant Daddy/ little girl/boy dynamic and appreciate nurture as well as strictness
e) I do not seek affection, preferring someone who can be sadistic as my Dominant. Touchy feely is not for me
f) Dom / sub is not a sexual thing for me. It is about power and control.
g) Ideally the D/s is combined with intimacies and can lead to a sexual relationship.
h) I am a bit of a brat and need someone who doesn’t hesitate to discipline me as necessary
i) I am a submissive masochist.
j) Although submissive, I am not into ***.
k) I am turned on by a confident, dominant man/woman.
l) I prefer someone close to my own age
m) A significant age difference can give credibility to the dynamic.
n) Age is not relevant. It is the personality and the air of authority I seek.
o) I am looking for an exclusive relationship.
p) I am looking for a non-exclusive D/s dynamic
q) I am not interested in also doing vanilla things like walks, movies or meals out
r) I particularly want to combine D/s with vanilla things couples do together
s) I am tactile and enjoy intimacy within D/s play
t) I love intimate caresses during a spanking or between spanks.
u) I am into / not into role play ( scrub out to make the sentence work for you)
v) Special and fetish clothing enhances the D/s dynamic
w) I need to build up trust steadily and would always want a safe word.
x) I am an experienced submissive, so we can allow things to develop naturally.
y) I am inexperienced and want my dominant to train me and also be patient as a mentor
z) I need to know my dominant respects me as a person.
aa) My dominant should humiliate me to keep me in my place
bb) I want us to meet with others in the bdsm community
cc) Our play sessions are purely private
dd) It is important that my dominant can also enjoy the vanilla role with my friends and family
ee) Although I am only submissive with my dominant, I can switch with others
ff) I am bisexual and my dominant must respect this.
gg) It is important that my dominant and I discuss appropriate levels of intensity and which implements are unacceptable.
hh) It is important to discuss which areas of my body are accessible to my dominant for disciplinary purposes.
ii) It is important to discuss which areas of my body are accessible to my dominant for teasing, affection or intimacy.
jj) It is important that my dominant respects my hard limits
kk) If things progress to a full relationship, we will respect each other’s families and always present as a vanilla couple when in their company.
ll) I am more interested in the psychological aspects of BDSM than the physical aspects.
mm) I crave an intensity of sensation and emotion. Eg I can be profoundly moved by a ***ting, a piece of Music , touch or impact play?
nn) In terms of impact play, if 1 is so gentle as to barely be felt and 10 is so hard that I couldn’t bear more than a couple of swats of that intensity, which would be your preferred range of 4 or 5 numbers for impact play purposes? a) 1-5 b)4-8 or c)6-10
oo) Whilst much of the D/s dynamic excites me, it is important that my dominant discusses with me which areas of my body he can touch or use for his pleasure.
pp) I accept that, whilst we are together, my dominant owns me and can use my body for various purposes to humiliate me, his own pleasure or check on my complete obedience. This may include squeezing, slapping, touching me intimately or attempting to arouse me after instructing me to refrain from allowing myself to simply go with the flow.
qq) I enjoy being restrained, rope work and am comfortable experimenting with bondage.
rr) I enjoy the following implements 1) the flogger used rhythmically 2)Leather tawse, and straps 3) the belt 4) wooden paddles 5) the cane
ss) I am open to anal play
tt) I am open to latex and or hoods
uu) I am open to water sports
vv) I am comfortable being photographed or taking photos of myself partially clothed or naked.
ww) I like the idea of the dominant being smartly dressed whilst I am partly clothed or unclothed.

I hope this was helpful. 

 

[TheBookCollector]

Where was this taken from as it seems very familiar?

Its like ive read this on a website or in a book but cant quite place it.

[ge****]

Whilst I can see the value of questionnaires such as this as a tool for greater self-understanding, I think they are potentially dangerous as a tool for advertising to others about yourself, especially so for someone new to the lifestyle or inexperienced in it, as many of those phrases require a level of understanding in themselves, an understanding that someone new or inexperienced may not have - which if then used to "advertise" could lead to them finding the wrong sort of dominant who seeks to take advantage based on those points.

Far better that a new or inexperienced submissive uses it for themselves to help form their own views and as a part of, but not all of their own further learning and discovery to the point they are able to articulate what they want for themselves rather than repeat a mantra such as this, as well as being able to spot the danger signs.

[ey****]

I think - yep

There's a lot within that which tells us that submission, or being submissive, isn't black and white

Even some of those points above

So for example "I am open to...."

So there'd be a world of difference between : I do not wish do activity x, ever.   I am willing to do activity x for my Dominants pleasure, at any time although do no enjoy it myself.  I am willing to do activity x for my Dominants pleasure, but only on occasion as I do not enjoy it.   I am indifferent about this activity.   This is something I enjoy and would like to be part of the relationship.   This is something I love and could not be in a relationship with a Dominant who also did not enjoy this.

I think a questionnaire could be rephrased completely 

And yep - definitely questions a submissive may be better answering within themselves privately.  And while someone shouldn't completely change their compromise, they may find there are other people bring more out of them. 

[ey****]

just to give an idea of how complex things can be

I can live happily without ever being caned again

I would not let just anyone cane me

However; if there is a Dominant who I otherwise like and wish to either play with or be in a relationship with who is passionate about caning - then it could certainly be included in our dynamic

But if it's someone who is caning me because they think I would like it - then we will both be unhappy

 

[Deleted Member]

It could be immediately more useful if instead of a tick box exercise it was a rating one? Instead of important yes/no - could be 1. Not important at all up to 5. Essential to me.

[ge****]

  2 hours ago, Dragonflylover said:

It could be immediately more useful if instead of a tick box exercise it was a rating one? Instead of important yes/no - could be 1. Not important at all up to 5. Essential to me.

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Agreed and many of the questionnaires I've seen do just that - it's a great way of framing your own dynamic or with someone you are comfortable to take things down that route with to find mutually agreeable interests

[ge****]

  3 hours ago, Dragonflylover said:

It could be immediately more useful if instead of a tick box exercise it was a rating one? Instead of important yes/no - could be 1. Not important at all up to 5. Essential to me.

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I should add that I confused the heck out of one Domme I did one for as I got the numbering scheme the wrong way round and scored 1 as "Essential to me" and 5 as "No way Jose" which didn't of course tally in the slightest with our prior conversations 😂🤣

[Deleted Member]

  2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Agreed and many of the questionnaires I've seen do just that - it's a great way of framing your own dynamic or with someone you are comfortable to take things down that route with to find mutually agreeable interests

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I think done that way it is a good conversation starter. I'd try it.

[ge****]

  1 hour ago, Dragonflylover said:

I think done that way it is a good conversation starter. I'd try it.

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I think the key is though it needs to come from an informed position of self-awareness on the part of the submissive - for a new or inexperienced one that doesn't have that level of awareness it could be a dangerous thing to engage in with the wrong person

[Deleted Member]

  7 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I think the key is though it needs to come from an informed position of self-awareness on the part of the submissive - for a new or inexperienced one that doesn't have that level of awareness it could be a dangerous thing to engage in with the wrong person

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I think it's a good exercise for someone to work through on their own - would have been an eye opener for me. I don't think I've been asked lots of these questions after years!

[ge****]

  28 minutes ago, Dragonflylover said:

I think it's a good exercise for someone to work through on their own - would have been an eye opener for me. I don't think I've been asked lots of these questions after years!

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Actually surprised me when I did one a few years back - there were a few things I'd either not considered or that I didn't know about (and took time out to find out more) that I found I was open to exploring if the opportunity arose.

[Butterbeer]

So as what I guess would be called a new submissive. I've known I'm a sub for a few years but have only really now decided to find out more. There are thing on that list that I'm not 100% sure I know what they are. And if that's meant to be something to fill out and send out then some of mine would have to be left unanswered and I feel like that would lead to a unhealthy dynamic. 

[ey****]

I think something like this would be mine - although I've ended up rewording a lot of the points and omitting chunks
 

I strive to please, serve and be an obedient submissive.
I want someone I can look up - whilst I would follow your instruction, I want to learn to proactively help and support you.
Dom / sub does not have to be a sexual thing for me. But, I am open to this if we both wish to.

Although submissive, I am not into ***. But will indulge in *** play if it is something you enjoy.

Age is not relevant. It is the personality I seek.

I am looking for a non-exclusive D/s dynamic - I am married, my wife comes first. I would also wish to be free to film with others and have relationships with a potential sub - but you would be my main Dominant and priority where appropriate.   Your other relationships are not entirely my business providing we can both make time for each other.

I would like to combine D/s with vanilla things friends do together

I am tactile and enjoy intimacy within D/s play
I love intimate caresses during a spanking or between spanks.

I am not massively into role play, but sometimes it can be fun.

Special and fetish clothing can be nice; but isn't always necessary.

I have some experience as a submissive, so we can allow things to develop naturally. But a little patience would be beneficial at times.

I need to know my dominant respects me as a person.

I am active in the bdsm community - it would be nice to do things together in the community where appropriate, in addition to private play.

Although I am only submissive with my dominant, I can switch with others

It is important that my dominant and I discuss appropriate levels of intensity and which implements are unacceptable.
It is important to discuss which areas of my body are accessible to my dominant for disciplinary purposes.
It is important to discuss which areas of my body are accessible to my dominant for teasing, affection or intimacy.
It is important that my dominant respects my hard limits
 

(incidentally, while I've said it's important to discuss which body parts are accessible - this is almost every body part - but having conversations like that are important)