Advice?

[Snorkmaiden]

First things first, I'm pretty inexperienced and I've only had one sexual partner which only lasted one month. I have a friend at university who has offered to help me become more experienced. He's 10 years older than me and has a lot of kinks.

The main reason I want to become more experienced is because I am extremely awkward and self-conscious. I want to become more experienced in hopes of gaining more confidence when it comes to sex. Should I accept my friend's offer and move more towards beginning friends with benefits?

I'm quite a naive person and the very few people I have told about this guy are telling me that I shouldn't do it. I honestly just want to explore and discover more things about myself but I'm completely freaking out on the inside because this whole situation is WAY out of my comfort zone.

[Deleted Member]

My advice would be to do what you're comfortable with and what will make you happy. Don't let people pressure you into anything you don't want to do. Experience will come with time it shouldn't be rushed and it should be with someone you like so you have no regrets x

[BigPolly]

Ok, so turn it around so that YOU’RE in control. Why not gain experience from him & have a few laughs along the Way. Don’t do anything you don’t want to or feel comfortable with. Maybe start off by sleeping with him as a one off, once you’re finished get up, get dressed, kids him goodbye & leave. After that YOU choose when & where the next encounter happens. Look at you, you’re stunning so just believe in yourself & feel good about yourself. Each one of us is still learning along the way & experiencing new things, sometimes it’s scary but my goodness it’s enjoyable! This guy is being honest, he’s offered to help you then why not. The alternative is to sleep with strangers but this is a safer option. Whatever you do just make sure you have fun! You’re in control so only ever go as far as you want to but yes I think is a great solution for you both as long as you can trust each other

[Tinkert]

You shouldn't be putting yourself under this pressure. We can all offer you sex and experience - that's the easy part. You have to feel good in yourself, the sex and the naughty adventures and play will come in due course. Wait until you are comfortable with someone and explore your likes and dis likes together. Why do you assume your confidence will increase if you are someone's FB ?. It could have the opposite effect on you, if you are being picked up as and when covienient. We are all awkward and in experienced at sometime in our lives. The kinks, fetishes etc, usually developed having been in a loving relationship where there is trust and you are comfortable trying out things that may be of interest. Well that's my opinion for what it's worth - good luck whatever you do xx

[BigPolly]

 No, I slightly disagree @Tinkert we are all very very different & our world is so diverse, you can’t say ‘kinks usually develope having been in a loving relationship’ I’ve been into BDSM for 25yrs yet I have never been in a D/S relationship, all of my loving relationships & my play partners have been totally separate. Everyone’s experience of kink & play is totally different, there is no right or wrong way of doing things. Yes Trust is the key factor but you don’t have to love someone in order to trust them. 

Dont get me wrong, I’m not saying what you’ve put is incorrect it’s just it’s so different to my experiences that you cant say ‘kinks usually develope a certain way’  judged on personal experiences (hope you don’t take this the wrong way 😬)

[fifiofo]

Let me tell you something about "awkward and self-conscious", those are basically the best fuels for acting, and fetish sex has a lot of acting in it so you are covered in advance for the journey ahead, the only outstanding matter should be what @BigPolly said below: TRUST and CONTROL, her advice is awesome, take it.

[Deleted Member]

First thing you need to get rid of your head is the sex issue in bdsm. Its not obligatory! its might be part of it but not necessary. I would say before plungeing head down to the first friend who know a bit of kink?? its read about bdsm. Don't be blind with it, have some read, poke around, ask to some subs here, pm the one who blog and write into forums. I dont know your friend so its very difficult to judge if hes trustworhty enough. But this is someone who is going to be very intimate with you.

[SirPiggy]

Just my tuppence worth.

You don't actually day if he is Dom or sub. Go with your gut feelings but stay in control . Don't under any circumstances let him have you all tied up unable to do anything. All Bdsm activities take trust (First & foremost) take time & do lots and lots of research. 

[SirPiggy]

Oops,,, SAY...

[Deleted Member]

not sure why but I cant message you or comment on your pic..

[ey****]

2 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

not sure why but I cant message you or comment on your pic..

she has probably set filters you fall outside of.  

[ey****]

On 09/05/2018 at 8:07 PM, Snorkmaiden said:

I'm quite a naive person and the very few people I have told about this guy are telling me that I shouldn't do it. I honestly just want to explore and discover more things about myself but I'm completely freaking out on the inside because this whole situation is WAY out of my comfort zone.

If people who maybe know more about the situation are saying no, then it may be worth following their advice.

I was a virgin til age 19, it all worked out well in the end. 

Something of course to always be aware of is that, particularly a guy a little older than you, may see this as an opportunity to exploit your naivety.  There isn't enough info to say if this is the case.

A lot here is just kinda... see what benefits he can bring for you vs what benefits he gets - and it may well be one sided.   If you are inexperienced then he may well try to push into what he wants rather than your own needs.

As an option - you know male sex workers exist - obviously they get a lot of benefit from this, but it can at least be accustomed towards what you want.

There is also as others have said if you're looking to boost sexual experience or BDSM experience or both - because these can be quite different things and yeah, especially in BDSM there's a risk open to ***.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

she has probably set filters you fall outside of.  

thansk buddy kinkster, i was hoping she could explain me herself  

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

thansk buddy kinkster, i was hoping she could explain me herself  

If a person has filters set that prevent you from messaging them, there's probably a good chance they're not going to be wanting to answer your question in public either.