Hello, is there anyone with a similar kink?

May 6, 2018

Hi all, I'm new here.

Currently I consider myself biromantic asexual.

There is one kinky fantasy that could account for being homosexual, except that I don't want to actually go till the end. Even more confusing - as soon as I think about it as being somehow related to sexual activity and purely bodily pleasures, my desire for it vanishes rapidly.

So, the closest I can explain my kinky fantasy is as follows.

It is about joining a cult of highly romantic (but almost asexual) elderly, intelligent (as doctors or professors) men, all slightly old fashioned, wearing suits and ties almost all the time. When you join the cult, you gain abilities to transform your body to look as you like, as long as it matches the "cult style". Sometimes the men come together and have "an ultimate hug" experience where they kinda flow into each other and become one person, but it doesn't involve sex "as such". I've had even "wet dreams" when I become someone else and then I wake up feeling some shame because it felt like "stealing someone's body".

Because of this strange fantasy, my turn-ons are suits, beards, baldness and glasses. Also, any movies about secret societies (including body snatching by aliens) can be a turn on.

Maybe this fantasy is the result of my conflicted relations with my father who, although friendly and nice person, had alcohol issues and I sometimes wished that I had different father. Or maybe that's also caused by my self-esteem issues - weak body, serious health issues since birth, thus desire to become somebody important and wise.

Considering that I live in a somewhat homophobic (and maybe also kinky-phobic) country, I haven't had a chance to actually find somebody with similar kinks. Although I'm not quite sure if there are such people at all. It seems far from BDSM and most kinks I've heard of.

So, for now I consider myself asexual because I've no idea if/how any activities to reflect this fantasy might turn me on in real life and I haven't yet found any other, more realistic turn-ons. Considering that I'm about 38 now, I'm not sure if I'll find the solution at all. Still curious, if anybody can relate to this.

Thanks for reading this and have a nice day

May 7, 2018

So, ello! Demi-ace here actually, lol :) I’m having a bit of a slow day, but, questioning your ace-ness because of a fantasy? Don’t worry, that’s not how it works... if you don’t experience sexual attraction then that’s that, you’re as ace as they come (since I’ve been told a lot recently I’m not ace enough, lol), And should the strange occurrence happen when you do feel Sexually attracted to someone (its weird, I’ll tell you that for certain lol!) then that’s when you know you’re demi/grey instead... the only person it should matter to is You.